I feel like I owe it to my 3 readers to write something.

This weekend finished a rather stupid book that made me think. It was about 4 women who got married, had kids and now in their mid-30s are left wondering, "what's next?" I got the first step completed and dreading the next two, so as not to get to the "what's next?" level. My mom is pushing for grad school and kids simultaneously, my husband said I should do whatever I want. The problem is trying to figure out what I want. At this point I'm taking suggestions. Sometime I wish everything would be figured out for me but then that's what I've been trying to escape for years.

I've also realized why this diary is making me so pessimistic. All day long I try to cheer other people up by trying to prove that life is great, don't worry be happy. When I'm finally left alone with my thoughts, I realized how exhausted I am keeping up a happy appearance. Doubts start crawling out, may be everyone is right and life is not that great. But then what?