I am here in the dark in the middle of the morning and writing all these things, and do not want any comments on this, I don't want nothing at all, just some minutes not to be slept and cast away with all these dreams that cannot be seen by me and cannot be recalled...today is the big day, last friday was the big day to me personally, this thursday is going to be the big day, a lot of holidays, lots of celebration, but nothing for my soul, only some kind of illusion, I accept presents and love from my parents, brother, friends and accuintances, but I do not want to accept the borringness or stuff like that, i do not now how to call, it a pity, best from the loving persons is ....