Women's English

Yes. = No.
No. = Yes.
Maybe. = No.
We need. = I want.
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
We need to talk. = I need to complain.
Sure, go ahead. = I don't want you to.
Do what you want. = You'll pay for this later.
I'm not upset. = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.
You're so ... manly. = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
It's your decision. = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like.

Men's English

Yes. = Yes.
No. = No.
I'm hungry. = I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy. = I'm sleepy.
I'm tired. = I'm tired.
Nice dress. = Nice cleavage!
I love you. = Let's have sex now.
I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex?
What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question.
May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to have sex with you in a minute.
Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you by my IQ and then I'd like to have sex with you.