You know....

I really loved him.... and still love him now. I've been thinking about it for a long time, and maybe even considered such a possibility as a normal one... I can assume, I even told my friends that I love him,,... but I realised it only now. Here. In Greece again, after reading another stupid romantic story, which in real life ofcourse couldn't have happened. And I regret that understanding. I have no idea what to do. On Friday I am going back to my St.Petersburg and will face the same company of my friends. Without him. Several guys in stead of him. Several to choose from, but noe of them will warm me up, will make me full again. Yes, I felt apart. And realised too late even to consider even a thought that he thinks about me.

We were best friends. We spent hours keeping each others company. Never tired of ourselves. Always having a theme to talk. We usually met and enjoyed pleasing society of each other.... I was happy. Have never thought of something more. Until came the day when my friend said that we will make a nice couple until the end of the year or will regret it. That time I just laughed. And she did. But after that conversation I began to doubt my own feelings. But still called it a friendship. Strangely enough - I can't even remember how we said good bye to each other. Strangely enough - I managed my feelings only in a year.

I'm noy exhausted... I'm not alone.... but I feel that loneliness, that fucking empty whole in me, that strange feeling of cold when it is +35 outside. And I don't know again what to do, because I know that it is in the past and there is a tiny possibility even to meet him in my life. I know that I should be thinking about more appropriate and rational and important things... but I love him. And can't stop thinking about it.