To the citizens of the United States of America, in light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II resumes monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.8% of you who have, until now, been unaware there's a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America. Congress and the Senate are disbanded. A questionnaire circulated next year will determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid your transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. Look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Check "aluminium" in the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you pronounce it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'. Likewise you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary."

Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed." There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you should not have chat shows.

2. There is no such thing as "U.S. English." We'll let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u'.

3. You should learn to distinguish English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). Scottish dramas such as 'Taggart' will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.You must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.

5. You should stop playing American "football." There's only one kind of football. What you call American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.1% of you aware there is a world outside your borders may have noticed no one else plays "American" football. You should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.

Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).

You should stop playing baseball. It's not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team stripe, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

6. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns, or anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because you are not sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you need a permit to carry a vegetable peeler.

7. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

8. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left. At the same time, you will go metric without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. Learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't French, they're Belgian though 97.8% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

10. The cold tasteless stuff you call beer is actually lager. Only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer." Substances once known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," except for the product of the American Budweiser company which will be called "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

11. The UK will harmonise petrol prices (or "Gasoline," Читать далее...

Russian MPs worried by Simpsons

Russian MPs have given a final warning to TV stations to cut back
on violent shows like the Simpsons if they want to avoid censorship.

State Duma deputies overwhelmingly voted for a motion warning
television channels to cut down on the amount of violence they show.

First Deputy Speaker Lyubov Sliska said it was a "yellow card" for
the channels.

The resolution, initiated by Sliska and fellow United Russia member
Farid Gainullin, was approved by a 417-1 landslide.

It called on television companies to more strictly adhere to a voluntary
code of conduct signed in June by the chief executives of six leading
national channels to avoid promoting a "cult of violence and cruelty".

The move came after the Simpsons was given a hard core adults-only
rating and blamed for corrupting Russian schoolchildren and degrading
family values.

MP Yelena Afanasyeva said: "The experts gave just the result we feared.
They found the Simpsons were crammed with violent and aggressive
episodes. These cartoons also introduce antagonism between children
and parents."

...
[566x755]

http://www.filmstripinternational.com/index.php?asshole

религия - зло

hot!!!
[700x525]

An angel runs
Thru the sudden light
Thru the room
A ghost precedes us
A shadow follows us
And each time we stop
We fall
[300x420]

тошнит от профессионального непрофессионализма...
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......................................фонтан..............................
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"ЕСЛИ У ТЕБЯ ЕСТЬ ФОНТАН, ЗАТКНИ ЕГО!!!"

мой любимый персонаж - Марвин...

фильм...
это четвертая версия (или третья)....
мне понравился очень...
как и все остальные : радио шоу, тв шоу, книга...
особенно интересно мне было читать сценарий радио шоу.

очень талантливый был автор....
[280x210]

Wrong
You're wrong everytime -- 2x

What makes you think you've got a god-given right
For killing people in a needless fight
You're like a rapist with a target in sight
Democracy

Whoever told you that you were bright
The skull and bones the conservative right
You're like a plague turning day into night
Atrocity

Chorus

What makes you think that you could start this mess
Then crawl away to a world you detest
You're fuckin' evil, but you couldn't care less
Conspiracy

What makes you think that we could ever believe
A major liar with a minor in greed
You make a profit of the people in need
Hypocrisy

Chorus

Your time is coming and it won't be long
The bill of rights is now the bill of wrong
Already proven that you don't belong
In history

Your time is over - You'll be out on the street
What do you say to the people you meet
I saved the world because I didn't repeat
My policy

MINISTRY

Не сложно догадаться о ком песня...

"it's you that I adore
you'll always be my whore
you'll be the mother to my child
and a child to my heart
we must never be apart ..."
SP Ava Adore


"...Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight..."
AM Uninvited.

"Til my body is dust
Til my soul is no more
I will love you - love you
Til the sun starts to cry
And the moon turns to rust
I will love you - love you ..."
Fisher

...
[700x525]

вернулась с моря, ветра, парусов...
сегодня в горы
[300x397]

4 недели свободы

очки от солнца должны быть от солнца, а не от Диора с Шанелью.
Хотя....
смотря какие цели...

лучше всего бежится под
Placebo "Bitter End", "come home",
KMFDM "search and destroy"
Pink "Humble neighborhoods"

уже не мечта

aaahhh...11 kg ....
[показать]