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So this is it...Finally winter came. Snowstorm behind my window. Somehow i'm very happy with the fact of this cold weather. The thing that going on now - is the thing that should take place during january. Something else was going on. Something unnatural. Everything starts being better, comes to it's natural condition, the one it should be in. In my life everything was disordered, all was wrong. Snow put it all on proper places. And yesterday the sun was shining, wonderful day!
In the evening, when i was on my way home from metro i thought about one thing...
Why we cant do something we really like and want to all the time.
"I want to walk around Moscow for hours"
"I want to have some dinner in a quite cousy caffee and the rest of the day spend with some old camera, the one that my granny used to have. I would have taken some photos of streets, houses, of the snow, of people around, of the moon... yes, especially of the moon. Yesterday it was magnificent. Such muddy-white shine. I would like to take the photo of this moon. And then come home and make all this pictures by myself. Like my grandfather used to do. I would really like to do this."
"I want to have more time and more will to read books and watch films i really like."
"I want to express myself in this life through the thngs i do (*but now it's still impossible*)"
"I want..." But who cares anyway???...
During this hollidays i'll go away, far far away. Somewhere, where nobody will know me and my problems. Wait..what problems? All problems fade away when this wonderful snow covered the ground. A lot of things became clear to me. I've understood a lot this morning. I used to see everything not the way it should be, i was mistaken.

Snowstorm is a wonderful thing. This disordered movement of snow in the air nevertheless brings some kind of inexplicable calmness. I like small yards in the center of Moscow. Yards, that hide you from the noise of big crowdy streets. You can come here in the evening, sit on a bench and watch the sky and listen to silence. Such astonishing contrast. If you come out of this yard, come through the obstacle of houses, you'll find out like some other world for yourself. World, full of people, of cars...world full of problems... There, in this yard, everything is calm and quiet. There life goes in another way. Everybody there lives on his own, everybody is up to himself. And when you are out of this yard, out of this small world we all are caught by this huge noisy whirlpool, we all become it's part, part of something big and...and careless, indifferent. There nobody needs no one. Nobody needs you. You need nobody...(*You need nobody?*)
And what if you know, that somewhere far away, somewhere in this indifferent crowd there is a man, that is very important to you..?
Maybe then everything seems to be in another way..? And if once you'll be that lucky to meet this person in one of this quiet calm yards, far away from this crowdy careless city...And say each other the whole truth you've wanted to say. Without lies, without false, like only children can say...
What's then???
("I can say the whole truth, i've nothing to lose"...there's always something to lose, you can lose yourself...)
And to find...to find is a hard thing to do. And it is even harder to find somebody, who's really important to you, somebody, who'll really need you, need you the way you are...And for this you'll need to find yourself first


...Я бы хотела быть с одним человеком...теперь я это точно знаю...


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