omg ive never been so bored in my life......

spending days watching boring telly, being shouted at by my sister, trying to get out of my mothers embarassing questions (mostly about my sex life), being slept on by the cat, sleeping and eating. oh and dont forget about the housework...... ARGH. *eats horse in despair*

then again..... just had lots of phonecalls/text messages/msn messages, and will be meeting people...which is good. so, im meeting adam for dinner and ian for lunch at the same time tomorrow. which means im getting coffe AND lunch. what a fat arse.

on tuesday, being picked up by steve to go and meet his housemates (one of who is a cuban drug lord apparently) and who wont bite me. Unless i ask nicely that is ..... hmmmm And then we're gonna go to the eastbourne's famous swiss gab bar turned rcok club.... we'll see...

and then after that, its new years eve, so getting stuffed with food, (no drinking for me this year-sob) opening presents, phoning grandparents then going to bed.... gonna be good :) dont know why, its not that exciting, but its always a cool time... that is, if noone starts having a row. must remember not to talk about mdicine or babies.....

anyways, im off to endure more boredom.... au revoir!

i have been officially desmelled.... as well as dehaired, exfoliated, conditioned and moisturised. in other words, ive had a bath.... sooooooooo nice.... although ive lost the smaell now and people may not recognise me....arse-------->

all in all, not a bad day. mother forgot to do any food shopping, which is a bit of a problem since its christmas time and EVERYTHING is shut. once again, arse ---------->

and they make me do housework, when i dont want to do it, or not the way i do it at mine, which is arse...i think you got me by now....

wanna watch the Crow, but my sister is scared of it. chilly perrers singing about medication.... hopefully will get out of the house tomorrow meet some people.... otherwise ill start howling.

right, its christmas eve, im sat here talking to those who are sad enough to spend this special family time with their pc's.... my family seem to have had enough of me and left me alone....

its lucky my christmas is not untill the 7th, phew. unfortunately its not recognised as a bank holiday. discrimination i tell you!:umn:

now.... run outta things to write. went out to see lord of the rings last night, was good. been to alvins for christmas dinner, which was nice, and one portion was enough for 3 of me, and then a certain type called james, the one with sexy eyes hade me snort vodka. great fun.

im away from my baby for over a week again, which is sad

outta things to say now. bye

update on my mental state-mental. pissed off. have to see my tutor tomorrow, she sent me a catty email saying she *insists* on seeing me, where was i last thursday (seeing a psychiatrist) and she thinnks im avoiding her (WTF? i know im immature, but not THAT immature) so, tomorrow will be a fun day. however, i got a sick note(and a bucketful of pills) from the doc this morning, so maybe that will help. however, knowing caroline, only a deeath certificate will help, and even that only just. really really really not looking forward to that.

spending the day with Marie, the diabetic nurse specialist today. shes lovely, but its very very boring. *blood sugars ok?-yes-great well done go home* yawn....

speaking of bucketful of pills-i will soon be able to supply a small pharmacy. or maybe become a drug dealer.... hee hee

was really down last night, so just sat there being well, down. gary called and we talked for about 2 hours, which was cool. hes funny. i even got him to got 5 minutes without saying anything dirty minded.. (!!) hes a good mate, even if he does fancy the pants of me....oh well, i cant help being so popular....

no-wave on friday.... YAY!! i got some glow in the dark earrings for the event!

anyway, im off to endure some more boredom with Marie.....

right, i have good news and bad news..... (this is how all bad stories start, i know...)

good news-i have seen IRON MAIDEN live!!!!

this is all i can say really..... i cant believe it, still, it was аbsоlutely amazing... the bad news is that this week Metallica and Manson were also playing, but i cant afford it!:bigcry: but, i cant be greedy.... got 60 odd years to go, enough time to see everyone

also, as 15,000 Iron Maiden fans tried to get on one train, we missed the last train to guildford, so had to wait for an hour in a smelly burger king at waterloo station that played the most annoying music ever, that kept skipping as if the baddness of it alone wast enough. but we survived, and got on the last train to woking. the train was jam-packed with people, even though it was after 1 am. got to woking, and got a taxi from there. were lucky to find a couple of blokes who were also going to guildford, so it didnt cost a lot at all. all in all, a good trip, but we were bloody knackered afterwards.....


now, sunday, when i swore id go to the library and camp there until ive read all available government policies, i woke up with a killer headache that decided to stay until monday morning. for those who think migranes are "just a headache": imagine a busload of fully armed cave trolls with bad attitude having a rave in your head.... on a slightly more worrying side, i couldnt even stand up straight, or do ANYTHING, and had a bit of a weakness down one side.... hmmmm
today. i was surprised to wake up alive. the cave trolls seem to have left, but im so so so tired...... and yet the government policies are waiting.... didnt actually go to sleep till about 6am....

if youre still reading this, you must be mad.... or bored.... or both....

yeah.... *cries* Just been to a psychiastrist, lovely little indian lady who increased my medication.... oh well, we'll see. apparently, i do have "depressive illness". there' howz that for a diagnosis..... that alone is enough to make you bloody depressed. but now i know im going to get better. one way or another. one thing ive learned is that im on my own, theres no point in expecting help and support from anyone. if i have to do it, i have to do it myself, and all the "concerned" people arent going to do shit. im on my own....

another day over..... more babies still... i think im getting all broody again. luckily enough for the world society, my man slaps me every time i start going on about having babies, and reminds me about nappies, sleepless nights, vomiting all over the place, potty training, the horrible things-BREAST PUMPS(shudders), and the fact that cute babies eventually turn into teenagers...... so the world will be a safe place for a bit longer.

barbara, my mentor, is "concerned about me", so shes feeding me choccie cake thats what im talking about!

what else..... oh yeah docs appointment tomorrow, and possibly seeing my tutor who is going to rip my legs off and eat them for lunch with some lettuce.... but-MAIDEN on friday!!!:supercool . the problem is, i will have to go to the concert straight after work, so i have to dress sensibly enough so i can go to work and be baby-friendly, and wear my sunday best baby scaring clothes so i look a part afterwards...... thats a bit of a difficult one....

ooh, i found one of my lost floppies (the more important one). so life is not as grim as it was last night.

someone stole all of my work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grrrrrrrrrr


my tutor wants to see me for a "chat" i sense a big shit storm coming my way....

fed up with getting uses and trains every day.




but IM GOING TO SEE MAIDEN ON FRIDAY, SO

TO YA ALL NASTY PEOPLE (i mean nasty nurse tutors and bus drivers, not you peoples.... i looove you!)

bored
tired
overworked
sore all over
pissed off
hungry
thirsty
cold
panicking
going to see a psychiatrist

apart from that..... life's great.....yeah.....totally


music-Marilyn Manson-Coma white
Seether-Fine again

really nothing to write about...

im having a GREAT WEEKEND. no work, went swimming yesterday, then to a pub with my scags. assignment to do.
really really really need to get it done, or im off the course. but its soo crap!!! aaargh.

chris is out of the hospital and back to annoying me. dont know why they let him out, hes no better then when he went in. hes going to try it again, im sure of it.

my own psyche appointment is coming up. hmmmm. not sure i need it, but the doc thinks i do. fairy nuff.
im not that mad....

"Далекая галактика: будущее."

Ты не живешь на Земле. Тебя влекут звездные дали и зеленые человечки. Смотри не улети!


Пройти тест "Какому миру ты принадлежишь?"

you took the angel away
i killed myself to make
everybody pay
(MM)


as might have guessed, im in a weird mood again. failed to wake up this morning to go my nursery placement. and got a message that my visit for tomorrow is not going to happen either. so dont quite know what to do. tried to arrange another visit, which fell through. balls. why does life have to go to dogs from time to time?

still trying to do work. trying hard. buts just not gonna happen, is it? frelling studying....

i need a haircut...

too much information from all angles. too much to do at work. too much to do home. too much spam. i hate being adult.

i had a very smart idea-im going to write a plan for my assignment which is still in embryo stage. and then maybe another plan. for a plan. this is hopeless...

need an extra brain, a stiff drink and some loud music. and a holiday. and lots of munny. and maybe another one of those brownie cakes (theyre a bit like girl guide cookies. made with real brownies). also need to stop being bitchy towards people. well, just the nice people.

need a life.........
hellooooo life? where are you life? heeere lifey......

-they look like they are 500 years old. at least. all of them. is it in the job description? *vacancy-main library, must be reliable, honest, undead zombie. universtity degree preferable*

-they dont let you listen to music in the library

-they charge me munny every time i forget to bring the book back

-they squeel at me every time i lose book

-they look like they would like to taste your spleen

-i have too much contact with them

-they know too much-scares me

slow ancient computers that never do things they are supposed to do
librarians
slim women on diets
public transport
over-tidy housemates
untidy housemates
mini-moshers
drunken pikeys
childerns nurses
surrey prices
ex-boyfriends
early mornings
people who play annoying music early on a saturday morning
rugby, football and darts on tv
spam
bingo
hollywood
marmite
not being able to listen to music in the library
nurse tutors
boring articles
posh shops
clubbing
jenna
washing up
beer
east enders
deadlines
people who dont keep promises
valentines day
being broke
when friends are upset
happy pills
pills of any other variety
drugs
politics
bitchy people
hypocrits
circus
horses
rich bitches (well im only jealous)
homophobic people, and xenophobic people
geeks. although some are ok
the post office
work
being lazy
not having choccy cake
proper "family occasions"
people who dont understand me
paperwork
rainbows
porn
hopelessness and depression
chickepox
kids who ask too many questions

right then, bitching over

well, what can i say....

done a little bit of work today, which im quite pleased about. i even read most of that really confused article about frell knows what-took a lot of courage i tell you. had to stop when i found myself falling asleep at the desk. but my dear media player kept me awake

then andy texted me (andy is a very amusing yorshire person who does jitsu, chemistry part time at uni, and works as a labmunkeh at the hospital.) he complained bitterly about being broke and noone loving him. poor andy.

then, i had a fight with Microsoft Word. it won.

up early again tomorrow. babies. Another day of sensible clothes and horible trains.....

had a phone call from eastbourne psychiatric ward today. chris is still very down, very unhappy, and being dosed up with pills. makes me mad. but according to Sumitra, my mental health expert, they cant do any other therapies before theyre past the acute stage. feels like this saga will never end.... sigh

i really should do some work. but too tired. so ill just go to bed instead. oh and i need a shower. i SMEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL*HOLDS NOSE*

here i am again,

ok. here it goes. my experiences of ballroom dancing.

yes i did. so what? it was very cool actually, if a bit different from dancing i normally do great fun. i even managed to drag alex in, he was oh so very very dubious, but he enjoyed it as well. so here i am. maybe im not that hopeless after all

ok, im off to do work. honest guv'nor

dont get scared, another bit of a song.

well guess what? life is going tits up again

too much work. too tired to do it. computers keep going haywire on me whenever i get close to them. cant do аbsоlutely anything. im in trouble with the eevil bitch from hell (my tutor replacement) Caroline , which means im going to die in a variety of nasty ways.

placement is still cool, but all those screaming babies are giving me a headache. speaking of headaches, had a migrane the other day-was collapsed and useless for half the day. not fun.

doctor seems to think i havent done as well as i shouldve done, so im being referred to the psyciatric services. Sigh.

so yeah. lifes great..... well actually not that bad. could have been worse. enjoying peace and quiet without my ex. need sleep

nats what do you think mother will do if i take half a year off the course, then go back and finish it, and work in the meantime? its just an idea, nothing definite yet, but i would certainly think about it if i knew she wasnt going to go mental....

TIMES YOU HATE IT, ALWAYS SEEM TO LAST
JUST REMEMBER
WHEN YOU THINK YOURE FREE
THE CRACK INSIDE YOUR FUCKING HEART IS ME....

i love manson.....

anyway..... a quick review of my manic life. i sometimes stop and wonder if this is really my life, and not some twisted dream. yesterday was erm..... interesting. went to work, worked a 14 hour shift like a dog that i am. went home happy. realised i lost my purse with my whole life in it. went back to the hospital. not on the ward. got on the phone from the ward to see if they found it in the kitchen. no answer. while i was trying to get hold of different people all over the hospital at 10pm on a saturday night (not the greatest idea in the world), my mobile rang. chris's mum. telling me hes in eastbourne, in hospital, in a bad state. i have a feeling he finally tried it, but she didnt tell me anything. she said that i am not allowed to contact him under any circumstances. great. im kind of happy that he left me alone, but i dodnt want it to happen like that. and i do feel sorry for him. oh and hes staying in eastbourne, and not coming back to uni. might be for the best.

anyway. i hung around the hospital until the kitchen opened again at 11.30, just to find out they didnt find anything, and told me to ring in the morning, when the management were in (which i did, and got my purse back. PHEW)

THIS morning, i got a very early xmas present from chris. make sure youre sitting down. its an acre of land. ON THE MOON. i mean, WTF???? with mining rights and everything. its a proper legal document and all. so, should they start mining on the moon, im a rich bitch.

in return, i got him a present. 2 tickets for an iron maiden concert on the 12th of december (mini moo, you can go too if mother lets you) its going to amazing. but he doesnt know yet. hee hee

well this is it in short.

oh and thanks to stinky library pcs, i havent been able to do any work!!!!!!!!!!! aaaargh

uni is great because it has fetish night. there others of course, but they arent quite as important, such as education and increased employment possibilities. but...

for those who dont know-fetish night is a reason for a lot of pople to get drunk and dress up in silly things. as it is a FETISH NIGHT, i am scared to think of what some of those people do in their private time..... here are some highlights.....

- dave wearing a @is it necrophilia if they are still twitching@ t-shirt

-dave trying to prove that necrophilia is a fetish on the doors so he can get a discount.

-chis getting in for a fancy dress price even tho he was in his normal clothes.

- a variety of blokes in drag being chatted up by other blokes becaus they look too feminine

- i ended up autographing some guys arse in a thong......

- due to female toilets being too full, me and Shiobhan ended up in the blokes loos. made some sex noises just to make it more fun. when confronted that we shouldnt be there, we said we were blokes in drag. noone believed us......

-mike in a faerie outfit.... its just something ill never forget. nor will anyone who saw him. its gonna cost mike a fortune in therapy bills....

-a huge amount of nurses, playboy bunnies, schoolgirls, and people dressed in underwear of a skimpy variety. also people dressed in chains, wips, leashes, handcuffs and little straps of leather.... great fun

- a random morris dancing guy we know came dressed up as a power ranger. he can dance as one too. still dont know whose fetish it is.

- i dressed as a faerie. but i think i failed to be a happy nice faerie-more of a one of a kind that rides around with a huge sword and hunts little children for fun.... ooops