Finally feeling back to normal today..strenght seems to be coming back, and my mind is clear.
The last energy drop really scared me, I thought I would never get out. What was it? One of the possible answers is that it was depression, I am not sure. Easier to blame it on a virus, or general fatigue. I am suspecting I go through a cycle when my energy drops and then goes back up, but this time it was just particularly low.
All the equipment is arriving bit by bit, the camera, the disks. I have to be careful and not get overly excited/tired, as my body won't be able to cope.
I can afford to make slow but sure progress. I do have time before the real-life test. The book is helping me to tune myself for success! I am on day 6, but I have not done the exercises properly, so I will read it all over again and make it part of my daily routine. I am finding out more interesting things about myself… my poor person's mentality, my insecurity, feeling that I am not worthy. All this can be changed, and I know it now.

We are making arrangements with Natasha, so I can go and visit the wedding venue and get ready for the shooting. I have confidence in myself, it'll all work out!

After my endless complains of sleep disturbances, Harry has put a separator on our bed last night, it looks like a long pillow stuffed with clothes. It was funny to sleep with this thing in the middle, but Harry could not touch me, which was the purpose, and it worked. So guess this means the official ending of our marriage - woo-hoo. I hate having him around, he is sick and will never change. Lots of rudeness again last night: "why did you put this in the sink", I asked - the reply from Harry: "Stop making drama!".. What can I cay? I do not say anything,,, I do not ask questions, and I do not ask for anything from him. Yet, he constantly demands something, it is unconscious, and no matter how much I resist, he just does not understand it. I completely despise him, he no longer exists.. I realised I have spent 7 years of my life trying to get rid of him. And this was my own choice that almost destroyed me.

Yuri has been funny lately.. He learned to say "sorry mummy", and he makes this funny face and says it with a guilty little voice, when he has not been behaving, it's super cute.

We also laughed like crazy about "yellow cocks" (yellow socks) - and "kwack-kwack", pronounced as "fuck-fuck". Harry kept playing that duck song, and laughing…

Yuri is going through the independence phase, he has to do everything himself - get in and out of the car, get undresses, putting his shoes on, etc. He is still in love with the Thomas book that I got from free cycle, we have to read it every day. Still counting and talking about colours, he is a persistent little boy. I can't wait to make the portraits of him, every time I look at him his beauty, his energy, his character to not seize to amaze me. I keep admiring this little creature that came out of my belly to have a totally separate life - independent, yet forever linked to mine.