like l have to go to oman to change my visa next week and l am more than just a bit worried l am actually very stressed out and scared of it...then x-mas with Guy seems to be impossible due to all the headache and burreucracy with gettin a visa...l have to be present not only to get the visa but even to apply for it...may be use the connections with the netherlands embassy or l dunno what.,,may be my man will try to solve the problem...who knows....l mean nobody is dyin yet l feel so anxious...the boy is putting more pressure on me as well by demanding more and more attention and commitment from my side than l can offer...l believe that when it comes to making the choice it'll be Guy...

no one shud help me out with the brainwashing since it is my battle and l am the one to fight it...l cant have some man to comfort me and my worries...
so hard to be me,,,and yet so wonderul....