I saved Mel Gibson.
That is, if I was his publicist, according to my writing teacher. We had an hour in class last week to write a 3 point proposal and a public statement for Mel Gibson regarding his arrest and, apparently, I was the only one in the class to get an A on the assignment! This is awesome because it's EXACTLY what I plan on doing with my career. Anyway, here's the statement I wrote up. I think mine is better than the one Mel's publicist did.
I would like to say how deeply sorry I am for my actions and the hurt that I have caused the Jewish community. For what I have done, there is no excuse and all I can offer is my deepest regret and my sincerest apology. The Jewish community has contributed a great deal to this world and are an integral part of the American culture. My slanderous remarks were completely unwarranted and goes against the beliefs that my faith has taught me. I feel like I have betrayed not only the Jewish community, but also the Christian community and the American public.
I am thankful for the police officer who pulled me over. He possibly prevented me from seriously hurting, or killing, an innocent person or myself. The officer was only protecting me from myself and the public by doing so and for me to insult him is shameful. I know that this will prevent me from ever attempting to drive while intoxicated again.
Once again, words cannot express how much I regret everything I have done and said. I have acknowledged that I have a problem and I am determined to fix it. I am currently seeking treatment for my alcoholism, which is a disease I have battled for many years. I hope that his is an event that can be forgiven.

I am so damn proud of myself.

Алкоголизм - привычка рассматривать всё с двух точек зрения.
Я бы поставил два.