A homeless man asks another man for two dollars. The man says "Will you use the money to buy booze?" The homeless man replies "No sir, I don't drink." The man then asks "Will you use the money to gamble?" The homeless man replies "No sir, I don't gamble." So the man says "Do me a favor and come home with me. I want my wife to see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble." "Absolute Poker has reached an agreement with the United States Attorney's office for the Southern District of New York," reads a statement from the sites. "Under the agreement, the US Attorney's Office has agreed to provide all necessary assurances that third parties may work with Absolute Poker to facilitate the return of funds to players located in the U.S. This provision is an important step to returning U.S. player funds. "Unfortunately, the Company still faces several legal issues which must be navigated before funds can be paid out to U.S. players." April 15, the Manhattan U.S. Attorney charged the principals of three of online poker's biggest sites with bank fraud, illegal... rake in holdem online