I finally got myself un-confused, I guess with a little help but still.
I was just listenin to Dr.Rowes analyzing ''Macbeth'' & how towards the end Lady Macbeth completely looses her mind.
She made a connection between how both- Macbeth & Lady Macbeth are cold hearted & cannot feel any sympathy for anything & anyone to an example in real like when you're out on a date with someone & you really had fun with that person & then he/she disappears & never calls again...
So the other person starts to wonder if everything was so perfect- what went wrong? While the other person doesn't make any conntact with you simply because he had bad experinces with dating before you even came in the picture...so they shut down for everyone, & those kinda people are very hard to get them to open up to you, most of the time you can't.



& that day I realized that that was the case in my PAST.
One thing I know is that what you don't know can't hurt you.
& how do you tell someone the complete truth if you KNOW they'll take it the wrong way.

There's only one person I love in this world, & I think he knows who he is.
But despite that I don't think love should get in the way of friends, & other stuff. I mean we all have our own ''circles'' of people who we talk to & even if I do with all honesty tell the complete truth that person will get mad without even thinking about me, will go ahead & start doing stupid things that will ruin everything for the both of us, & who will be happy then? NO ONE.

It's just a play on words
Like the rocks thrown in the water,
In those crystal eyes I see
I see all the things of what love just couldn't be-
It wouldn't be for it ceases to exist
My sincere heart shattered into tiny bits & pieces
Each one reflecting how I saw you
With raging waters, & broad midnight skies
I felt it was right to stay with you until the sun will rise...
Life is like a stage
May silence speak too much
While the actors' heart is filled with rage
Some, full of compassion-
Molding someone else's fate
For all to be given in return-
Is to hate.

L.L.<3 '06

Im just cheating myself, like this.

''A Tear Could Be.''


I like the sound of silent music
The feel of non existing love
I like to hear the silent laughter
The skies with morning stars above
I love illusions & it's dreams
I cannot love.
Beacause for me too plain it seems
I like the water, when it's clear
For when it is too dark
It sheds a tear
Not visible to you- but me,
The only one a tear could be.
L.L.<3 '06

''Play On Words.''


It's just a play on words
Like the rocks thrown in the water,
In those crystal eyes I see
I see all the things of what love just couldn't be-
It wouldn't be for it ceases to exist
My sincere heart shattered into tiny bits & pieces
Each one reflecting how I saw you
With raging waters, & broad midnight skies
I felt it was right to stay with you until the sun will rise...
Life is like a stage
May silence speak too much
While the actors' heart is filled with rage
Some, full of compassion-
Molding someone else's fate
For all to be given in return-
Is to hate.


L.L.<3 '06

''THOUGHTS.''


You're a vivid illusion inside of my heart
Something I tried to change, but we were too far apart
You know, after you, I'd die to feel again
Just one more time, just a little bit...
You'll never see me cry
Only in the April rain, when I whisper goodbye
I want...
Life- beginning with a capital letter
I have to walk away, doesn't matter what it takes me,
It's for the better
Barefoot over broken glass
I'd rather drown in my own tears but I have to get out
Until midnight I'd act, see you through someone else's eyes
It isn't me, I don't believe those twisted lies
I love...
Your heart stays cold despite my never ending tries
I cry...
Because there's nothing else real except those fiery eyes
I'd rather everything mean nothing, than something,
I'd rather loose all hope, not hear the savage laughter of my mind
My heart is shattered-
From everything so hard to leave behind
But from second to hour it's harder to let go
I thought I had everything figured out, I thought I had the key
But I never was & never will be what you needed me to be
Somehow I still have that desire, to find a way for you...
It's like every time I wake up you- my tears, remind me of the morning dew.

Written By Asya(Pot), Editted & Illustrated by Lenok(fruity)

*In this exiting play you will learn all about the dramatic lives of the characters, such as...Lena- the lovely, bubbly blonde, but oh...she always gets what she wants- SHE WINS! Asya- Finally finding her true love, or lover, Kitty- the girl who is dating two guys at the same time, both Andreis btw, Andrei- who apparently doesn't keep a checklist of the girls he makes out with, (Andrei Jr.- still has time to act in a play), Timur- who is way off track & needs a life ASAP, Vlad- The guy in love with Lena, Sergey- who is desprate for a girl, that's all there is to it, Artem- fun guy, notices unusual stuff easily, Kostya- the talented & skillfull liar, the stage is missing a very good actor!, Ejik- Kostya's ''friend'' who is aware of Kostya's evil deeds, Alya- the girl who finally, too, gets what she deserves, as do Natana,& the N girl*


*Asya narrates ...*


Lena: Okay Asya- I get the pink wedding dress, pink, pink, PINK!

Asya: Yes & we are Andrei's two of four wives, & Andrei is coming to Passage, which is also The Muslim Youth Center (well...according to Lena) therefore he's allowed to have as many wives as he wishes. (Asya starts bitching)



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Lena: yo we should chill here all da time yo ..

*Andrei is punching walls*

Asya: Oh look! *Kostya runs in with the sniper* (& he be like . . .


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Kostya: Get down bitches, I'm the Pope!

Lena: Yo bitches get down, he's the pope!



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Asya: Lena...that's not your line, for the last time!

Lena: *pshh*

*Timur jumps through the window with 2 girls in bikinis, with Vlad & Natana . . . *

*Who is jumped by Lena & Asya*

Lena & Asya: yo we will RIP YOUR HAIR OUT!

Asya: It's not his baby bitch! He's not the daddy!

Lena: Yes! lies I tell you, LIES!!!

*Natana lies on the ground- ''a little'' messed up.*

Vlad: OMG, she has a fake nose! *he screams*

*Lena stands there, using her favorite line . . . *

Lena: HA!, I win!

*Vlad falls in front of Lena*

Vlad: prosti menya! (will you every find it in your <3 to forgive me?)

Sergey: NO, she's mines!

Lena: Sergey, how many times must I tell you, it is mine, mine & mine, no S, you're so illiterate!

Asya: *Just that minute Kostya takes out his gun...*

Kostya: Leave the girl alone, & take 3 steps back!

*Sergey & Vlad move*

Lena: Oh God, now I must choose, they're all drills, how shall I make my pick? Let's see, the NYPD, or the Mafia, NYPD, Mafia . . .

Alya: Come on Lena, tick tock, make that brain function you can do it, yes you can!, (trenerui mozgi!)

Lena: Okay! I think...in my opinion, well....from my point of view...

Asya: Lena this is not a difficult choice, do not worry we will both fed ex you the icecream!

Lena: Yes, yes okay, (because last time my icecream wasn't fedexed to me)...

*Kostya!!! Lena screams, they run in slow motion & hug*

*Everyone awws*

Asya:*Kostya throws the gun away, hitting the N girl across the head*

Asya: ''Let's go to our grandma's house'', Kostya says.

Asya:*& they leave on their honeymoon- k babushke*

*Lena turns back*

Lena: Did she pass out, is she dead, huh, huh, huh?

Asya: Oh, she's just a little knocked out.

*Ejik comes in screaming...*

Ejik: Why are you running away with that psychotic bitch?!?

Asya:*But Alya grabs the gun & says ''Leave them alone, i bros' svoyu suku!'' (& dump your gf!)*

*Ejik obeys...& they leave, (no one knows where)...*

*Asya is left in the room with Timur, 2 bikini girls, Sergey, & Andrei...*

*Asya is looking around- confused*

*Timur is telling the 2 bikini girls about the hardships of life & having kids*


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Asya: Oh, lies, lies, I tell you...LIES! (pauses)
Asya: Oh Jesus, God, now I sound like Lena!

*Just then Andrei cracks his pothead against the wall...& it cracks & tells Sergey...*

Andrei: See this? That will happen to you... let her go.


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Asya: Oh Andrei, I've always known you loved me...

*Just then Kitty runs Читать далее...

okay another poem...not really 4 Asya but w.e. its 4 me lol...here it goes this1s more serious...


''Love or no love, that's not the point...
I was understanding, & I trusted more than you ever knew; it was for you-
I was honest, & I was real,
I was true, & your <3 was the <3 that I tried to heal...
Just to waste my time & find out that neither of us can really feel...
There's no one to blame, but why say your hearts on fire if you can't feel the flame?
There comes an end to everything in life, to every lie, to everything fake, to the opportunities to show our love that we don't take.''

~ L . L . ~

now that that's done & ovr w. tom. Im movin on & Im bck in the game as Asya puts it lol, Im goin on a double ( blind ) date w. her 2 the movies & thn the beach hmm shld be interestin... ;) LOL (& no stupid shit!!!...again lol noooooooooooooooooo)
[525x700]

Asya~
''Cuz Lena's got her pot of gold always by her side,
Whenever Lena slips up, or gets mad, Asya's down for the ride.
All the guilt trips. regrets, & upsets,
Asya started smoking cigarettes.
Lena broke her ankle dancing to ''Thriller''
& Asya came running with the pain killers.
When Lena runs away from home, Asya's the first person on Lena's phone.
When Lena hears rumors
Asya's got the facts
Sometimes for Lena's sake Asya has to control how Lena acts.
When Lena calls for backup, Asya's got 10...
Asya, please make sure his name isn't Dima or Ken.
Asya has to break up with Lena's boyfriends, otherwise she knows with her dear Lena the same story never ends.
Lena keeps making the same stupid mistakes-
But Asya will do whatever it takes to heal Lena's heart from the heartbreaks
When Lena starts liking her bfs best friend, Asya says that a big no no
Lena, with you...does it EVER end? =]
Lena & Asya break bottles on Brighton, burn paper at home,
That's why right now they can't come to the phone...
Lena uses Asya's tactics to get the guy
& when she does, he's 1 fake lie, so Asya says
Lena dump his ass, just don't fckn cry! =)
When Lena's nervous, Asya's always there with her ideas & service...
Lena, say hi, what's up? He'll say nothing much you?
Okay, bye...good luck!
When Lena was sure she couldn't get hurt,
Asya warned her, don't get emotionally involved, don't get stuck.
Asya finally found someone for Lena who doesn't work for the secret service =D
Lena, he's hott, but not conceited so don't get nervous!
When Lena's at home & she's out of tea...
Asya says ''Lena, meditate, & say you're a tree.''
''Lena, where are you? Look @ the street sign!''
''I can't see there's a tree''
''LOL Lena, will you please try & see?''
''Asya it's raising hay''
''No Lena, it's develop pay...''
For the 1st time Lena was right,
Sometimes Asya has those days, when she's not very bright. =P
Asya & Lena share an ex
Asya helps Lena with her h.w. & projects.
When Lena needs help, Asya's like the encyclopedia on Lena's shelf! ;)
Asya will hurt anyone who tries to rip Lena's hair out...
KARZINKA & GORSHOK WILL SHOW YOU WHAT THEY'RE ALL ABOUT!''
[525x700]

The difference between you & me is that I'm real. Im sick of everything, my mom's bf, my mom being upset cuz of me, & I do want a normal family, yeah you say these days no one has a perfect family, but I wish I did.

It's at times like these that people with fake personalities & fake stories bout their miserable lives piss me off...you don't know half of what I'm goin through, & I don't want to write my whole life story here- online, but I don't think I'll be able to trust anyone for a while. The thing is everyone takes things differently, & personally- I care, a lot, especially about my family. & I don't wanna tell you how I never cry (which I just did)- because I do, & that I am always right, it's not even that, what makes me real is that I do get upset, & I do make stupid, stupid mistakes in my life; which cause problems for others. & yes I complain about my life, you might not wanna hear it but I am, as you can see I am bein very honest here... & the thing that (in my opinion) makes me strong is that I admitt when I'm wrong, I can be honest with myself, I don't ask anything from anyone if it's not comin from them, & I can admitt it to myself when I did something stupid, & I don't want people to suffer for the mistakes I've made b.c. I feel like no one owes me anything.
So live your life- but live it for yourself.
[450x337]

its not that Im stupid or I don't get it, but mne tak udobno...for now...so there. Im not emotionally attached, can't get hurt, its all good =)