Стихотворение - мой вольный перевод стихотворения Юлии Немировской...

  Part II

The wild animals in their cages,

The babies in their carriages,

All those people who walk on the streets,

None of them know

How you were fast and careful

When you were holding me in your arms.

None of them saw you lying down

With a child’s face, but powerful like a lion.

None of them know how heavy your head was

None of them know, but me…

My face, my stomach, my neck and my throat,

And every nerve of my crushed soul,

I know.

 And nothing in the world is more horrible

Than knowing and living without your love.

Sandra whispered the poem,  the word by the word, like beading a string. She tried to flog the memory about everything that just happened between her and Dennis, his voice, the taste of his kisses and the odor of his skin. It was warm and cozy under the blanket and she fell asleep. Sandra didn’t know for how long she was sleeping, but when she woke up it was still dark and quiet in the room.  “Dennis!” she called. Nobody answered. Sandra waited for a while and slowly started to dress. She turned on light in the room and switched off the heater; it was too hot.  She looked outside through the tiny window, but snow almost covered it from the outside. All that she saw was dark, inky night behind the window. Sandra walked back and forth across the room. The time dragged on slowly in the silence. Then she opened the door and looked outside.  It was freezing.  The snow was still falling.  Sandra put her jacket on and searched for the key to the room. Then she realized that probably Dennis took the key. So, she shut the door and stepped into darkness.

Sandra didn’t know where she was going and why. She understood that Dennis left the room long ago and a sticky fear about him squeezed her heart.

“I hope nothing bad has happened!” she thought.  All the windows of the training base were dark. A single lamp on the tall pole was wobbling in the wind and the shadows from the snow banks were moving too.  Sandra began to run on the path in the snow between the cabins. Then she turned on the main road and walked fast in the direction of the lighted building in the resort complex. People should be there.  Maybe someone saw Dennis. 

Suddenly Sandra heard laughing and loud voices. A few men were walking in the training base direction. When they came close Sandra noticed Dennis’s friends among the company, those whom she met that morning.  “Hi, guys!” she called to them. “Have you seen Dennis?”

“Yes! We have seen him!” said Val happily. He was staggering and probably drunk.

“No. We have not seen him.” Said Paul and looked significantly at Val.

“How did you lose your man?” asked Frank with laugh.  Sandra was confused.

 “He said he needed to go buy cigarettes. But… he left and never came back.” 

 “Oh…” replied Paul, “Smoking is such a bad habit…”  Everyone around started to laugh.

 “What is so funny?” asked Sandra. She didn’t understand what was going on.  Frankie  smiled:

 “Nothing, sweetie, nothing! Just ball came to the player…  It seems you got too cold being alone, right? Let’s go, we are good guys and we can warm you up much better than your Dennis.”   

Sandra felt someone touching and pinching her from behind. She turned around and looked at Paul, who was laughing.

 “What are you doing? Stop it! Are you crazy?” screamed Sandra and slapped Paul in the face. Paul stopped laughing. Everyone looked at him and waited. 

Paul looked her in the eyes and said slowly:  “Shut. Up. Bitch.” Then he knocked her down to the icy road with a short and hard stroke to her face.  Sandra tried to get up. The salty taste of blood appeared in her mouth.

“You are not a man,” she cried, “You are an animal!” 

 “I told you to shut up!” Paul said and at the same second pain and the bright flash from a heavy boot in the face knocked Sandra out.  The snow became bloody.

Sandra regained consciousness from the pain, when someone slapped her cheeks.  Sandra didn’t open her eyes.  She heard a conversation.  They were talking about her.                    

“She looks like she is drunk or stoned,” someone laughed.

 “Very funny. Let’s drag her out of the road!”                                                                   

  “Do you want to leave her here?”                                                                              

“Why not? Just somewhere farther…”    

“You are dumb, she is gonna die! It’s freezing!"                                                                       

“Who cares?”

“It’s snowing, you see?”

“No one will find her till spring.”

“She was right, you are crazy!”

“I know.  I’m just kidding you!”

“Dumb ass!”

“Shut up already!”

“Come on, help me to lift her up…”

They tried to put her on her feet and force her to walk. Sandra felt nauseated, her lips and nose were bleeding, one tooth was loose and she barely moved her feet.  The guys almost dragged Sandra to the Paul’s room and dropped her on the dirty floor. They left and didn’t even shut the door. Sandra heard snow crump of their leaving footsteps. She slowly opened her eyes and looked around. It was cold in the room and snowflakes were flying into the opened door frame.  Sandra crawled to the door and locked it.  Sandra turned the heater on, and memory returned her to the time she and Dennis were together. She was on the verge of tears. Sandra found a little round mirror in her backpack and looked at herself. Her hands were shaking. She almost dropped the mirror.  Her nose had been broken and crooked on one side. Her lips were swollen, her eyes were narrow and all her face was like one big bloody bruise.  Sandra tried to clean her face and clothing with a wet napkin, but nothing helped. She cried from pain, perplexity and abjection, and her tears mixed with blood colored the napkin pink.

Sandra had been lying snug in bed, when someone twice pushed, then knocked on the door.

“Dennis?” Sandra asked.

The key turned inside the lock and the door opened.

            “No, darling, this is not Dennis. The boys and I had a meeting and I decided to come back! Oh… You are in bed already, I see!”  It was the laugh and voice of drunken Paul. “Did you miss me, my beauty?”

“I am in a trap,” thought Sandra and looked at Paul and his friends standing behind him.

“You will never do it again,” said Paul seriously.

“Do what?”  

“Raise your hand to a man!”

“A man,” repeated Sandra with a smirk.

“It seems she is asking for evidence,” giggled Frank.  Paul smiled:

“Your face looks terrible, but everything else still fine. Take off your clothes, we gonna have some fun. You’ll see my evidence right now,” said Paul and unzipped his jeans.

Sandra started to sob, but her brain worked fast and clear: “I got to get out of here… but how? I need to do something! Immediately!” 

“I feel nauseous…” groaned Sandra. “I need to throw up now.”

“Oh, shit!” yelled Paul. “Take her out of here, Frankie! I don’t need her spew in my room!”

“I’ll take her!” said Val quickly. He grabbed Sandra under the arms, bundled her jacket on her and pushed her outside.

Sandra moved slowly, step by step farther and farther from Paul’s cabin. Val walked near her, helping and holding her. She could not escape from him. She kept walking until he stopped her.

            “That’s it. You may do it here.”

Sandra took a deep breath, groaned and suddenly fell down with her face in the snow. Val got a fright.

            “Hey… Are you okay?” he asked quietly. Sandra didn’t answer. “Sandra?”

Val tried to pick the girl up from snow. “What happened?”

            “I’m not going back” Sandra said unflinchingly. Val looked around then asked Sandra:

            “Maybe you wanna go to my room?”

            “What?!”

            “Wait, wait! It’s not what you thought about! I mean… Do you know where you wanna go?”

Sandra shook her head.

            “I don’t know. I think, I need to find a doctor.”

“You won’t find a doctor here right now, even in the resort.” Val looked around for one more time.

“Listen, you need to decide something quickly. I can offer you a bed in my room if you want. I promise, I’m not gonna touch you. For myself I have a sleeping bag. Dennis was using it the other night.”

“Dennis? He told me he was sleeping in Paul’s room,” replied Sandra.

“Forget about it!” said Val. “Let’s go! Faster!”  He almost hauled Sandra to his room.

“Thank you, my Lord!” thought Sandra. “I’m saved.”

***

            The next morning Dennis was waiting for Sandra at the bus stop. He brought her skis and backpack and walked back and forth, moving and jumping from the morning cold. When Sandra came, he couldn’t look at her face.

            “Sandra…” he said. “I’m very sorry that happened. I drank too much in the bar last night and fell asleep. When they woke me up it was deep night and I barely find my way to the training base. I almost froze coming back!”

Sandra didn’t answer. She just looked at Dennis and thought about a big and iridescent soap bubble that popped. She took the crystal bell from her pocket and tossed it on the icy road. The bell shortly clinked. Then Sandra stepped on it and cracked it out.

            The bus left the bus stop.

            Dennis turned around and moved in the direction of the training base. The weather was beautiful, the coach was gone, the ski lift was working already and day was going to be very nice.