So another year is gone. Wow. It was.. different. Looking for smth, even having smth for a short period of time. Revaluation of values, failure (who can live without some), hurt, joy, even love that came down to nothing. 

As it turns out having two jobs and practically no free time helps to understand that you are better off without some people in your life. And I'm not capable of regrets. Good for me.

Thank God for that plus for my inability to miss smth and sometimes even to feel smth. It is so much easier like that.

-You ever get lonely?

-Only around people.

What is it about this line? Caring for the person beside you so much more than he/she does about you. Like you are here, really here and he/she is not. That's when I can miss people - when they are next to me. And this moment  is the beginning of the end. That is when you stop looking for any sort of excuses for them and just let them go. Especially  when they really want to go.

I've done some crazy things this year and it was fun) Without happy ending but still fun. I hope to carry on. Such an interesting and unpredictable road..

Fear of many things is gradually leaving my conciousness. Maybe it is just because I'm too tired even to experience it but still it feels better. My unsocial nature is now more close to "I-hate-you-all" than to "I-don't-know-how-to-socialize". Definitely better for my self-esteem.  

First job..second job. Major steps to independance and disownment from people I hate and despise.

I'm becoming less caring and less sensitive to other people's problems. It is not very good but it is life I suppose. Cruel selfish bitch, isn't she? Still less feelings  --> much more strength. Robot is of course not a very welcome outcome but smth in between sounds very appealing.

Another year.. Life goes on even if it is full of emptiness.