В колонках играет - ''Puh I Perya.''- Bratya Grim.
Настроение сейчас - la la la

I love my baby, & he's only mine to love.



*A mne pravda ''tak interesnei, love U''. I can't not get myself into shit & then start fixing it, where's the fun in that? =]

MeetSpot.com/DewLLuscious

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check out my pro.

Whimit.com/DewLLuscious

connecting Russians. :-)

hs.facebook.com/profile.php...1385220007

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rep. LaG'08! =)

MySpace.com/UndescribableBeatsByLenka

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shh...listen. ;)

MySpace.com/DewLLuscious

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check it out =]

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Моя иллюзия-пелена
Даёт миру странные песни.
Моя иллюзия голодна
И нас свяжет клювами вместе.

Шизокрылы наступают.
Ла-ла-ла-ла-ла-ла
Я напеваю.

Дуйте в трубы, рвите губы,
Мы забьём на рассветы.
Я пчела из белой пудры,
И меня рядом нету.

Моя иллюзия,как метла,
Она сдвинет все твои крыши.
Она оставит тебе сполна.
Давай быстро ею подышим.

Шизокрылы наступают.
Ла-ла-ла-ла-ла-ла
Я напеваю.

Дуйте в трубы, рвите губы,
Мы забьём на рассветы.
Я пчела из белой пудры,
И меня рядом нету.

Я призрак с белой слюной луны,
Я дух, но твёрдый- с запахом мёда.
Мои иллюзии-корабли сметут
Годы, стили и моды.

Шизокрылы наступают,
Ла-ла-ла-ла-ла-ла
Я напеваю.

Дуйте в трубы, рвите губы,
Мы забьём на рассветы.
Я пчела из белой пудры,
И меня рядом нету.

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Да-да - дарю, да-да - дарю.
Да-да - дарю, да-да - дарю.

Поют перепела, перепелицы
И заинька моя перепила.
Пила - лила - лила, но мы оптимисты.
Нам только дотянуть бы до утра.

Пр.
Я тихо спою новые песни.
Тебе подарю новые сны.
Отблагодарю - мне интересней.
Так интересней. Love you.

Зелёная икра тает на лицах.
Твои перепела их заклюют.
Пила - лила - лила, здравствуй столица.
Пила - лила - лила, I love you.

Пр.
Я тихо спою новые песни.
Тебе подарю новые сны.
Отблагодарю - мне интересней.
Так интересней. Love you.

Пила - лила - лила перепелица.
Меня раскалила и добела.
Пила - лила - лила, здравствуй столица.
Пила - лила - лила и до утра.

Пр.
Я тихо спою новые песни.
Тебе подарю новые сны.
Отблагодарю - мне интересней.
Так интересней. Love you.

В колонках играет - ''Veter Znoi.''- Bratya Grim.
Настроение сейчас - THOUGHTFUL...in every sense...

I was watching Lolita & she explains everything that I feel that even I can't explain. It's true only when you're afraid to loose someone do you realize exactly how much you need/or don't need them in your life. Nothing to do with love, just need.



Sad, but true... Going into another relationship while you are not over the previous one is the worst choice you can make. (for yourself.) Pain, anger, revenge, history, memories, & forgiveness, all of that will result in how you're going to act in your next relationship. For the most part, most people don't change & usually make the same mistakes as done previously. Unfortunately, sometimes, I think I belong to that majority of people.

I mean you can't get over someone when you REFUSE to get over them. Even if you feel that you can, first you have to ACCEPT that that is what you have to do, for yourself.

To go into something new, you have to completely let go, forgive, forget, but most importantly forgive. Otherwise you will mistakingly be taking out revenge on the next person you'll be going out with. You won't trust anyone, & will never be able to love if you don't completely deal with the past. & so this cycle goes on & on, unless you choose to do something about it. For some reason I thought I was the only one with these issues, turns out I am, by far, not. Question is...how do you deal?



I think *ko svemu nujno podhodit' s umom*


Asya said...''nujno zdorovo zadet''
mda, zadeli, tol'ko ne ya, a menya... =[

В колонках играет - ''Mne Trudno Govorit'- REFLEX & ''Polusa''-Smislovie Gallucinacii
Настроение сейчас - like I said...0PTIMISIC.

I guess it's kind of like when my step sister told me- ''You'll be thankful in the future that he rejected you that day.'' That was about the end of the summer, few last days. We were on the train going somewhere, & all I could think about was why did my ''let me drink, & smoke some more, & then leave god knows where with Dima'' plan didn't work...
What I didn't know is that today I am more than thankful that it didn't Can you imagine if it was me & not Nastya that he left with. I wouldn't get over him in a good two years, & probably regret for a good five. What Dasha told me was a very optimistic point of view, he remembered what happened last time, & he knew that if he hooked up (I mean all the way ''hooked up'') with me he'd feel bad because he himself knows he fucks people over, but Nastya, he knew she wouldn't care much. So in a way, she told me to think of it as that he respects you, & didn't want to hurt you, as opposed to rejection.



So now, IF ANYTHING, I know that whatever happened with whoever shouldn't hurt me (it does, but shouldn't, you know...) Yes I guess I don't admit it now, but I do feel in a few months I will be VERY thankful that either God, or he himself, or just consequences didn't let me lower myself to that level where I would let myself be cheated...(literally- unfortunately.) Always felt so strong about myself leaving ''as soon as something'', but this time I knew I would be stupid & stay, YES EVEN IF something didn't happen, I don't even mean as much physically, as emotionally. So yes I am thankful for that one little thing that still makes me respect myself, & that didn't let me go below my principles.



A pessimist would call this rejection. I would call this a favor.
One thing that I do know is that I'm ahead of the game, yes a loser, but a loser who's still ahead of the game. & she might win, but she'll never gain what I gained. You have to give some to get some. So you have have to loose some to have room to take something else in. So I guess this time I lost to someone, but what I gained was not making the most regretful mistake of my life, to forgive what can't be forgiven, & to close my eyes on something a self respecting person wouldn't.


Now, only one question, since when am I, this optimistic?

So many things to realize,
But all of them were missed
To loose whatever meant more than now
Rather than to be ''forever kissed.''
I won't run away from regretful mistakes
Surrounded by four walls, thinking of you,
Thinking of HOW I'll do whatever it takes
No words can describe, no kiss can compare
To the one of yours, life without you is to live without air...
Sometimes I wanna tell you that I am only yours
But what is the point when you wish to close all doors
Why be with someone else when my heart beats for you
Your hugs & your arms are the ones I want to fall into
But I keep missing, & I keep falling
My phone rings all day, but you're not calling...
All day I'm planning, & I keep aiming,
But with every kiss, I'm only failing.
& even though I know you'll never return
I'll rip up old cards knowing that memories are much harder to burn.
L.L. 6.2.07

В колонках играет - ''UR''- by Tiesto.
Настроение сейчас - violent. =]

I love my mom, the names that she calls people sometimes shock me. Like, even I would never say that to her. She's the coolest mom you'll ever meet, she's the coolest mom I ever met. lol She's like ''skaji emu eto, skaji ei to, skaji im 4to oni''...oh that's me skipping lots of curse words in the middle lol =] No wonder I have sucha bad, but sucha good habit of sending people straight to hell. I swear, I don't have time, or the ENERGY for bullshit, I did when I was 14. I had nothing better to do, but bitch & threaten back & forth with some stupid bitches on aim & whimit. Now, I honestly would be very, very, very SATISFIED with punching some idiot in the face. =)zaebali everyone, I haven't been in a fight since...this summer, even though that was more of me running away from three guys than fighting but still lol. Sometimes me & Asya wanna get together &...(no not get drunk)..& rip some hair out. =]


Tomorrow, actually that would already be today, is Friday! This means Lenochka is going out. Me, Yana, & Asya are thinking somewhere along the lines of the boardwalk & Carlo's pizzeria, not for pizza, obviously, for tequila ;]

В колонках играет - 6 am ... ?
Настроение сейчас - hyper.

Amazing, I actually went to sleep @ exactly 9:30 yesterday! Now it's 6 am & I feel fine, perhaps if I went to sleep like this all the time I wouldn't be late every single day. lol

You know what scares me...How is it that when you actually try, nothing goes your way, & when you give up, everything happens on its own. Which in a way proves that people really don't have that much control over their lives. I remember something like this from Greek Mythology, unfortunately I wouldn't remeber what it's called because sophomore year seems so far back now lol.
I had this interesting convo with my mom yesterday, over sushi lol. I realized that what I want from life, mostly has to do with me. I want my own apartment when I do to college, of course I mean renting, & of course with a roommate (I have a couple of ideas already on whom that might be ;) She agrees with me for the most part, we even went to like 20 years into the future lol Now, THEN I want MY OWN apartment, a successful career, that will actually be something I like to do. I don't want to get married or have kids, just live life for myself go out, meet people, & work, work, work =] I'm not saying opinions never change, but for now that's what I'm aiming for. & still I keep thinking about it I would love to be a landscape designer. Then again we all know just how many times I change my mind about my future profession...exactly.

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[350x350]В колонках играет - Irina Dubcova.- ''Beda.''
Настроение сейчас - ... was I ever NOT allright? =]

sometimes it scares me. When you beg & apologize, get nothing in return, when you stop caring- you get cared for. Sometimes I feel that stops me from being who I really am, loving & caring, because when I close my eyes on many things & apologize, I get ignored, or worse. & when I'm a bitch, I get everything I want. We've has SO MANY arguments that it's impossible to fix everything. It's not that I'm against him going drinking with his friends, I know it's obvious he will never cheat on me, no matter what, but just the fact that he would rather go spend time with them than me, or all of us together. I think I agree that when two people are in a relationship, clubs & lounges, & all of that are not needed, unless they go together, but you can't deny the same goes for going drinking with your friends, or whoever. I want to be appreciated to, everywhere. =[ He doesn't get it, he says that I'm nice to him, he'll return the same feelings even more, but every time I try everything becomes even worse. =/ I'm not a trusting girl, I can't be nice first becomes I'm afraid of getting hurt, & the circle never ends...all I'm saying is that if maybe he stood up to his friends who are probably saying I'm keeping him on a leash (I'm not) & said that I won't go anywhere without her, I would make sacrifices & not go out to clubs or lounges, or anywhere with my friends until he's ready to go with me. I'm afraid to do ANYTHING nice first because EVERY SINGLE TIME, like this time, when I came & apologize & begged, I didn't get him back, I didn't get anything. I just hope he'll make the first move first, he'll do something for me, AGAIN, & I'll do it back. There's no other way.
This lady from Bez Komplekosov got divorced three times, all because all three of her husbands liked to go out ONCE IN A WHILE to go drink with their friends. I see her point, why should she have to stay home alone, & worry, fortunately, they all came running back to her. It's called respect. I'm like that, if something hurts, I'll leave I won't stand like an idiot waiting for God knows what. Leaving hurts too, probably more, but I'd rather leave respected, than stay & look stupid.
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Anyway, that's not even the main reason for out ''split'', I love him, & I know I'll always be there for him, even if he decides not to be here for me.
& I'm pretty much satisfied with today. Especially Oleg leaving, & him being slow enough not to notice both of us being in the house. Or we're just skilled, especially me, ya know when you've have a lot of practice ;) lol.

I don't like this, if you look back at my previous post about ''bad people- being good friends'' you'll see that it doesn't agree with my recent one, @ all. That bothers me, does it mean I can't keep my mind on the same thing for more than a day? But...bad people..can't, they can't be good friends. What ever before made me think otherwise. Liars can't be good people either, & definitely. can't be good, reliable friends.


But I was waiting, not to feel pity, not to him come crying to me, not in that sense tho. In the sense that his ''good'' friend will fuck him over, & he'll simply realize that I was there for him more than his great friend was, His ''good'' friend waited 2 weeks for him to call first becau
se his ''good'' friend had been done wrong ONCE in his lil miserable life, which he did to people more than once. He didn't call him back, UNTIL his birthday, & NONE of his friends got him bday gifts, except...m ...just one. Just in that sense. I have truly good friends, who (believe it or not) care about the person I'm with, & if I do something wrong they tell me, they stand up for the person who I choose to be my second half. & I'm okay with that, actually, I'm great with that. Too bad someone who ''loved'' me doesn't care that his friends don't give a fuck about me...or him (which he's in denial of, at least one of them, to4no.)


I love Anna, & her ''special'' ways to bring up my mood.
I got a call @ like 1 am... ''Lena! Look @ Alex's facebook status!''
''Okay, and?''
''I think he's talking about you...''
''Anna, I hardly doubt Alex thinks I'm a pedophile..''
''What's a pedophile???''
...but that's a whole different story, btw, she's 21. =]

В колонках играет - ViStancia- ''K Zvezdam.''
Настроение сейчас - nu, mojet uje i poumnela lol.

Lots of new stuff to tell my readers, if I have any, hopefully someone's actually reading this. lol I should be thankful for Asya, & her persistence to drag me out of the house. success!!! I whine & complain, & act intolerably stubborn, but at the end of the day I know I'd rather be out with my friends having fun than sit home eating marshmallows- pretending I'm doing something important. Last time Yana & Asya joined forces & got me out, which was this Sat., I met the funniest kid. It was him & two of his other friends, one which was drunk, the second one just wanted to get the hell outta there already. on takoi ''nu davai uje viberi odnu i poshli'' I'm like ''yeah, bye Asya =)'' He's like alright I'm gonna go catch up with him, prohodit chas, on vse stoit. lol Voobshem, it all started with me, I don't know, guess its my talent to get into things, things that concern me, things that don't concern me, kakaya raznica, da? lol Asya, Yana, & I were taking pics, so he offered to take it for us. Yana being on her drill hunt of course got excited. I knew he looked familiar, I'm like Asya that's the kid from the soccer game, no doubt. Of course me being the one with my over the top- beyond the border crazy ideas, Yana & Asya already decided I should ask him if he knows my ex bf to start the convo. So I come up to him like a crazy person (that I am) I'm like ''do you know Nikita?'' He's like ''yeah. cool guy'', I'm like ''nice to meet you, I'm the ''cool guy's ex gf'' In the next five minutes kid manages to get his # from me, calls him up, asks where he is, & bam. He's like he's there, doing this, with them. I'm like thanks? I didn't ask, but that would really do. I don't know why he did it, what's in it for him, but I did appreciate it. Then we just went on talking about stupid stuff. On simpoti4niy, funny, outgoing, someone Asya & I would call the ''clown'' type, THOSE are the ones I usually fall for. Rarely quiet, never shy, usually conceited, & most of the time act like assholes. A on immeno takoe vpi4etlenie i proizvel, not that it matters, I'm not really attracted to him, & it's not my role to go out with my ex's friends. Don't do that shit most girl like to. Yana already in a screwed up relationship, now wants to try it with this kid, whose name is Vlad btw. I told her, thats not going from unhealthy to a good relationship. It's not moving anywhere close to up, eta nazivaetsa stoyat' na meste. I can tell in the hr that I spoke to him that he- if not a player, but definitely not a guy who'd make his gf happy. He's hilarious to be around with, but I'd stop there if I was her. Her choice tho.


Today, my morning ''breakfast'' consisted of: one orange, two peaches, & 3 marshmallows. Then my day was a lil, walk, jog, & run. All the way from Brighton Beach, Asya, Vitaliy, & I walked to Ceaser's Bay. Met up with my OTHER EX & walked to the Verrezzano, (& back.) lol I know all the answer, to many, many questions. I can assume right now, & be 99.9% right that Kostya's acting like a 15 yr old (no offense to 15 yr olds out there) kid that is angry @ the world. He was dumped, wasn't wanted back after a couple of failed attempt, & when he talked on aim & I got what I wanted to hear, that he agreed to talk to me, & be somewhat friends, I forgot about him the next day. I like the hunt, esli mne ne interesno I find something else more interesting & time consuming, & valuable. So basically us meeting up was full of good comebacks, not insults, jokes, & comebacks, I think all my friends will agree that I'm good when it comes to comebacks. I guess me talking to my other ex bf on the phone for half of the time got to him. I was talking to HIS best friend about how to get back with my ex, & I got good advice. Hey, honestly THAT would piss me off, but I wouldn't show it & act like I'm 5 again. He payed me more attention that I expected, ''Lena nobody asked you, Lena go see your ex, just go already, Asya convince her to go.'' He's standing on the rocks asking MY best friend to join him, claiming that he can't climb back up without her... I'm like okay, two, even three lol, can play this game. I'm like ''Asya, if I go will you?'' I don't care I've climbed worse than rocks before, 4to so mnoi budet?... Kostya's like: ''Oh no, I'm coming back, it's okay I can climb back up myself.'' or ''I just wanted Asya, not you.'' Near the water: Asya's telling me to look @ the view, I'm like ''I can't see'', I'm like ''Kostya, move out the way, will ya? Your big head is blocking my view.'' On tak razozlisya, he's like ''stfu, nobody asked you.'' THE best one was when we were coming back & he met up with Alik... (i Читать далее...

A friend asked me why keep a diary, if no one comments?

I don't keep a diary so some losers online have something to read, & to comment. I keep a diary so that I can bitch on the internet, instead of in person, @ someone. When things are hard to explain, when you don't need more drama in your life, when you don't intend to hurt ANYONE's feelings, & when you just plain old ''don't want to talk about it'', are the reasons why I have this stupid pg, with stupid things, that stupid you will never understand.

В колонках играет - blyat, 4 am, uje davno ni4ego ne igraet
Настроение сейчас - screwed,

I'm so caught up between myself, & the person whom I'm trying to act like. People wouldn't even notice how much I bottle everything up in myself, to make someone else happy. To save the arguments & the dramas...

yeah this WILL sounds stupid, but every bf says, at least once, to his gf, that he'll take her shopping to VS. See, happened to me too, but never actually got there. Now he's all into Ricky's, talk about tacky. A bright pink juicy sweatsuit could never compare. & I won't even go into other topics, like Tiffany's, or anything else for that matter. I want something pretty, something sexy, something.. expensive. There I said it, the word all you guys are so afraid of, well not all, just MY guys, for some reason.