The 2012 year is practically gone. So is the last hope for the end of the world. 

I think I need to change something in my view of the world. To grow up I suppose. Yeah, life sucks, mine especially but if I just try to not pay attention to the negative stuff maybe I'll be even happy? Yes, I know that thing that is always taking me down - this thought "how the hell can I be happy if I have these sad memories about not having a perfect family and about the absense of people beside me who understand me and really care for me? how am I suppose to be as happy as people who did have and does have all of that?". But  just now I understood that thinking about that will never make me happy. I think I have to put everything behind me. All that hate, hurt and sadness and just make a fresh start without this heavy baggage of my past. I can do everything like anyone can. I just have to stop saying smth like "how can I do it.. no that is not for me.. I can't, I've never done it before.." I have to stop being afraid of trying.

Ok, now a couple of words about the present: my friends keep saying that I look like a dead person :\ . LOL And it is so because of my job. Nightshifts and the new year's madness don't really make me more alive. I am sinking. But I can't quit! I need money, independence and blah-blah. Let's think of it as a challenge.. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. So if this job doesn't kill me I'll become stronger.

By the way I'm working tonight. Yeah yeah I'm working on the New Year's night. It definitely tells me that I have to change my life.

I've just found out that one of my exes got married. The best of them by the way. Strange feeling. Of course as always it comes down to my uselessness but I  know that it is stupid) Somehow it really makes me a little more free because he was the only one for whom I had real feelings, maybe still do. But his marriage gave me smth final, it is somehow comforting. 

SO my plans for 2013:

1) To stop being afraid of trying

2) To change my way of thinking

3) To start doing things I want to do

4) To travel

5) To start talking when I really don't like smth

6) To risk

7) To stop being miserable

8) To never refuse to play especially when I'm afraid of losing

9) To stop being a virgin LOL

At the end of the next year we will summarize the results.

Happy New Year to everyone! I hope 2013 will be a lot more happier than 2012. No, I don't hope, I know it.