http://lenall.livejournal.com/

I <3 my romashka & my bubble baths, & I'm fine.

So much shit to do tom. gotta meet up w. Asya & then shopping...

Can't wait till Fri. Imma sleep, sleep, SLEEP! Then watch KVN & sleep some more...
On Sat. I'll do my laundry & then convince my mom to buy me a new bed hehehe
On Sun. I think I'm gonna....get some more SLEEP.

This diary entry is really boring b.c. I'm sure nobody cares what ''fun'' things I'm planning to do over the weekend.

ughh I wanna feel better already! :(
I hate the cold, & I want it to be my birthday!

Guess I should go get some sleep gotta be up early tom.

About at least ten of them happened to me. With this weather you can't even go out of your fckng house. & I don't even know why my ass is still up at this late hr because I have to be up & ready to go by ten in the morning tomorrow. Not considering the time it will take to dry my hair, potomu4to sei4as ya eto ne v sostayanie delat'...

ugh I wish I would find a placebo for a broken heart. Preferably not the one I used in my past & nothing that would be considered a recipe for destroyment of self.


I'm in pain, physical pain. Emotional pain adds to it though. :]

Hopefully tomorrow ya ulomayu Igorya to go to TWO museums instead of 1, to finally finish my stupid report for A.H. What's fascinating is that I hate art, I hate history, but them combined is actually better than them separted.)))

Im sucha conniving little snake...& I'm enjoying EVERY minute of it.
so...who's next in line BITCHES? ;)

Dinner...

Oleg:vot dibil
Mama:net, Lena, eto nazivaetsa afftar vipei yadu i ubei sebya ap stenku.

!ROFL!

Oleg:ti 4to hodish na padonok.com?

*my mom & I start a discussion*

Mama:net ne hoju. prosto Lena vsyakuyu X**nyu delaet poetomu govoryu afftar vipei yadu!
Oleg:oi!Ira, tol'ko mojno ne zdes' i ne sei4as.

*every1 dies laughin*

*my mom & I leave the kitchen*
Oleg:vot tak to lu4she...

Mama:ti zneash ne ego meste ya bi davno bi pomenyala adress, telefon, mesto jitel'stvo 4tobi nikogda na svete ne nashla.
LMAO

...

Later on that same evening...

Mama:a 4to eto za den'gi na stole lejat?
Oleg:a eto Nikita otkup za Lenu prinosil...
ROFL.




Later on that night...


My mom & Oleg argue over where to hang the painting & how a toy duck ended up in our house...

Me:people why are you so weird?
Mom:s toboi sorevnuemsya =)






I get my comebacks from my mama =)

my obsessing is the hobby I need to QUIT.


all I need for in a bf is for him to be a sweet talker, a bit creative, & a pinch of romantic... & a tad of very go0d poetry. yeah, yeah I think that'll make it.



I bet if Asya was here she'd say ''bang your head against the wall.'' Which is what I'm about to do. As soon as I'm done typing this. But yeah, that blog made my CRY for a go0d 15 minutes... I've never read anything so brutally honest, down to earth, from the heart, touching, so sad but sweet GOOD.



See, this is me. I'm gullible & I love depending on what I hear. ex: if a person tells me he loves me & I might not believe him but I won't care, just for the fact that HE SAID IT. I can be with someone who does nothing for me, but, if he can TALK, I mean really creative love poetry writing songs talking I'll be with him, & I hate that about myself, words blind my sense of reality.


In conclusion,Imma wrap this up!

Настроение сейчас - fckd

I think I've found the answer to everyone's ''why does Lena date clowns?'' question...


I JUST realized that even though outgoing-''center of attention'' people may be be a bit fake, they're definitely more stable, more opinionated, yet, their ''open mindedness'' or w.e. you wish to call it makes them easy going & friendly.


Though, it may not seem this way, but I am never too quick to judge. I just really hate people that aren't able to say something face to face, yet once they go online they start acting out. I wonder if those rejects realize that by doing that, they're just making THEMSELVES look stupid & sad...

Настроение сейчас - confused!!!

Wish everything wasn't so confusing, perhaps I am overcomplicating things. I'm not jealous of her, or anyone... I just keep thinking that if we both interest him, then what makes him be with me & not her? We both might have similar qualities that he looks for, with the only difference that I am ready to be with him & she's not. & sadly, this might be why he chose me over her, not because of anything else. I mean, I'm sure a lot more factors contribute to ''us being together'', but if that one is one of them I'm not the type to follow through with it. & I'm honestly not allright with it, because there's no difference between using a person, & being with them simply because they agree to be with you. I really don't give a fck who he speaks to, as long as I know that there's a reason why he's with me & not someone else...as long as I know I matter a little more to him than any other, you'd think I'm not asking for much, then why aren't we working out?


I guess as us being ''friends'' I don't notice it anymore. Because he doesn't really get anything from me & by that he shows me that he truly cares, & I want to go back but going back means not being afraid...anymore. & I know he won't cheat or anything like that, but having feelings for two people at a time is considered more than cheating, in my understanding...


''If I have to stop being a jealous bitch, & stop driving him crazy in order to be with him. Then that is what I'll do.''





I don't mind them talking, I mind him having feelings for her while he is with me, he can love her all he wants but then he's going to have to stay away from me. I'm not a fckng doll, so I won't even try pretending to be one.



I guess this way I just don't feel used so it's easier for me & I'm not always a nervous wreck. It's all very psychological, & just the fact that he might like her more only for the fact that she rejected him & I didn't & I guess in his eyes that makes her look more w.e., more ''hard to get'', more desirable. & the problem isn't me being heartbroken, I'm not gonna ''not survive'' w.o. him, the problem is me ''replacing someone.'' I'd rather be alone than be a fake replacement for something that could've been real. With time I just got really used to the fact that if people aren't working out together, that doesn't necessarily mean that one of them is ''bad'' or not ''good enough'' it just means that they are looking for someone different. Plenty of examples of that from my personal life, Dima who's all ''drugs, sex & rock & roll'' OBVIOUSLY wasn't for me & my Dima Bilan ringtones, so he found a girl that actually LIVES his lifestyle, she's not better than me, she's not really more attractive than me, were just different. Same here like what are you gonna do kill yourself over it? Theres 3 more million guys in this world so what are the chances of you falling in love 53 more times?


Then again all of this could just be my imagination, but facts are facts, & people always want something they can't have, & guys always respect girls who can say ''no'' to them. What are you gonna do bout that? nothin. live with it or not, my choice, what I decide...I don't know.

[445x247]

Wish everything wasn't so confusing, perhaps I am overcomplicating things. I'm not jealous of her, or anyone... I just keep thinking that if we both interest him, then what makes him be with me & not her? We both might have similar qualities that he looks for, with the only difference that I am ready to be with him & she's not. & sadly, this might be why he chose me over her, not because of anything else. I mean, I'm sure a lot more factors contribute to ''us being together'', but if that one is one of them I'm not the type to follow through with it. & I'm honestly not allright with it, because there's no difference between using a person, & being with them simply because they agree to be with you. I really don't give a fck who he speaks to, as long as I know that there's a reason why he's with me & not someone else...as long as I know I matter a little more to him than any other, you'd think I'm not asking for much, then why aren't we working out?

A couple of days ago, actually like Monday, I had a very...interesting encounter. For some strange reason it kinda made my day. So whatever, I wake up, as usual I know I'll be late... I get to the ts & there's this guy & he looks SO FAMILIAR- it's not even funny. Yet, at the same time he's the opposite of what I remember him to be. & then it hits me, it's one of the guys from the NY team of KVN. Point of this was, that it made me realize how different & random & unique people can be. I mean I KNEW that this guy probably has a life of his own outside of what he does but I just didn't know what it was... & it made me understand that people should be like that, they should be DIFFERENT depending on the situation, they should act, dress, behave differently. I mean, here is this ''funny'' guy ''playing'' guitar, & doing comedies on stage & the next morning he gets up puts on his black suit/black tie, takes his briefcase & he's ready to do business, how bizarre is that? (in a go0d sense) & his long hair wasn't messy as I remember it, it was gelled & put back into a ponytail. Later on I realized he's probably over 20, since his cell wallpaper was a picture of an adorable baby... But despite everything, his ''Saturday concert smile'' was gone, & his face showed a mixture of seriousness & concentration...


THURSDAY: Randomly met Irina at the ts in the morning, talked about colleges... she's in Hunter now & seems as though she doesn't regret it for now. Lunch w. Tanya was the shit, reading SEVENfckngTEEN magazine. So the question remains unanswered, why WOULD anyone do an ad for acne medication, & FOR FREE? I mean, WE don't care if you embarrass yourself, but seems like you don't either.
Damn, I'm shocked this year I actually LIKE my math class, the teacher isn't boring (which is unusual) & the work is easy, mad easy. Gov. is a nightmare, & I want to so0n wake up from it with an 85% in my hands. =) Graphics...not bad- but stressful.
P.S. Micky D's w. Kristy, Jesse, & ppl after school, was a bad choice. Then pizza with mom, an even worse choice. junkfo0d combined w. junkfo0d= A HORRIBLE CHOICE.

Настроение сейчас - anger, surprisingly...

She feels what I feel, or I feel what she feels, whats the difference? Why does this always happen? I mean, it's really easy for me to tell, since I know how I felt when I wrote something, & I'm not so bad in analyzing someone else's words, either. We weren't ''unhappy'' we were just in need of a dramatic change, just not sure what we wanted that change to be. ''we''...hmm...wow. & we don't miss them, we missed the little nuisances, the little things to be done for us, the ''idea'' of a person, & of course the memories. Of course, I'm sure there's more than two girls in this world that feel like this, but this is just weird. Got me really pissed for some reason, too. lol.

В колонках играет - ''I Don't Give A Damn.''- Avril Lavigne.
Настроение сейчас - careless . . .

will I stop listening to Avril Lavigne & dancing & singing that their walls are shaking? no. =)

but despite that, thank God.


I guess she was right, we needed time to understand each other & what we wanted. What makes it so much easier is that by now we're so used to each other's good & especially bad sides. & unfortunately you can only know it's love after you've compared & contrasted, that's the way life works. She told me if it's yours it'll come to you, if not then it's not. & no matter how much patience it took, & under what circumstances good or bad, it still came to me. Sometimes you need for something bad to happen in order for something good to occur as a result, God works in mysterious ways.