It was a bad night for me on Friday, Harry's behaviours was so overwhelmingly disturbing, I ended up with an asthmatic attack, strong heart beat, and I could not concentrate on anything and was not able to sleep for some time. At the end I managed to calm myself down, listened to the CD, relaxed, and finally fell asleep. I have told myself that everything will be all right… We will still get divorced, and I will still go on holidays with my family, so whatever he does to make my life difficult is simply not going to work. I am determined to have a happy life free from abuse and stress!

It all started when I told him about my trip to Russia. He immediately demanded that I go at different time, without explaining why… I could not believe it, it really started upsetting me.. I already booked my tickets and paid for them, and I informed him right away! I have not done anything wrong! He would blame me for being vile, horrible person and not letting Yuri see his grand parents. I was in shock, I said I never stop you from taking Yuri to go see his grand parents! He can go any other time! I am only taking 2 weeks, and he can have the rest of the year. He blamed me for not consulting with him prior to making my plans.. And then finally he confessed that 2 weeks ago he has made a booking to go to Mauritius with Yuri - and dates of his trip overlap with mine!!! And of course I had no clue and he had no intention of telling me! And of course it's absolutely normal for him not communicating with me about his plans… and had I not booked my tickets, he probably would not have told me anything at all!
And then he got really angry and he could not resist telling me that he had hired a solicitor and is now contesting the divorce. He lied about all sorts of things, as expected, he said he never received the papers, and my sworn statement is rubbish. I had been open and honest with him during the entire process, I have told him what is going on. He waited and waited - he had 3 months to contest it, but he finally decided to act when he realised that if he does not, life will be too easy for me. That's exactly what he said " you've had it easy so far, now wait and see how this is going to change!"
I asked him what he is trying to achieve. He said "he is protecting his rights". What rights, I asked?
He said "for Yuri" I said I have always insisted he has contact with Yuri, as he is his father.. Earlier he kept saying that if we separate, he will never see Yuri again and I will be depriving his son from having a father. Now he turned it around and is pretending that I am not going to let him see his son… How typical.. So I asked him, what is he going to gain? Even if he defends, we'll still get divorced at the end, and he'll still be able to spend as much time with Yuri as he wants too…

All that he'll achieve is making it very difficult and unpleasant. He said the court would have to do cross examination, and they will be asking witnesses. I have no troubles have witnesses, all my friends are now aware of what's been happening, and some even experienced his rudeness and abuse directly…. Harry said that he will ensure my credibility is damaged, and that the court would not believe my friends, because they will lie about everything just the way I do. How funny, as the reality has been so bad, I do not have to lie, even describing 1% of the true events will convince the court, I am sure.. It's Harry who needs to lie, and he is not going to hesitate to do it.. He is claming I wanted to take Yuri away for 3 months, which is not true. I never wanted to take him away for that long, but the more he repeats it, the more he believes it - typical behaviour of an abusive man.

Anyways, It all got into my head badly, but I managed to reason with myself, and I just need to be calm and not worry about anything. I am convinced that justice will prevail.

Harry followed me to Reading on Saturday, I do not understand why he does that. He knows that I do not want to spend time with him, but he still imposes it. He kept nagging all the way, "be careful, hold Yuri's hand, etc.." I did not want him around, so was happy when we separated and went to the shoe shop. Yuri was happy to get the new shoes, for the first time ever.

I have worked on Yvette's photos, and sent her a few but again she was not very impressed. More and more I am finding that what I like does not necessarily match to what others like.. I can do this for myself, but if eventually I need to sell my work, I would need to adapt to peoples tastes.

We had lunch with Stef, Steve and the kids in Wargrave on Sunday, it was very nice, hot, sunny day, prefect for eating out. And then I went to see Camay. I drove well, and for the first time I did not get lost on my way back. She is still "stuck in the past" and is being very cautious about her future. For her financial stability is number one.. For me, I am willing to risk everything I have, just to ensure I am truly happy.. I am pleased that I am in the position to do this. And Camay seems content with what she has, so I am happy for her. She is a precious friend, and like everyone else I am accepting her as she is.

I spoke to aunty Lucy and Larissa Sunday night, it's been absolutely great to catch up!
Tanya told me that Sasha has left Victor. Though I do not know her, I feel that I am sharing her joy and triumph of abused women who manage to escape the abusers. When I succeed with my photography, I will find a way to help other abused women and help them to re-gain their freedom and independence!