So.. The year is practically gone. What did it bring?

Catastrophic relationships. But they were my first.. So, cheers! Cheating, self-absorption, going crazy in the end and it is not about me. Consequenсes for me? Collapsing of faith to people, of that tiny little wish to be loved and coming to the idea that I'm not able to love. Maybe I just block this feeling subconsciously - I have many reasons for that, maybe I just can't. Like I can't miss anyone. It's like self-defense. You don't get hurt if you don't love. You don't feel hurt if you don't miss anyone. Simple.

People are terrible creatures. They lie. They hurt each other. They think only about themselves. They judge, always. Even if they say they don't. Especially when they say they don't. They are intolerant. They can let you be their friend but when you need them they just don't want to listen to you. They often want more. They can turn from decent people to cruel monsters in a second. End of the world? Oh, perfect idea!

It is hard to live in a place that is killing you. Where you can't change anything. It makes you think that you can't change anything in this world. Then why even try?

Collapsing of big plans. Destruction of another piece of the already very small pyramid called self-belief.

Quitting this, quitting that = goodbye hope, it was so nice of you to drop in.

Of course, not everything was so bad. But sitting here alone in winter again.. I don't want to live again. Sometimes friends help, but sometimes they even make it worse.

I want everything to be perfect and it is my right to. I won't ever again apologize for wanting smth, for being smb or for saying things I want to say. I am who I am and if people don't like this version of me they can go to hell. I'm not a model assembled out of others' preferences and wishes. It is one important thing I understood during this year.

People are of course terrible :) But they are not so scary.. So if you are open-hearted they can be even nice.

It is not right to stay where you don't belong. Even if you are escaping it is not wrong because you are trying to find a place where you can be happy instead of staying in a place where you aren't and will never be.

Regrets are useless. You can't change your past. Maybe you made many stupid mistakes but it doesn't matter now. Now you can only try not making them again. Inability to forgive yourself for your mistakes can turn to an inability to accept yourself for what you are.

Sometimes you like to give presents if you had a lack of them in your past.