Dori, your picture should be in the dictionary next to "enthusiasm" Or at least *bouncy*. its infectious

thanks.


Mike.....You do make nice tea.... and youre just so very USEFUL, which i cant say about most people i know.... and you still put up with me being a bossy cow.

thanks


im off.....

stuff keeps happening, and i seem to mis it all all the time..... just like that. went ouit on friday, but i thought i already wrote about that. turns out, no. anyway, went out with the girlies, including Dori, Bunny's wife. much drinking happened. Lorena was able to speak spanish this time, just before the 2 double tequilas though.... the rest of the night she spent molesting andy.... <-------andy

then we went for old orleans to have cocktails and to get lots of weird looks. mostly from the bouncers. was all fun. then-tescoes for pizza, and watched spaced till Sumitra dropped off.....

really really really should stop going out so often

doint it meself i mean..... about to paint the walls. after much searching we found a great lot of totally useless weird and wonderful things, and a tin of magnolia paint, a not quite deaaad paintbrush and a NEW paint roller. onwards!!

afterwards, gonna visit rob in hospital. dont know what hes done to himself yet.

and then i have a feeling the girlies will have a drinking sesh.... oh my

oh yeah, i might still get the civil serpent job

in that case... its still morning!!!

two days gone аbsоlutely to dogs. well thats a cat but they didnt have a dog smilie..

gotta go home in a bit wait for my daddy with sweeties! yay!! adn possibly think of something useful to do with myself..... hmmmmm

was all suicidal last night-decided to feed 3 blokes, one of who eats for 3 anyway. one didnt turn up. luckily food doesnt go to waste....... <--------al

is it just me or my life keeps getting more and more weird?..... yesterday.... started off artexing someone else's ceiling(floor, clothes, kirill's post and my head), which turned out quite a bit of fun. mike was helping me and making me tea at intervals, so it was cool. well, i might as well since i might end up living there....



then me and mike went to town, (of course he got dragged into ann summers), i finally got me some more embroidery cottons and mike fell in love with crosstitching...

then back to my place.... mike turned out to be very good at make up. apparently im a lot easier to paint that models. so i think ive got my personal make up artist.

then-off to Havoc. im all moshed out now. chis and dave getting up this morning at 7.30 to go to work was an interesting sight....
but all in all, was a great night, lots of cool music. probably the only good rock night left in guildford. gone are the times when we went out nearly every day of the week.... *sigh*


plan for today..... go home have a shower and get changed..... possibly paint some walls

it's so starnge to be in the morning. pretty cool actually, its just getting there is hard. lots to do, but thoughts are scattered across the brain cortex in no particular order and dont seem to want to arrange themselves in any particular order. waiting for the woman to call me and tell me if i can have a job. everything quiet... noone is interested in me, which could be a good thing.

going out tonight. not in a going mood as usual, but ill get there. too much going out.

motivated enthusiastic people annoy me at the moment. ill go see caroline, see if she will m,ake me cry this time.

all my stitches itch,
my prescription's low.........

-do you love your gun?

righ then....


upon being kicked out of the posh wine bar, we got the last bus and ended up in nursing accomodation. where we continued drinking stuff out of my secret booze stash that contains tia lusso, baileys and dodgy latvian 45% stuff, which i happen to think is lovely. everyone else left it to me and declaired themselves ponces. hmmmm

then we proceeded to watch The crow in my room (with candelight). mike wisely disappeared somewhere half way through.

im a bit hazy about the rest of it, but i think sumitra got andy half undressed and tickled him to near death. then i joined in, at which point lorena got scared, said something on the lines of *oooh, ive never seen a threesome before!* (but refused to join in) and her and sheep guy disappeared to the kitchen and talked till silly time in he morning.....

i can also vaguely remember tying andy up with a sheolace and letting sumitra go wild, which she did. until andy was begging for mercy.

then its all downhill from where. . we all went to bed, at about 4.30.... the funny bit was when any had to go to work for 8.30 am with a colourful neck.... hee hee

well there we go, this is the end of this story. ill never dink again (see Offspring-the worst hangover ever)

well it went something like this....

andy called and said jitsu lot are getting together for a drink.

lorena the mad fist year nurse bounced into my room and said something on the lines of: it was my birthday weeks age, we have to go out tonight

so, i had to quit my relaxing evening listening to baby-eating music and embroidery, and get dressed up in my best sunday (ok, that wasnt necessary, but i dont get out much)

then mike happened because he had nothing better to do. so... we had a few drinks and off we went. we were later joined by Sumitra the other psychotic housemate, and The Sheep Guy who lorena has a weird sort of relationship with. she *likes* him. he dragges himself behind her and talks a lot.

on arrival to pub, we tried to get the birthday girl pissed, and succeded fairly quickly. we also managed to everyone else pissed at the same time.

then.... i can vaguely remember several people, including sumitra , declaring their undying love for me, me apologising a lot for not being able to reciprocate, coctails, tequila slammers, lorena not being able to speak her own first language, requesting Nirvana in a posh bar, someone trying to ask the barmaid out for me (i thought she was niiice) and her disappearing vary quickly.... what else.... oh, ill have to come back to this when i can fully accept that that night actually happened....

ive been Terry Pratchett'ed to near death. trying to read two books at the same time. took a break yesterday to read Gay Times kindly presented by Alvin. Very informative. some interesting pictures. and not a lot of things are more satisfying than knowing that david Beckham is number 3 in a gay magazine.... hee hee hee

i actually WOKE UP at 8 this morning. got OUT of bed at 9 *shock horror!!!!* then finished my CV and went to town to look for a job with the Andy.

well waht can i say. as i previously mentioned, there isnt much there for a poor student nurse in need of some money but whose word per minute score is lower than her IQ. *SIGH*. I CAN PHOTOCOPY THINGS!! I HAVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS!!!
ok so i look like a schoolgirl in my only *sensible*outfit, AND i lied about being able to use EXCEL (mental note-must learn how to use EXCEL URGENTLY!! )

IN the end however, i ended up leaving all four of my copies of my (very short) CV, and filling out an application form. so, in total, i have

- a fairly well paid job at the social security office, which doesnt require me to know much

- a veeeery posh clothes shop i cant remember the name of

-three office temping agencies. one of them i have to phone back, another one said they might be able to find a kitchen assisstant job for me and were generally rather rude, and a third one who actually seemed to be interested in me and had a very VERY bouncy woman working there. i wonder if i can have some of what shes taking instead of my normal meds. i'd be sorted then.

so, anyway. i have some fair job prospects there. and it was a good day., even if my feet do hurt from wearing sensible shoes (andy said DMs might be comphy but arent sensible :( ), and we did end up in pizza hut with two different kinds of choccie cake. oh, and more pudding for dinner. oh, and i passed the Word test, and even the typing test, even if i cant type properly with my nails this long. oops. i finally realised i can only type fast when i need to spam someone. but there we go, all in all a useful day. believe it or not

i had a somewhat weird couple of days....

been realy tearful-for no apparent reason. well, apart from being totally useless and a not-quite-sure what.

so one of times, i called chris. not sure why. didnt want to bother others, just seemed like a day when everyone has something better to do than comfort me. was surprisingly good. its amazing, the difference. he doesnt tell me what to do. he knows just going out and havign fun wont do the job. he knows i have to do it all myself. hes been through it. funny how he talk about medication like a couple of old angina patients...

anyway, he seems better. seeing Bekki. shes a nice girl actually. hope shes nice to him. im happy for him, but somewhere, very, very, very deep, a bit jealous. not mine anymore. i do miss him. miss the good times so much, makes me cry. certain moments are stuck in my head, every detail, and wont go away. never thought things would go so wrong. but, anyway, that was the past. im still here. still breathing. have a person in my life who i love to bits and wont ever give up. new life. maybe even something to look forward to in the end. but my past is there, and will never go away. its easy to say, like it for what it was. but im sad because its gone. sad to think im not what i used to be. not sure what i think about the new me yet. time will show.

i found the best way to deal with this sort of mood though... well, A way. lock myself in a room, with no lights on, apart from some fairy lights and candles. put some gothic music on. lie on the bed and cry like a girl for a few hours.


ill just sit here and wait till the world around me gets back into some sort of order and starts to make sense.. until then, i refuse to do anything.

i should go learn some magick. maybe then it will start making some sort of a sense

last night i went through the contents of my dear old handbag (also known as The Black Hole). i discovered the following:

-about a kilo of bus tickets
-a make up bag which got considerably lighter after minim00 threw the most antique items out

- emboidery kit

- sets of keys for 3 different houses

- a small bottle of lavender oil

- a calculator

- a small pharmacy

- 2003 diary complete with old leaves and buttercup flowers

- 2004 diary

- a complete collection of bitchy letters from my tutor

- 2 years academic work

- 5 pieces of fruit and veg

- a small nuclear device

misterious things as it turns out. x years in education and it turns out im bloody useless at everything, unless you need to give someone a suppository or a bed bath.

the options are as follows:

-till monkey job.... been there done that dont particularly want to do it anymore

-office job. i know how to turn on a pc, and how to make tea, so may be worth a try. sensible clothes and manicure are gonna be a problem however.

-translating. really good money. unfortunately an ablity to actually translate things might be necessary.

-lesbain pr0n. can be arranged apparently. but im not that kind of girl. dont you know.

*sigh*

"Гей"

Добро пожаловать в \"клуб\"!


Пройти тест "Гей, натурал или..."

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Вам ближе тьма и вы с удовольствием порежете кошку "на тряпочки",притом так,что бы она пищала и мучалась.Ненависть к людям может и знает границы,но обычно вы их не замечаете,или делаете вид,что не замечаете.Короче,привет сородичам!


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i was just thinking about cats last night. im convinced they are smarter than dogs-what self-respecting creature will obey silly humans' every command and run after the stich with enthusiasm? not a cat. never a cat. you got food? yeah ill have that. nooo not that. eww you can have that yourself, ill have a bit of what you got on your plate there. no, really , you dont deserve that. i do. just because im so loovely.

cats have scary eyes. the kind of eyes you dont want to look into for too long. it may be a cute furry thing curled up on your lap, but the eyes are scary, predatory and wild, eyes of someone ready to kill. makes you wonder about who domesticated who. eyes of someone who knows something horrible, secret and hidden, kind of like the eyes of a dead person.

cats who know when you are hurting, inside or out, like they can see your pathetic little human body like an xray machine. cats who can take the pain away with confidence of a brain surgeon. what do they do with this pain?

i wish i could be a cat. beautiful, silent and deadly. leaving headless things on the doorsteps of those who adore me. only if they are good enough. you know, i tried to be a cat when i was little. cats were my best friends. they didnt bully me or tease me. they shared their toys with me, and didnt take mine away. i remember being home alone with my cat and playing with a terrified soggy mouse together. cat who seemed to understand a little human thing with not much talent for being likeable by other humans. little human who tried to be a cat

happy christmas to all those who have christmas today!

meself-woke up at 8 with a faint realisation that the alarm is going off. next thing i know-its 3.20 and i got a stinking headache. meeeeh


life keeps going all weird. chris turned up with food, and choccie cake, and a DVD (pirates of the carriabean! woohoo!!) and flowers (woohoo! i dont ever get flowers from anyone other than my dad....) cuz i was ill.... note to self-must sedate him and make him marry me before he decided to bugger off to his home planet and leave me on my own....

stuff with uni still up in the air.....


*sigh*
bedtime

so, after a lovely new years eve with my family (we actually celebrated 3 new yeasr-russian, latvian and ours, hence lots of drinking) i am back in guildford...... phew. proper rock clubs, not quite so many pikeys and old ladies and more pretty dresses.....

spent most of the day with my darling scouse type and his randomness. then ordered a pizza and watched Silence of the lambs. all in all a good day i think, but im now so tiiiiired.......

happy new year to everyone, including me, hope everything is good! (or at least not too bad!)

loooove you!!

finally got a chance to listen to a bit of manson.... tis good.

just started feeling vaguely human after last night. i discovered that the old gay bar we used to go to at college because noone cared that we were underage is now doing *rock nights*, so after a non-alcoholic-mini-wine-bar-crawl (you cant go on a pub crawl in easetbourne because o0f the lack of pubs) we ended up there. so i had a couple of shots of aftershock. then a couple of glasses of bayleys. oops. but i was fine actually, if a bit more dirty minded and flirty than usual. steve then called his mate, Dave, who joined us. dave turned out to live up to the name as-totally messed up. the pub did play some decent music, and we were the only legal drinkers by the look of it too. some things never change.

then we went to steve's. where dave tried hard to seduce me. yeah, not bloody likely. he did say he had a gf, who wont mind apparently. shes 47, he's 21.

weird stuff. but it gets better. steve took me home after that. we ended up siting in his car chatting for 2 hours- i havent had a deep and meaningful of that scale for a while. hm. then his car broke so he had to get a taxi.... hmmmm

do i attract weird people or something?