A woman walks into living room and sees her brother playing poker with their dog. "Wow!" she exclaimed, "You must have the smartest dog in the world!" and her brother replies "He's not all that smart. I've beaten him 3 out of 5 games so far." Now that PokerStars, Full Tilt Poker and Absolute Poker have effectively shut out U.S. customers in response to the charges, the PPA has issued an action alert calling on its more than one million U.S. members to express their outrage over the U.S. Department of Justice’s actions. “The DoJ’s action serves as a wake-up call to poker players across the country that the basic right to play online poker is in serious jeopardy,” said PPA Executive Director John Pappas. “We simply cannot miss this opportunity to protect our rights as American citizens. Now is the time for poker players to speak up in defense of this great game through as many outlets possible.” Through a special PPA Action... Freeroll poker online

A man walks into a poker room and notices two men and a dog playing poker. The dog was playing exceptionally well and the man comments "Wow, that's one smart dog!". "Not too smart." one of the men at the table replies. "Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail." Gold, who has represented online poker rooms like Bodog and Aced in the past, has now signed a multi-year contract with PPNpoker, the flagship poker room of the Poker Pros Network. "I have finally found a site I trust that accepts and supports both international and U.S. players," said Gold. "It has been years since I have been confident enough to play online and I'm very excited to finally have a home." The PPNpoker team already includes Poker Hall of Famer TJ Cloutier, Young Phan, Stefan Mattsson, Josh Brikis, Jonathan Tamayo and others. PPNpoker claims to be the place where the pros come to play you and makes the pro team accessible at all levels of play by allowing players to... holdem poker online

A man calls his wife at work and tells her "honey... I have some bad news. We just won the 3 million dollar state lottery." and the wife replies "Bad news? How is that bad news! We can finally live out our dreams!" to which the man responds "The payout is 3 dollars a year for a million years." Numerous European sites have boosted their guaranteed prize pools and bonuses in response to the DOJ’s lockdown, with 888 Poker, Titan Poker, PartyPoker, William Hill Poker and ChiliPoker taking the early lead. 888 Poker announced on Friday it has now doubled the prize pools of its major guaranteed tournaments including the flagship Sunday Challenge, which has been increased to a $100,000 guarantee. According to a release from the company, 888’s decision to leave the US market after the passing of the 2006 UIGEA has also moved it into a strategic position to move back into the market when it re-opens, mentioning recent approval from the Nevada Gaming Commission to work with Caesars... holdem poker online

A man walks into a poker room and notices two men and a dog playing poker. The dog was playing exceptionally well and the man comments "Wow, that's one smart dog!". "Not too smart." one of the men at the table replies. "Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail." Hansen fired off over 5,000 hands this weekend playing fellow Team Full Tilt Pro Patrik Antonius, Englishman Gavin “gavz101” Cochrane and NoPasaran.  The Great Dane stuck mostly to 6-Max $300/$600 where Antonius lost $329k and harrington25 donated $169k. In the early part of the weekend there were a handful of U.S. high stakes players still in the mix including Ben “Sauce123” Sulsky, Josh Arieh and Matt Hawrilenko but by Sunday it was a very different looking group of online poker pros. For example last night the relatively unknown Wreed Platzack won $116k and was the only player to break the $100k mark. Kagome Kagome, who is rumored to be German, was the only well-known player to crack... holdem poker online

Some people have luck that goes from good to bad in an instant. Take this one friend of mine for example. He almost always draws whatever card he needs to win a hand of poker, but almost always loses big at the horse races! I asked him about this and he once replied "Well, they don't let me shuffle the horses." However, those who predicted total doom following the announcement Friday that the Manhattan U.S. Attorney had charged the principals of three of online poker's biggest sites with bank fraud, illegal gambling and laundering billions of dollars, may have been surprised by the turnout for the day's biggest events. The 20th edition of FTOPS kicked off on Full Tilt as planned with a $200+$16 No-Limit Hold'em Multi-Entry event carrying a $1 million guarantee. A total of 6,953 entries ensured there would be no overlay and a $1,390,600 prizepool was created. Danish Full Tilt pro Soren Kongsgaard made the final table and was part of a three-way chop at the top that left him with $172,616.79 when... holdem poker online

A man joins gambler's anonymous. He's given three-to-one odds he won't make it. The AUD$2,200 ANZPT Sydney main event drew 393 players to the Star City Poker Room last week, creating an AUD$786,000 prizepool. The star-studded field included 2005 World Series of Poker Main Event Champion Joe Hachem, his brother and 2009 and 2010 ANZPT Player of the Year Tony Hachem, Aussie Millions champions David Gorr and Tyron Krost and APPT and ANZPT champion Grant Levy. But none was better than 27-year old local Sydneysider Michael Kanaan this time around. The online poker pro managed to book his first major score collecting the AUD$195,714 first-place prize after outlasting a final table that included Aussie online legend Jay "SEABEAST" Kinkade. Next up for the ANZPT is the... holdem poker online

A man joins gambler's anonymous. He's given three-to-one odds he won't make it. But the poker world soldiers on, and, as always, the stories that slipped through the cracks get collected and placed in our weekly Poker News in Brief feature below. This week, the Irish Open goes live, 888 doubles prizepools, records get broken in Macau and more. Irish Open Web Stream Paddy Power Poker will host a live web stream broadcast of the Irish Open 2011 later this month. Jessie May will anchor a broadcast that will feature live interviews, roving reporters and cameras in every corner, a dynamic news ticker, social media interactivity and a live feature table with running commentary. The stream will be accessible at paddypowerpoker.com/irish-poker-open/live beginning at 1 p.m.... Freeroll poker online

How can you get a sweet and gentle old lady to say the word "fu@k"? Get another sweet and gentle old lady to yell BINGO! Friday, the Manhattan U.S. Attorney charged the principals of three of online poker's biggest sites with bank fraud, illegal gambling and laundering billions of dollars. In all, 11 defendants were charged, including PokerStars' Isai Scheinberg, Fill Tilt Poker's Ray Bitar and Nelson Burtnick and Absolute Poker's Scott Tom. The Internet domain names used by PokerStars, Full Tilt, Absolute Poker and Ultimate Bet were seized and now redirect to a message from the U.S. Department of Justice and the FBI. In response, PokerStars issued a statement through a pop-up on its poker client saying it has suspended real-money play in the United States. "As you may have heard, we have had to suspend... Freeroll poker online

A brain surgeon receives a phone call from a colleague on a Saturday night. "We need another poker player for tonight" the friend says. "I'll be there right away!" the doctor replies with a sense of urgency. As he puts on his coat and makes his way out the door his wife asks him "Is it serious?" and the doctor replies "Oh, very! There are 3 other doctors already there!" This week Cake Poker, PartyPoker, Absolute Poker, UB Poker and PokerStars are all running some potentially lucrative free-to-play tournaments. PartyPoker is kicking everything off later today with one of its trademark $2,000 monthly freerolls while later in the day the action gets even hotter as Absolute Poker is hosting its $5k free tournament. Just in case you miss the Absolute Poker freeroll, UB Poker has your CEREUS poker needs covered with another $5k freeroll on Sunday.  Of course the big Kahuna is PokerStars $15k freeroll on Sunday that awards $15k in Sunday Million tickets. If you earned 75 VPPs in March then you’re good to go. If you're not a PL.com registered player on any of... Freeroll poker online

A homeless man asks another man for two dollars. The man says "Will you use the money to buy booze?" The homeless man replies "No sir, I don't drink." The man then asks "Will you use the money to gamble?" The homeless man replies "No sir, I don't gamble." So the man says "Do me a favor and come home with me. I want my wife to see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble." According to a press release from the U.S. Attorney's office in New York, a multi-billion dollar civil money laundering and forfeiture action has also been filed and the Internet domain names used by PokerStars, Full Tilt and Absolute Poker have been seized. In all, 11 defendants have been charged, including PokerStars' Isai Scheinberg, Fill Tilt Poker's Ray Bitar and Absolute Poker's Scott Tom. "As charged, these defendants concocted an elaborate criminal fraud scheme, alternately tricking some U.S. banks and effectively bribing others to assure the continued flow of billions in illegal gambling profits," said Manhattan U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara. "Moreover, as we allege, in their zeal... Freeroll poker online

How can you get a "professional" poker player to get off your front doorstep? Pay him for the pizza. The founders of PokerStars, Full Tilt Poker and UB/Absolute Poker were all named in the indictment and the FBI subsequently seized domains for each site. Among the defendants named were Isai Scheinberg, Raymond Bitar, Scott Tom, Brent Beckly, Nelson Burtnick, Paul Tate, Bradley Franzen, Ira Rubin, Chad Elie and John Campos.  The defendants are being indicted on charges of bank fraud, money laundering and bank fraud.  Preet Bharara, the United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York, had this to say in the indictment: "As charged, these defendants concocted an elaborate criminal fraud scheme, alternately tricking some U.S. banks and effectively bribing others to assure the... Freeroll poker online

How is a women like a casino? Liquor in the front, poker in the back! Incredibly, one day after Vanessa Selbst succesfully repeated as NAPT Mohegan Sun main event champion, fellow Team PokerStars Pro Jason Mercier did the same in the $10,000+$300 NAPT Bounty Shootout. Mercier, who has torn up the poker circuit to the tune of $5.3 million in earnings since becoming a pro in 2008, added another $246,600 in prize money with the historic win, joining Selbest as the only other player with two NAPT titles. He collected $142,600 for winning the final shootout table; $40,000 for winning his preliminary table; $14,000 for collecting seven preliminary bounties; $30,000 for three final table bounties; and $20,000 for winning the overall bounty prize. He also earned a... Freeroll poker online

A man calls his wife at work and tells her "honey... I have some bad news. We just won the 3 million dollar state lottery." and the wife replies "Bad news? How is that bad news! We can finally live out our dreams!" to which the man responds "The payout is 3 dollars a year for a million years." The AUD$2,200 ANZPT Sydney main event was a near sell-out with 393 players getting in on the action over two starting days. In total, an AUD$786,000 prizepool was created with $195,714 reserved for first. The star studded field included 2005 World Series of Poker Main Event Champion Joe Hachem, his brother and 2009 and 2010 ANZPT Player of the Year Tony Hachem, Aussie Millions champions David Gorr and Tyron Krost and APPT and ANZPT champion Grant Levy. Headed into Day 3 Saturday just 49 players remain, four spots from the money. PokerStars Qualifier Josh Barrett is the current chipleader. The event will play down to the final nine Saturday and a new ANZPT Sydney champ will be crowned... Freeroll poker online

A homeless man asks another man for two dollars. The man says "Will you use the money to buy booze?" The homeless man replies "No sir, I don't drink." The man then asks "Will you use the money to gamble?" The homeless man replies "No sir, I don't gamble." So the man says "Do me a favor and come home with me. I want my wife to see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble." Every week we’re going give you a rundown of the best satellites our online poker partners are running. The satellites will be low buy-in, high buy-in and everything in between. We’ll also highlight huge tournaments as well as Sit & Go step programs. In addition we’ll also give you our PokerListings’ pick of the week, which will be a particularly value-packed satellite.  This week we’ll kick things off by taking a look at the various offers from 888poker, William Hill and Cake Poker. 888poker 888poker has a variety of ways to satellite into the 2011 WSOP including a seriously simple steps program. Their steps program includes MTTs, Sit & Goes and rebuy tournaments. To sign up go... Freeroll poker online

How is a women like a casino? Liquor in the front, poker in the back! The Yale arts grad and Law School student turned Team PokerStars Pro outlasted a field of 387 players to claim the $450k first-place prize and become the first player with multiple NAPT titles. "I have no words to describe how I feel right now," she said. "To be able to defend the title is amazing. They both meant tremendous things for different reasons, but this is really, really important to me." Exactly one year and two days after claiming the inaugural NAPT Mohegan Sun crown, Selbst beat hedge fund manager and poker pro Dan Shak heads-up and a final table that included NAPT LA champ Joe Tehan and 21-year-old chip leader Tyler Kenney, the younger brother of PCA $100k and WSOP $25... Freeroll poker online

How is a women like a casino? Liquor in the front, poker in the back! At a final table that included 2010 PCA High Roller champ William Reynolds holding the chip lead and Seidel, recent World Series of Poker Circuit winner Ali Eslami and 2010 CardPlayer Player of the Year Tom Marchese all threatening, the relatively unknown Scarborough more than held his own. He took the lead three-handed getting paid off with a big ace against Reynolds and eventually busted him third to take a 4:1 chip lead into heads-up with Seidel. Seidel has been the hottest player in poker to start 2011, moving into the top spot on poker's all-time leading money winner's list with $4.3 million in earnings already, including two final table appearances at the PokerStars Caribbean... Freeroll poker online

How can you get a sweet and gentle old lady to say the word "fu@k"? Get another sweet and gentle old lady to yell BINGO! 23-year-old Tennessean Kyle Cartwright earned his third WSOPC gold ring in just the past three months taking down the 2011 Harrah’s St. Louis WSOPC main event. The University of Memphis graduate earned a career-high $142,290 for the win just 100 days after winning two consecutive WSOPC gold rings at Harrah’s Tunica. “I feel like I have a small advantage for some reason," he said. "I’m not sure how to explain it, but I think I do." The $1,600 buy-in event drew 449 players creating a $646,762 prizepool, the largest in Missouri state history. Not since 2009, when Dwyte Pilgrim recorded 12 cashes, seven final tables and a win in the championship event at Rincon, has a player been so dominant... Cartwright Claims Third WSOPC Ring

A man walks into a poker room and notices two men and a dog playing poker. The dog was playing exceptionally well and the man comments "Wow, that's one smart dog!". "Not too smart." one of the men at the table replies. "Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail." Sahamies fired off 503 hands on Full Tilt and added $116k to his bankroll. Ziigmund recorded most of his hands in a 6-Max $100/$200 PLO game that included harrington25, davin77, gavz101 and Scott “URnotINdanger2” Palmer. The Finn won several huge pots including a $47k monster when he turned a set of aces. The win was a long time coming for Sahamies who hasn’t been the same since going on multi-million dollar downswing last fall. Sahamies lost $2 million on Full Tilt last year and last month he even appeared to give up his Full Tilt “Ziigmund” account in favor of his PokerStars “Ilari Fin” account just to change his fortune. After last night’s session Ziigmund is only down $155k and could... Ziigmund on Comeback Trail?

How can you get a "professional" poker player to get off your front doorstep? Pay him for the pizza. The $10k event began Saturday with just 97 players, well short of the 143 it drew last year. First place is worth $273,664. By Monday evening the field was down to just nine players with Steve Barshak holding the overnight lead. 2010 PokerStars Caribbean Adventure High Roller champ William Reynolds sits right behind him, just ahead of Seidel. A member of poker's Hall of Fame, Seidel moved into the top spot on poker's all-time leading money winner's list with $14.6 million in lifetime earnings after a blazing start to 2011. He has already earned $4.3 million this year with two final table appearances at the PokerStars Caribbean Adventure, the $100K High Rollers at the Aussie Millions, and... Red Hot Seidel Threatens in WPT Hollywood Final Nine

How can you get a "professional" poker player to get off your front doorstep? Pay him for the pizza. The feldgling PokerStars North American Poker Tour returned to the Mohegan Sun in Uncansville, Connecticut this week with 387 players generating a $1.7 million prizepool in the $5k main event. $450,000 is reserved for first. After three days of play the field is now down to just 24 players with Selbst in the lead. Well known pros Jacobo Fernandez, Adam Geyer, Steve O'Dwyer, Joe Tehan and Dan Shak all sit in the top ten. Selbst kicked off a stellar 2010 with a $750,000 win at the first ever NAPT Mohegan Sun main event last April. She went on to win the Partouche Poker Tour main event and collect more than $2.8 million in total earnings on the year. The NAPT Mohegan Sun main event will play... Selbst Leads in Repeat Bid at NAPT Mohegan Sun