The latest telephone poll taken by the office of the Governor of Texas asked whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration is a serious problem:

A) 35% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."

B) 65% of respondents answered: "No es una problema serio."

Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes the cows and puts them in a barn with everyone one elses cows. You have to take care of all the cows but the government gives you as much milk as you need.

Bureaucratic Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone elses cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as current regulations allow.
CONTINUED

Хочу поприветсвовать всех новых ПЧ и поздравить всех с Новым годом! Спасибо, что вы есть!

Студентка сегодня выдала: I like hitch-hiking...by plane. Сразу вспомнилась реклама - А потом я выпил фанты - и тормознул ;)

A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or you'll answer to me!"

St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago."

— Allow (алло)
— Pre–wet sir gay (привет Сергей)
— Star over tall lick (здорова Толик)
— Cock dealer? (как дела)
— At leech now! Attic cock? (отлично, а ты как)
— Normal no. (нормально)
— Show ass? (что у вас)
— Dove vote, pass to pill knock on its (да вот, поступил наконец )
— Tatty show? Molly talk (да ты что? молоток)
— Aha, boo doubt shit so tip year. At tee show? (ага, буду учиться теперь. а ты что?)
— Mash inner coop ill (машину купил)
— Cocker you? (какую?)
— Bear am were. (бээмвэ)
— Class. More jet packer tie am see? (класс. может покатаемся?)
— Hot sea what now (хоть сегодня)
— Dove eye (давай)
— Cheese so cheer is tree? (часа через три)
— Hooray show (хорошо)
— What key skull cow bright? (водки сколько брать?)
— Cock a bitch now. Yes chick. (как обычно.ящик)
— Aha, yeah beer you. (ага,я беру)
— Are bob? (а баб?)
— Some more so boy. Tall cow bob tee is she. (само собой.только баб ты ищи)
— Dog over ill is (договорились)
— Poor cow (пока)
— Dove stretch ear(до встречи)

ICQ log with a brit (Real one :)
======================================

Me: Fri Dec 22 2006 22:28:37
BTW do you know what a "chav" mean?

Him: Fri Dec 22 2006 22:28:55
yup

Him: Fri Dec 22 2006 22:29:06
not on wikipedia yet :) you should add it

Him: Fri Dec 22 2006 22:29:32
yup - I know what a chav is

Him: Fri Dec 22 2006 22:29:37
what's your guess?

Me: Fri Dec 22 2006 22:29:42
I was watching the standup comedian the other day, who were performing
in UK. He used the word many times, and people did seem to understand it.
But it's not in the MW :)

Me: Fri Dec 22 2006 22:29:51
well,my guess was pretty simple

Me: Fri Dec 22 2006 22:29:57
Since he was referring to the 3 UK reporters as a 'chavs'
- and the next minute called them 'whores' and 'cunts' -
I believe it's kinda offensive, isn't it?

Him: Fri Dec 22 2006 22:36:22
a chav is like an uneducated person who drinks a lot and
gets into trouble - usually teenagers or in 20's who
booze it, might have bikes, and are generally loud and
offensive and appear uneducated (but may not be uneducated,
in which case, read: 'city wankers')

Me: Fri Dec 22 2006 22:37:38
Oh, I was wrong then. I thought it indeed is kind of a "whore"
- but it surely isn't. OK, thanks for the explanation.

Настроение сейчас - above normal
В колонках играет - Van Halen "Panama"

For those out here who dig "the big Lebowski"...

http://www.dudeism.com/

RATED!!! Image 164 KB

Image 103 KB

After having dug to a depth of 1000 meters last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 1000 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English scientist dug to a depth of 2000 meters and shortly after headlines in the UK newspapers read:

"English archaeologists have found traces of 2000 year copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a thousand years earlier than the Scots."

One week later, Texas newspapers reported the following:

"After digging as deep as 5000 meters in West Texas, scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have therefore concluded that 5000 years ago Texas inhabitants were already using wireless technology."

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1973 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.

2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

:-) Image 79 946 bytes

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."

Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey."

The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off."

Farmer, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00."

Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?"

Kenny, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work
boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a
copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads: Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim,
I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess
with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up
real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from
all the blood.

P.S. - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.

Урок. Специальность - переводческое дело. Английский язык.
Студент машет руками, и бурно рассказывает что-то по теме "Экология". У него не хватает слов. Но он пытается.
По ходу рассказа ему надо сказать "окружающая среда". Вы думаете, он сказал банальное "environment"?
Нет, он сказал изумительное "surrounding wednesday".

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the
husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.

The wife asks, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been
sober since."

"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?"

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't “HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess"

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder." Keep on reading all y'all

Это цитата сообщения Languages Оригинальное сообщение

merde - shit

va bouffer ta merde - eat shit

tu m'emmerdes - you're pissing me off

tu me fais chier - you are pissing me off

retourne enculer les mouches
- go fuck a cow.

encule' - fuck you

salope/conasse/poufiasse- bitch

ordure - bastard

va te faire voir, (common)
va aux diable,
fout le camp,
va te faire
cuire un oeuf,
va chier,(common, stronger)
te faire voir chez lez Grecs! (old)
- go to hell!, Fuck off!

vas te faire foutre - go get fucked

vas te faire encule' - fuck you

fils de pute - son of a bitch

vas te branler - Fuck yourself!

une vieille bique, - an old bitch

un con, une conasse - a moron, an asshole

un trou du cul - an asshole

(lit.)

le con, la chatte - cunt, pussy

baiser - to fuck

con comme une bite - (really stupid)

ce sont des conneries - that's a load of shit

le'che moi et fait moi jouir
- lick me and make me cum

te^te moi le dard, encule'! te^te moi le noeud, pe'de'!
- suck my dick,
you fucked faggot!

un pe'de', une tantouze - afaggot

mes couilles sur ton nez - my balls on your nose

putain, pute - whore

cul - ass

bite - cock

pauvre con - asshole (lit. poor cunt)

vas pisser dans
les fleurs - fuck off

c'est rien que
de la merde - its just a bunch of shit(lit)
it's a load of rubbish /
it's real trash

vachier - go shit

Chienne, salope, putain - bitch

fils de pute - son of a bitch

ta me`re est une salope - your mother is a bitch
(it's not customary to involve parents in insults in French)

allez a enfer/va a enfer
- go to hell (old)

le`che mon cul - kiss (lit. lick) my ass

Va te branler - go play with yourself

Va te tripoter - go tinker with

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