Jesus loves you, but I think your an asshole!

Don't Honk - I'm Pedaling as Fast as I Can

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an IDIOT!

Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Forget about World Peace....visualize using your turn signal.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

HORN DOES NOT WORK- WATCH FOR FINGER!

Mopeds are like fat women. Fun to ride but you don't want to be seen with em!

Honk if you have had sex with Clinton.

Hang Up And Drive!

Don't like my driving? Call 1-800-FUCK-YOU

"KEEP HONKING".... I'M RELOADING

If your cute,single,and rich, HONK!

WARNING: Driver only carries $20.00 worth of ammunition.

Sex is like air, it's only bad when you are not getting any.

My wife's other car is a broom.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, then baffle them with bullshit.

Constipated people don't give a shit.

Practice safe sex, go fuck yourself.

If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.

If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.

Please tell your pants its not polite to point.

If that phone was up your ass, maybe you could drive a little better.

My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.

To all you virgins thanks for nothing.

If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counseling.

If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.

If your not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.

I don't have an attitude problem...You have a perception problem.

I want to die while asleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Don't get married. Find a woman you hate and buy her a house.

I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better!

When blondes have more fun do they know it?

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.

I don't discriminate, I hate everyone!

HONK! If Monica Lewinsky blew you!

Hire the handicapped, they're fun to watch. (That's sick)

Happiness is lipstick on my dipstick!

I may be fat, but you are ugly and I can lose weight.

So many cats.....so few recipes.

My other ride is your MOTHER!!