(313): Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate

(267) 4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. �I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..

(734): I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u

(586): 1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
(586): 1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
(586): 2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?

(810): i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!

(248): Tutor me
(248): In sex
response(248): Too much to teach

(313): You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now

(248) i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??

(773): I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it

(901) 1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
(423) 1:48 am: your uglier

(214): Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
(214): I know you're alive

(423) 2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place

(646): How is your vagina???
(941): Double booked
(646): With your butt?
(941): Totes, candlesticks and all
(646): Yay!!

(614): ...is it true? will i see you next weekend
(248): YES.
(614): ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us

(248) Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.

(260): Are you dead
(1-260): Yes
(260): Oh man
(1-260): Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard

(816): He's been sleeping iwht ***
(1-816): Nooo
(816): Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
(816): And then hit her in the face with a shovel

(313): I painted my nails silver
(586): And what are the implications of that?
(313): Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien