В колонках играет - A Perfect Circle - Imagine
Настроение сейчас - just wondering

i don't want to fight this world anymore. but it still keeps fighting me. and since i ain't no fucking christian to let them slap my another cheek, i go on with my everyday struggle for another day... and for another... and for another. i can't stop, cause i still want to feel a little more alive than dead. so i have no choice - and i just keep going on.
...the worst thing about it all is the fact that i don't know which of us - the world or me - started this confrontation. is there something wrong about this planet - or about myself? and why on earth should the world push me away even when i try to conform? what so terribly wrong have i done in my mother's womb, that it rejects me from the very first day of my conscious life?..
...the world is silent.

В колонках играет - Nine Inch Nails - The Wretched
Настроение сейчас - sleepy

in fact, i've already have a journal here on li.ru... but i'm tired of it. i'm not the real way i am in it, you know. sorry if you're irritated reading this because of my speaking english, but i just can't help it... i'm russian - ukrainian actually*which is all the same in fact* - but the thing is that i happen to think in russian, but to feel - in english... and here i don't want to think much. i'm so much tired of thinking and using my reason, common sense and everything of the kind. i did it so much and so hard recently that i've almost forgot - what it is to feel... just what it feels like.
...well, now i guess it's time for me to go to bed. i've got a lecture at nine and i don't want to oversleep it... well, in fact i do want, but... i'd better not. so, sweet dreams to me.

В колонках играет - Nine Inch Nails - The Great Below
Настроение сейчас - beyond blank

...the only one wandering in the eternal night, messed up in the global web and in my own little private virtuality.
...by now i seem not to care about the pain at all. in fact, tonight i really doubt if i can still feel it... or whatever else.
...maybe in the morning my apathy will somehow fade away and i will make something in any way creative out of my emptiness.
...maybe tomorrow there will be another me... in a way.

...lost and scared, drifting in the cold waters of styx. the great river is wise, it knows what i really need - and it washes away my memory...
join me in oblivion