Faced with the overwhelming firepower and military might of the U.S. led coalition forces poised on its border, Iraq asked the French Government today to send so-called "surrender experts" to Baghdad.
According to Iraqi Vice President Tariq Aziz, the experts will "instruct the Iraqi military in all forms of surrender. Obviously, no country on earth has more experience with surrender or is more qualified in training others in this key aspect of warfare."
Iraq sought the French help so that they could surrender more quickly in this conflict than in the First Gulf War. According to Skeptician military analyst Rip Rowan, "During Operation Desert Storm, the Iraqi Army tended to make orderly and calm surrenders. They would walk slowly towards the Coalition forces with white flags."
"The French style of surrender, however, is much quicker. The French will teach them how to simply throw their weapons down and run screaming towards coalition lines, beg for forgiveness, and then roll over on their backs and ask for their tummies to be scratched."
French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin (who is a man) could not be reached for comment. Various news reports said that he was under his kitchen table, hiding from his dog