[207x365]
im torturing myself... listening to Jessica Simpson all day...

"...When you told me you loved me
Did you know it would take me the rest of my life
To get over the feeling of knowing a dream
Didn’t turn out right
When you let me believe
That you weren't complete without me by your side
How could I know?
That you would go, that you would run
Baby I thought you were the one...

Your lips, your face, something that time just can't erase
My heart could break all over again..."

yeah, i know... should delete it, destroy it, throw it out
and burn it to ashes...

[300x300]
3 weeks since we broke up łłł
for a week i have no idea what's going on in his life ł
in a few hours im gonna go out and pretend to feel good
how pathetic...

"...You and me
i can see us dying...are we?..."

it's raining again... i like it... was standing outside for an hour... and as the rain drops mixed up with tears i hoped that the rain would wash off all the pain and memories... but nothing changed... i can still see his smile... hear his voice and all the things he said... i don't believe it anymore... ,,,Pretty Lies,,,
nothing more.
if i can't love him, i don't want to love anybody at all...

>

Love can be as light as the kiss of a butterfly or as deep as the cut of a razor...

i've been out for the last few nights, drinking, having "fun"... but there wasn't a minute when i didn't think about him... why can't i just accept it and forget? it seems impossible at the moment... my life is a mess.

i am a pathetic loser... talked to him for the last time ever... we're not gonna be friends anymore... i can't do it... that was it, end of story.

[285x190]
[285x190]
wish i would never wake up...
cuz mornings bring reality
and reality brings pAiN,,,

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,kill my memory.. wipe away my tears ----}
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, make me smile again...-----}
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, can you do that? ,,,,,,,,,,,-----}

Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim miss*you Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim *why Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim *did Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim *you Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim *leave Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim *me? Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim *i love you*

[278x273]
... since we broke up i cant sleep, but when i do, i have nightmares... for 10 nights now.. all about him... but i still want those dreams because i can feel him...
i see him in the day world too... but his not my Tim... he's somebody else... cold and ignorant... and i am invisible for him... we are strangers now. but in my dreams he shows emotions, he still loves me... and that's the only thing that matters... i dont even mind waking up in tears...

it's weird to fake happiness in front of him... pretending that im ok... almost every day i go to help him out with his Hostel, spend all evening there, imitating good mood... cuz that's what he wants to see... that's what all of them want to see... but i think somewhere deep inside Tim suspects that i am not ok... he just doesn't know how bad it is... im dying inside.
[699x459]

last night was bad, but today i feel even worse...as if i just realised that he's gone and won't come back... it hurts so much... i wish i could forget him, like he never existed... erase every memory, every moment we had... throw it out of my mind... i dont want to love ever again... dont want to feel anything.

why everyone thinks that im ok??? im not ok at all... just tried to kill myself... swallowed a few dozen psycho pills i have, took a razor blade and went to the bridge with a bottle of wine... you know just in case... well... nothing happened... im alive... wish i wasnt... but i am.
anyway, the morals out of it?
1. alcohol and psychotic pills dont work together...
2. never go to a bridge where the police might show up and ruin your plans...

*also while i was drinking and cutting, i realised that nobody loves me here, but even worse, nobody needs me! if i would've died none of my friends in this country would've noticed... life sux...

ps: fuck you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

недавно он мне купил мультик... типа прощальный подарок наверно... ну посмотрела я этот мультик, понравился, отправила ему смс, типа спасибо и всё такое... надеилась что ответит... позвонит... а нет, телефон молчит... ему хорошо, он гуляет с друзьями... а я сижу дома и умираю от боли...вот.
пошла допивать бутылку вина... хоть поплакать смогу от души...

virgin skin has been torn... another part of my body is marked by the blade...

we talked last night... it was emotional but pointless... he doesn't want to come back... just wants friendship... but how can i be his friend if im in love with him??? after all we had? cant pretend that it never happened... i want to be with him... why cant we work it out somehow? there should be a way... he said he loves me... i dont understand.

...Ты не знаешь как сходят с ума,
Как вода разольется точь-в-точь.
Самый звонкий крик тишина,
Самый яркий свет ночь..

ну почему он не звонит??????

[показать]
я удивительно спокойная ... волнуюсь немного, но не схожу с ума... потому что я ему доверяю... и надеюсь, что он не разочарует меня снова...

[показать]
once the trust is broken,
life turns into hell...
i really want to trust you
but i can't... i'm sorry.