got an email from a friend who was sharing good news of acceptance to law school. i'm very happy for her. but then got thinking to how i should probably also be doing something with my life. but what. i keep using my husbands career as an excuse. but deep down i know that if i trully wanted something, i would have done it anyway. the problem is i trully don't know what i want.

everyone around me (all our friends and acquantances) are moving on with their lives - have children, move up the corporate ladder, go to grad school... and i'm in the same exact spot i was 5 years ago. i'm not stupider or lesser than them, may be even the opposite. so what is my problem? why don't i have a drive to do something about my life?

may be i should just bite the bullet and fork out $400 for GMAT and GRE and take it from there? see which score is better and pick a school that way. but then i once again will be falling into a trap of getting stuck doing what i'm good at but don't necessarily like. the road to Ph.D. scares me shitless. getting a job won't be easy and as much as i like it, i might completely suck at it. which explains why i stuck with something i'm good at but don't like for so many years.

if i could only learn to make decisions and stick by them.