Mom bought a book a few days ago. It's called "Reviving Ophelia; Saving the Self of Adolesent Girls" or something close to that. I can't be bothered in getting up to get the book to check for the actual title, you see.
Ophelia was one of the characters in Hamlet. She loves him to death but because he's too preoccupied in avenging his father's death he basically tells her to shove off, striving her to become so adorned with sadness she drowns herself. Neat, huh? The book's mainly about that; saving adolesent girls from going crazy with things that tear them up inside. At least that's my interpretation.
It has chapters like "Sex and Violence", "Drugs and Alcohol", "Depression", "Worshipping the Gods of Thinness" and stuff like that. I read through some of the book and told my mom which ones she should read because they sound like me. I recall telling her chapters 8 and 9 are the ones to look through, "Depression" and "Worshipping the Gods of Thinness." Yes, that's the actual name of the chapter.
My mom said she wants to understand what I'm going through so that she can help me and we can communicate better. I just want her to understand that I need help. Like... clinical, therapist maybe, counselor, special happy pills, anything to help make the pain inside go away. God I FUCKING WANT TO CUT, DAMNITttTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. BUT I PROMISED LEVY I WOULDN'T AND NOW LOOK WHAT I DID. I CAN'T COPE WITH ANYTHINGGGGGGGGGG FUCKERRR

Actually, even with cutting I still don't think I'd be able to handle everything. The problem is I can't talk about everything that's wrong with me. Not in here, not to my mom, or even a therapist/counselor. I mean, I can't, like not allowed isn't able tied to a chair threatened can't. I don't know why I think a trained professional can help me when I physically and emotionally am not able to explain everything, I just am kinda slipping away and if I don't do something now I'm seriously considering doing something drastic. Like what I'm not really sure, but something. Anything. Just to make everything stop hurting...