Welcome to marichka13 ! ;)

Welcome to Mandrake and serpentick !
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Вспоминается случай с Фонетики
Тренируем “th”
Сидим, …проговариваем скороговорку про девочку с ниткой
Преподавательница (типичная, кстати, одесситка) наблюдает за нашими натужными лицами и изрекает:
- “….was too thin...”
это не «зубы внутрь»!
это – нитка «слишком тонкая»!!!

Итак, перлы из диктанты по Джойсу из "Dubliners". Страница текста про дублинскую гавань.

Для начала, перлы спеллинга:

(оригинал) metal piping - (варианты) mental piping, mental pipil, mental picking, piepeen, и даже pipenoj
(оригинал) barges - (варианты) burdjes, burchis, bugist, borges
(оригинал) Dublin's commerce - (варианты) doublig comers, dabln camers, doublens commorse, doubli, dablings camerls, doblind, doublens comors
(оригинал) Norwegian - (варианты) Norvaigen, Norvegient
(оригинал) immobility - (варианты) inlochbility, emmebilite, a bilidi
(оригинал) examined - (варианты) exmanined, egemined
(оригинал) notion - (варианты) nonshent, knowtion
(оригинал) quay - (варианты) quags, kee, kiy (при том, что слово было выписано на доске)
(оригинал) cranes and engines - (варианты) crain and angense, crainds and andgents
(оригинал) voyage - (вариант) vajague
(оригинал) signalled - (варианты) thignald, siguald
(оригинал) ferryboat - (варианты) fairyboyte, fairlyboad и даже faribabbled
(оригинал) solemnity - (вариант) sellementy
(оригинал) scantily dosed - (вариант) scandely dothed

А вот чего я никак не понимаю, это как можно выдать вот это:

(оригинал) bystander - (вариант) bystanovel
(оригинал) labourers - (варианты) laboss, librase
(оригинал) green - (вариант) grue

Дальше, то, что не услышали и импровизировали:

looking at the masts - cooking in the masks
sailing vessel - selling Basol (почему-то именно с большой буквы)
school seemed to recede from us - seemed to re-sit from us
our eyes met and we laughed - and we loved (а там исключительно джентельменская компания!)
(герой вышел посмотреть на моряков) had any of them green eyes - had any of them eyes (да уж, морячки одноглазые!)
pleased ourselves - pissed ourselves (однако!)
woolly smoke - bully smoke
we sat - V sat
even I - eagle eye
the spectacle - suspectical (шо воно?)
wane - ubuine (ну что надо было услышать, чтобы выдать такой набор букв???)
labourers seemed to be eating - seemed to be eaten, или еще labourers were symply eaten
the legend - villegant (???)
brown fishing fleet - graund feshing fleed
opposite - offezet
cart - curret
reached the quays - riched the kissed
signalled by curls of smoke - signalled by giggles
vessel - brengeed (ну КАК???)
high stone walls - icetown walls
groaning carts - drawing ears
discharged - this churched
transported with 2 labourers - transported with 2 libraries
currant buns - carrots
eyes met - ice melt
working of cranes and engines - working of trains and angels
immobility - have in a building

И мои любимые - про бедного еврея, который плыл с ними:
little Jew with a bag - jue in a back, jue with a back, jou и que in the bag, jew in the bank, dju will the bag, и триллерно-хеллоуинское little jaw in the back

И это наши первокурсники! Надеюсь, это лечится... Пойду выпью яду...

Товарищи, признайтесь, кто последнюю симпу прислал? Дедуктивный метод пока не помог установить личность пославшего и бросить ему ответную ;)

Тема: авиация.
Enjoy!


My definition of an optimist has to be the Luftwaffe F-104 pilot who gave up smoking!
— John Wiley
("Старфайтер" F-104 из-за высокой аварийности немецкие пилоты прозвали "летающим гробом" и "поставщиком вдов")

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
— Mark Russell

When asked why he was referred to as 'Ace':
Because during World War Two I was responsible for the destruction of six aircraft, fortunately three were enemy.
— Captain Ray Lancaster, USAAF

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the very first Fokker airplane built in the world. The Dutch call it the mother Fokker.
— Custodian at the Aviodome aviation museum, Schiphol airport Amsterdam

Chi Vola Vale,
Chi Non Vola non Vale,
Chi Vale e Non Vola и un Vile
— seen on a office wall at the Italian Airforce Ministery. Translation: He who flies is worthy, He who doesn't fly is unworthy, he who is worthy and doesn't fly is a coward

LOTR-bound
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Welcome to Aijo !
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Welcome to paranoid!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjU22L6UX-0

RATED

Norwen - спасибо за симпу!

От paranoid

There once was a girl from Madras
Who had such a beautiful ass -
It was not round and pink
(As you bastards think)
But had two ears, a tail, and ate grass.

По предложению paranoid создана рубрика Limerics, куда и трансформирую ваш первый взнос.

Russians refresh themselves with this cold soup made of ice-cold kvass (weird national drink most closely compared to non-alcoholic beer), sausage, cucumbers, onions, boiled eggs and sour cream - just imagine this horrendous concoction!!... And guess what they call this "soup" ... They call it "Ohkroshka"... pretty difficult to articulate, huh? And now get ready for a translation. "Ohkroshka" means "Oh baby"!

Реальное изложение по английскому языку в школе на тему Иван Сусанин.
Forest,forest,forest...
Animals,animals,animals...
In the midle of the forest there's Ivan Susanin.
"Where's the road to the Moscow"-asked him nemetsko-fashistkaia gadina.
"I don't know!"-answer Susanin the hero of the Soviet Union.

Welcome to Kaunis ;)

Welcome to Белая_Мышь, dobermashka and Sadizvra
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List of Possible Slogans Promoting National Condom Week RATED

Tourist: Is it true that the bears around here won't attack you if you're carrying a flashlight?
Park Ranger: That depends on how fast you're carrying the
flashlight.

~~~~~
- Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
- He was dead.
- Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
- Monkey see, monkey do.
- Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
- Peer pressure.

~~~~~
Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. After that, it will be okay, because you'll be a mile away and you'll have his shoes.

~~~~~
На занятиях по военной подготовке майор делает перекличку и
уточняет инициалы:
- Иванов!
- Я!
- А.Ю.?
- I am!
-----------------------------
На уроке английского учитель договариваясь о встрече сказал: "We
will still meet on Wednesday."
Один из студентов, сделал при этом круглые глаза, поняв фразу как:
"We will steal meat on Wednesday???"

Перед отбытием - мега пополнение ;)

Robert Burns: 'Auld Lang Syne'

"Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never thought upon,
The flames of love extinguished,
And freely past and gone?
Is thy kind heart now grown so cold
In that loving breast of thine,
That thou canst never once reflect
On old-long-syne?

"On old long syne.
On old long syne, my jo,
On old long syne:
That thou canst never once reflect
On old long syne."

"Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
Tho' they return with scars?
These are the noble hero's lot,
Obtain'd in glorious wars:
Welcome, my Varo, to my breast,
Thy arms about me twine.
And make me once again as blest,
As I was lang syne."

"Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
Or friendship e'er grow cauld?
Should we nae tighter draw the knot
Aye as we're growing auld?
How comes it, then, my worthy friend,
Wha used to be sae kin',
We dinna for ilk ither spier
As we did lang syne?"

песенные перлы:
один молодой человек, пишущий песни на английском,
озвучил: "...let me stay you alone..."
я только перешла на второй курс, может подскажете, ЭТО КАК???