erm.... long story....

my deearest ex came over on wednesday and desided to go schizo, so i had to call out the crisis response team and make him stay at mine all night, then take him to farnham rd after that.....

people, help me.... can i dress up as a fairy for fetish night this friday, or would that be extremely silly? still need to get a tiara and a wand, but apart from that my fairy outfit is done. may need a bit of needlework as it is a bit on the small side. hmmm

ive decided-i will marry chris and live happily ever after and die on same day. if we break up, ill have to make sure he dies a nice quick painful death fairly soon as my ex's tend to turn into maniacal stalkers with suicidal tendencies. what is it about me? is it something i said? now, the current one still wont leave me alone...... i....just....dont....know....what...to....do....any....more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:bran:

now, work. well what can i say. work is good. but noone likes me there, and they look at me funny. i dread to think what theyre gonna write in my report..... uh huh oh well, all i can say is::fuck: by the way-annies useless fact of the day-hannibal lecter had 6 fingers on one hand. so two middle fingers. i envy him for that at times. like mr Manson once said " i wasnt born with enough middle fingers" well, lecter was. then again, he was an insane cannibalistic psychiatrist...

right.... im off to do work.... booooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiinnngggggg

right then.....

the moaning commences.....

first, chris wont leave me alone, keeps calling me at all times, gets annoyed that ive *slept with his best friend* and stuff, threatens to kill himself-generally nothing pleasant.... ward sister is at me for being ill all the time, so ill have to do lots of overtime. got pissed off today and did lots of work. but still not enough. just no motivation, no energy, no nothing. blagh.

thats it. i do apalogise for being all miserable, but thats my life at the moment. i might wake up tomorrow and decide im happy, but then im likely to remember that its 7am and i have to go to work, and i wont finish till 9pm, and likely to go all miserable again....

aargh. i hate my life.

hello again,

i just managed to get myself to the library after an 8 hour morning shift at the hospital... just trying to remember what im meant to be doing in here, quite sure it isnt spamming people... or is it??

well, i was ill last week, so missed lots exciting stuff at the hospital.... what wouldnt you give to spend time with the discharge coordinator?? mm? or a patient liaison and advocacy service officer? yummy......

upsetting event of the year-tickets for manson sold out AGAIN!!!!!! NOOOOOO!!! must see manson!! *cries*

just as i thought things with ex were getting a bit quieter...... hes been to the doctors who referred him to psychiatric hospital for review!!!! anddd he wants me to go with him, so i had to get a day off work... all because of me! nooooooo (nats dont tell mother)
oh, and i told him im seeing chris. he was "very happy for me" as chris can "look after me a lot better than he ever could" and "how could he, hes my friend", and how could i "so early, youre just on the rebound"... but at least "its not gary" so yeah..... ummm.... happy

made an appointment with the tissue viability nurse who agreed to see me about my dissertation. woohoo!!

got another docs appointment on thursday... have a feeling shell increase my medication again, I JUST DONT WANNA BE HAPPY!! aargh

hmm what else.... no-wave didnt get halloween friday (we had to choose between that and fewtish night) we always always always had halloween night since the beginning of time!!! *cries* but we're gonna have a little partee with my housemates who are oh so enthusiastic about it. lorena has been to raid my wardrobe-im worried-most of my clothes can be worn as a part of a halloween outfit.. oops speaking of clothes-ive been naughty and bought myself a PROPER corset.... its sooooo lovely, if a bit.. strangling and restricting. even chris (ex) said i looked nice (!!)

hello and welcome to demon buttercups crazy place!!

hair update-its black and very very sexy. but will i stop on this? im still pretty bored with my hair, and siobhan agreed to dye bits of it blue or purple. mad? hell yeah

community spirit update-got together with some of my housemates, had a little bit to drink, i got some chocolate out, and then we watched queen of the damned..... how much better can it get??? look like i might have girlie friends...

tiara update-lorena, one of my housemates, promised to bring me one-shes got it at home. yay!!



placement update-too many earrly mornings, and divine hospital food (dutch apple pie.... mmmmmmmm) i have two mentors who are off their trolleys. oh and so are the doctors. they had a discussion about my age yesterday. and they have a medical student who they call *student* went out and sorted out a visit to the most boring place in the whole hospital... seemed like a good idea at the time.



dissertation update-needtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodoworkneedtodowork

medication update- still bouncing off the walls. get enthusiastic about things such as dissertation and washing up... cant imagine thats too healthy

work update-get very enthusiastic about it. then get on the pc and end up playing solitaire. have done a little bit though, oh and got good results in the last module. decided to finally get some action on woman who failed me in my first year, chasing the welfare officer at the mo. where does all this energy come from??

dissertation update. the topic of my dissertation just fell on top of me in the middle of a lecture. i was left grinning like a looney for hours afterwards.

hair update-still silly brown colour. WILL be going black once i found someone i trust enough to do it for me. id do it myself but i definitely dont trust ME...

tiara update-still dont have a tiara....

internet update-ntl said "if you cant connect to the internet please email us" DOH!!!!:durak:

community spirit update- was dragged into a meeting of the russian society. havent had to endure anything like that for a while.... i feel im behind with my russian, i could only understand the swearwords, and even then not all of them. scary scary scary people!!!!!!



vendetta update-we had a visit from a police officer, which was interesting (especially when he started showing his weapons). then he asked whether we had questions. i did. "what should i do next time i get harassed by park barn pikeys for looking like a "GOTH"? in response to that, he asked me what they look like, and told me what their names are. and i got his email address!!! so beware pikeys, im coming for ya!!!!!

thats it i thinks. off to another lecture *sigh*

been to the doctors-shes doubled my medication, so i should be happy soon! good

also made me go to councelling again. dont like that. but if that makes her feel better.

and my hair is going black on tuesday!! just feel like black

still dont have a tiara

.....is law so boring?
.....do i have to do work?
.....do people think im weird?
.....cant i stay in bed till lunchtime?
.....wont anyone feed me?




oh and a pretty piccie of moi :)
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im sitting here wearing a fairie outfit....... and knee high boots..... and soo glad chris cant find his camera. i kinda like it tho..... suits me.... magik wands are soo last month tho.

note-must get a tiara

well hello there,

ive had a very busy day yesterday (and that doesnt mean i did anything productive!) went to fresheers fair, just to meet my ex there, who pulled me aside and told me how much hes sorry for last friday, how much he wants me back, how much he loves me and how hes gonna leave uni cuz theres notihng more in it for him. well ive decided, im not gonna get myself upset over him anymore, its my life and im going to have fun. not going so well yet, but i thikn im getting there.

chris found out he got the job at eidos, so he was happy as a dog with 2 d**ks (using my newly learned english here). im happy for him too, he was worried him and al will get evicted from the house, but it all should be ok now. smartass. hes gonna be getting more than me with a degree when i qualify. so we went out for a dinner at wetherspoons and cinema to celebrate. was cool

now, uni..... starting to slowly make sense, but i need to get some motivation from somewhere, and soon, or else....still, this module is the most pointless one ever, with the most confusing assignment ever, and the most annoying module organiser after chris willot. i dont like this woman... and now, a law lecture that is no doubt going to bore the living snot out of me....

then, a no-wave meeting tonight, i want to sort myself out a dj slpt, chris is desperatwe for me to play stuff. and he knows its going to kill him in the end. damn i feel like a bloody celebrity.

im off to eat my peaches now,

bye bye

omg im such a fuck up......

fuck it all
fuck this world
fuck everything that you stand for
dont belong
dont exist
dont give a shit
dont ever judge me

right..... *remembers name and own address* ok.... considering i havent had a single drink last night, this is BAAAAD..... im still all moshed out.... my ears are ringing and ive lost most of my voice...was a good night, if a bit weird, but Havok nights always are. got accosted by two random pissed german girls who seemed to think im the best thing since sliced bread, who hanged around with us all night. Needs got rejected by his date and spent half the night drowning his sorrows and the other half being very ill as a result of drowning sorrows. its so weird, going out and knowing most of the people in the club.

jenna was wearing very little, which has scared chris immensely, hes scared of her even when shes fully covered up. she confuses me that girl, really does. when she was going out with ian, she was into Indie, belly dancing and physics textbooks. now, shes going out with morgan, and shes a *goth*. as a consequence, she wears very little (mostly a copy of what i, or kat, or shiobhan wear, but less), advertises the fact that shes on antidepressants, and yet drinks like a fish and smokes pot (two big no-nos with antidepressants).... again, wtf?

tom decided that hes bored and needs company, so we're gonna go see him in a bit. which is not good, since i have work to do for tomorrow-have a moving and handling assessment. but tom has the tools to my pc (which was made chris-proof, so noone can get into it), so theres a possibility i might be online soon WOOHOO!!

omg im so bored......

is anyone at all apart from the mini m00 reading this? ello? im making an effort here.

ooh, here it is. im gonna have one of those soon!! ive asked a friend of mine for an self-defence idea as im starting a placement in the arse end on nowhere soon, so he suggested a fire thrower... yes i know i have psychotic friends. could be fun tho, even if a bit illegal.

going out again tonight. Big rock night in town. hope noone asks me to borrow my undies this time its not just my friends that are weird. need to get someone to help me get dressed tonight, i cant manage my corset on my own!!! mini m00, i miss you!!!!

ok. enough rambling.

this is AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!

im doing аbsоlutely bugger all, even though im supposed to be doing lots and lots of work!!!!!!!!!! cant even get out of bed before 2pm!!! AAAARGH!!!

<------ THIS IS ME SHOUTING AT MYSELF

if you dont count work, lifes good, lots of nice food being fed to me at will :) (nice bf is the secret), and what else does one need?......

btw.....anyone reading this MUST listen to I stand alove by Godsmack. end. i know where u live.

went out on frday with my bloke.... only to find my ex there(DODGY SITUATION ALERT!!!!!!!!!), who apparently "didnt expect me to be there", so he left early. o....k. he was there with a girl who called me a "beautiful creature" and complimented me to death(dodgy sitaution alert 2!!!!!!!), then left with my ex and as i understand stayed at his place..... im just confused now. oh i dunno...... the end

hello diary,

im back to earth now (and the uk), so can finally get some sleep and lay off the food....

i dont know what to do with my ex..... its been over half a year now, but he still wants me back.... how weird... why? dont know. but he just wont leave me alone, and i feel guilty and responsible, and really, really bad..... but theres nothing i can do is there? it all just went wrong, noones fault, shit happends. but theres no way back, and he just wont take no for an answer. besides, why would i want him back now that i found the ideal male? (not that my ex knows about it)..... i just have a talent for getting myself into trouble dont i?

uni next week.... ewwww..... dissertation.... not too sure what that means, but know that it involves me and effort, and thats bad enough...

k, enough of my ramblings for today.... chiao!

hello diary and nosey peoples reading it,

ive decided im tired of travelling and want home, i want my bed and my nice secret cupboard with lots of choccies, and my loud music that is so good for annoying loud neighbours. im sitting online like a lemon again, noone useful is online, so all i can do is spam the innocents and listen to loud music on launch.
that is, when they arent playing silly 60's stuff at me just because *metallica fans recommend this song* who fcuking cares?grrrrrrrrrrrrr

in my infinite wisdom, i have managed to hit my little toe on something hard last night, and now im limping about like a lemon.... it really really huuurts!!!!!!!

well, off in two days time, then a day to spend in a smelly estonian bus full off, well, estonians.... i should claim a human record for sleeping in small spaces. then a day of tracking across germany with a heavy suitcase which has my life in it. and then, i guess, sleep. lots and lots and lots of it........

omg im such a spammer.... oh well, im bored, overfed and undersexed.... can u really blame me?.........

hello diary,

sorry ive been away, but im on holiday and far too busy seeing places, meeting relatives and being forcefully stuffed full of nice food. oh and buying cards and presents for those not on holiday, so they dont get pissed off with me on arrival and bite my head off or something. having your head off is kind of detrimental to your health i think. or in any case not very pleasant.

im in a net cafe now, and its full of techno and teenagers playing counter strike, sad bastids that they are. no change from britain there. cant get hold of anyone interesting to talk to.

but all in all, life is goooood. would have been better if my grandad didnt have interesting and revolutionary ideas about human anatomy that are radically different from everyone else's, as i keep trying to convince him otherwise, but hes having none of it.

anyways, im gonna go have another dinner :P

here we go, another year.... oh well, they cant wait some more till i become mature and responsible....

i miss my baby so much.....finally i found a bloke who is lovely and all that, and ill be away for two weeks now.... sorry about the mushiness, but he really really really niiiice and i love him this much |-----------------------------------------------------------|


aaanyways....... a year older and going off travelling like an ADULT in.... 2 days!

night night!