After a British Airways flight reached its cruising altitude, the
Captain announced:
'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293,
Non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto . The weather ahead is good, so
We should have a smooth, uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and .
HOLY CRAP !'
Silence followed
Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.
'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking
To you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in
My lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
One Irish passenger yelled,
'Fook sake!, you should see the back of mine!'
Подскажите, пожалуйста, где можно скачать субтитры для фильмов на английском! Заранее благодарна :) за любую помощь...
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands.
The girl watches him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes ... how did you figure that out?"
The girl says, "Easy... you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love. After they were done, the girl says, "You must be a great dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Yes, I sure am a great dentist... How did you figure that out?"
The girl says, "Easy... I didn't feel a thing!"
Things you didn't know you didn't know!
1.Barbie's full name is Barbara Milicent Roberts.
2.It is impossible to lick your elbow.
3.A crocodile can't stick its tongue out.
4.A shrimp's heart is in their head.
5.People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, you're heart stops for a mili-second.
6.In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand (or attempted to do so).
7.It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
8.A pregnant goldfish is called a twit
9.Between 1937 and 1945 Heinz produced a version of Alphabetti Spaghetti especially for the German market that consisted solely of little pasta swastikas.
10.By law, every child in Belgium must take harmonica lessons at Primary school.
11.On average, a human being will have sex more than 3,000 times and spend two weeks kissing in their lifetime.
12.More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
13.Rats and horses can't vomit.
14.The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
15.If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or
neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they will pop out.
16.Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
17.Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
18.If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
19.In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
20.The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
21.Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
22.A duck's quack doesn't echo anywhere, and no one knows why.
23. 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their buttocks.
24.In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.
25.Most lipstick contains fish scales.
26.Cat's urine glows under a black light.
27.Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
Работа занимает большое место в жизни человека. Очень важно знать и уметь ориентироваться в терминах, которые наиболее часто употребляются на рабочем месте. Поэтому сегодня поговорим о «рабочих» идиомах.
A ball park figure (досл. приблизительное число)
Неточность и приблизительные подсчет могут внести хаос в деятельность фирмы. С точными данными работать гораздо легче.
- A general financial figure
- общий финансовый показатель
Example:
Until we had costed the project properly we were only able to give the customer a ball park figure.
Пока мы не оценили стоимость проекта должным образом, мы могли дать покупателю только приблизительные финансовые показатели.
A bean-counter (досл. считающий фасоль)
Бухгалтер в компании не только считает расходы и доходы, но и анализирует финансовую деятельность компании. Именно он может подсказать, на какие цели следует направить деньги в данный момент.
- An accountant
- бухгалтер
Example:
The bean-counters told us we had to reduce the budget.
Бухгалтер сказал нам, что мы должны сократить бюджет.
To break even (досл. разбить на равные части)
Ситуация, когда расходы равны доходам – неплохой показатель для фирмы, но все лучше, когда доходы больше расходов.
- When expenses equal profits.
- когда расходы равны доходам
Example:
The company broke even after two years.
Расходы и доходы компании равны уже 2 года.
A golden handshake (досл. золотое рукопожатие)
Только сотрудникам высшего звена, как правило, выплачивают компенсацию при уходе с должности.
- To receive a large payment on leaving a company
- получить большую плату при уходе из компании, золотой парашют
Example:
She won't have to find a job very quickly because she got a huge golden handshake from her last job.
Она не должна искать работу очень быстро, потому что она получила золотой парашют на предыдущей работе.
To be fired (досл. быть уволенным)
Увольнение с работы можно воспринимать двояко. С одной стороны, оно вносит некую нестабильность в жизнь человека, а с другой – открывает новые пути для развития.
- To be dismissed from your job
- быть уволенным с работы
Example:
"He was always coming late, so eventually they fired him."
Put 400 bricks in a closed room. Put your new hires in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours. Then analyze the situation:
If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.
If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in
Engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in
Planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information
Technology.
If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing.
If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management
Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heard from, put them in Congress.
1. DON'T SWIM IN THE OCEAN
Ninety-nine percent of all shark attacks take place in exceptionally large bodies of water also known as oceans. The way to determine if you are currently in an ocean is to taste the water. If it's salty don't go in.
2. LISTEN OUT FOR THE MUSIC
In the event that you are foolish enough to swim in an ocean, listen carefully for the music, as demonstrated in the marvellous documentary film Jaws. All shark attacks are preceded by the "daah-da, daah-da" chords, which will gradually become more rapid as the shark gets closer. This is due to the Doppler Effect.
3. SWIM WITH FAT PEOPLE
Try to surround yourself with more appetizing companions. If you know them well, you might even try to switch their suntan lotion with Daddies Sauce. This will definitely improve your odds.
4. DON'T GO INTO THE WATER WITHOUT A KNIFE
This is not to defend yourself but to stab the person (aka the decoy) closest to you in the case of a shark attack. Once you are sure the "decoy" is bleeding profusely... swim for your freakin' life.
5. DON'T PANIC
In the event that a shark actually bites you, try to remain calm. This really won't help you survive, but everyone else on the beach will appreciate you not shrieking madly, as this is quite unsettling and can really spoil a wonderful day out. Remember it's not always about you!
Mark H. Teeter 15/05/2009
Is beauty only skin deep? If so, this shallowness projects remarkable force, as English and Russian popular wisdom has long affirmed: Christopher Marlowe told us that a pretty face could "launch a thousand ships," as Helen's did at Troy, while the Soviet film "Vesna" decreed two generations ago that "Beauty is a terrible power."
Myths and Truths about Russia
As seen as on http://www.waytorussia.net
New: on President Putin, Privatization, and Khodorkovsky...
Sometimes we hear and see so many striking, odd and new things about Russia on TV or in newspapers or from the people we meet, that I think I'm missing something! Really, it turns out I live at such a dangerous place flooded with mafiosi, catastrophes, bombings happening all the time, with deadly cold winters, demolished economy, depressed people that I'm really surprised I'm still alive and living here. The point is that all those things about Russia are either not true or very much exaggerated.
Helen’s eyes were not very good. So, she usually wore glasses. But when she was seventeen and began to go out with a young man, she never wore her glasses when she was with him. When he came to the door to take her out, she took her glasses off, but when she came home again and he left she put them on.
One day her mother said to her: “Helen, why do you never wear your glasses when you’re with Jim? He takes you to beautiful places in his car, but you don’t see anything”.
“Well, Mother,” said Helen, “I look prettier to Jim when I’m not wearing my glasses and he looks better to me, too”
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family , so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny , we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future .
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his fath ER in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.
Cup of Tea .
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.
I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.
Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.
My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.
Then she says, (as only a mother would know... :)
'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?