Настроение сейчас - Cozy

I just watched Home For Holidays. One of my favourite movies. I watch it every year when winter/holidays are getting closer. I like it about watching smth many times: each time you are getting smth new for yourself and see some things from a new perspective. 

This film is about family. Family which is messy and complicated but still touching, sincere and vibrant with life. I got a very important notion from this n-th watch. I do crave for family and for a normal childhood but it will never happen because the past is the past. And what is important is that I will probably always crave for it but despite that I still CAN be happy. I will be happy I mean :) And I'll be ok. 

It is very strange but I've started to look at my unhappy past moments with some kind of supremacy like I own them and I beat them. And I really started to enjoy life and all its precious little moments. It is a lot more gratifying to see good things in everything than bad ones. Maybe I still need to work on that a little bit when I'm using the subway though. I still hate a lot of people there..

I still don't know who I'll become when I grow up =D No hint. But now on this strange road to nowhere I am at least enjoying the process. And that is the most important thing in my conception of living (if I do have one).

My soul (purpose) - searching will continue on Bali where I plan to spend my birthday and New Year. I hope I'll be out of my comfort zone there as much as possible. I do need more experience with socializing and just being myself around strangers. And I desperately need to conquer my stupid fears SO BE IT.