Well...i had worst night in my life..
The day began sooo good..it is already 1 month we are together..i felt soo happy..we talk a bit in the morning, then a bit at the day and not too much evening..and Randy asked me to go to sleep for a couple of hours...Better i wouldn't do it...I blame now myself for sleeping last night and not talking with him..So we decided to meet in scype after 3 or 4 hours..
I was there as we talked..but he wasn't ..i was waiting a couple of minutes and got an sms, telling me "honey don't worry.I had bad car accident, but now i am ok just some bruises and bad shoulder and ..i am in hospital now..soon will be at home.." Does he really believes that i won't worry?
I know myself very well...when i am ill( i mean very ill, ex. when i was making surgeries), dying in hospital..noone from my family or friends knew this.I don't like to see pitty in their eyes, don't like this feeling..don't want them to worry about me.So knowing myself, and looking closely to the situation i felt that something really bad happends..god..i tried to call him, again and again..no response, i sent him sms, no response..different bad thoughts arised in my head..why if he didn't hurt too much to worry me about it, he stays in hospital so long..think he even remained there on night..
God, i feel so weak, cause i cann't help him, cannt come and take care of him, i know he is alone there and he won't ask anyone for help..i feel so terrible...
In the morning i received another one sms, where he said that me to stop calling him, cause it is forbidden there to use phones in hospital and he needed to went out of hospital to write me this sms..well the sms was a bit mean, maube he was very tired, or felt bad or..wanted me to feel upset and less worry about him..well, it didn't work.
I couldn't sleep for sure, i cannt eat, i cannt think. Now i came home from work (today i need to go to work very early -at 8am, usually i work from 10am) and sit like a dog near computer and wait for him..
Now i understand what really he means for me..i knew that i love him, but now i now that i cannt breath without him..God i don't know what to do..I am afraid he is sick, laying alone..and i cannt do anything, just sit here and crying..i ..don't know how i will live if something happend to him..i love him so much!!I am praying now he to be healthy and to cure fast from those traumas..