A homeless man asks another man for two dollars. The man says "Will you use the money to buy booze?" The homeless man replies "No sir, I don't drink." The man then asks "Will you use the money to gamble?" The homeless man replies "No sir, I don't gamble." So the man says "Do me a favor and come home with me. I want my wife to see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble." The big score erased the $275k loss he racked up on Monday night and Sahamies is now even for the week.  The Finnish poker pro was once again in the thick of the $300/$600 PLO 6-Max games last night but this time around he overwhelmed Gus Hansen, Hanes76, Jens “Ingenious86” Kyllonen and SmitjeSmee. Sahamies ended up recording 592 hands before finally calling it a night. Previously down by over half a million this year, the win improves Sahamies’ record to -$325k. Meanwhile former professional Starcraft player Eunjong Byun topped the PokerStars’ online charts winning $105k. Other big winners included FakeMonies (+$62k), ChrisFun123 (+$48k), CHUFTY (+$31k), Vaga_Lion (+$17k) and even XWINK... holdem poker online

How is a women like a casino? Liquor in the front, poker in the back! April 15, the Manhattan U.S. Attorney charged the principals of three of online poker's biggest sites with bank fraud, illegal gambling and laundering billions of dollars. In all, 11 defendants were charged, including PokerStars' Isai Scheinberg, Fill Tilt Poker's Ray Bitar and Absolute Poker's Scott Tom. The Internet domain names used by PokerStars, Full Tilt, Absolute Poker and Ultimate Bet were seized and began redirecting to a message from the U.S. Department of Justice and the FBI. But last Wednesday, the U.S. Attorney announced the office had entered into an agreement with PokerStars and Full Tilt Poker to release the domain names and allow U.S. players to register for refund... holdem poker online

A man joins gambler's anonymous. He's given three-to-one odds he won't make it. With U.S. players being forced from the site after the principals of three of online poker's biggest sites were indicted by the U.S. Department of Justice, the originally planned $45 million in guarantees have been reduced to just $25 million and event start times have been adjusted to fit European time zones. The 2011 SCOOP will run May 8-22 with all events starting three hours earlier than originally scheduled. The entire list of guarantees and start times can be found on the 2011 SCOOP tournaments page. The 2011 SCOOP will still offer 38 events and 114 tournaments at low, medium, and high buy-in levels. SCOOP satellites start as low as 25

A homeless man asks another man for two dollars. The man says "Will you use the money to buy booze?" The homeless man replies "No sir, I don't drink." The man then asks "Will you use the money to gamble?" The homeless man replies "No sir, I don't gamble." So the man says "Do me a favor and come home with me. I want my wife to see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble." Prior to the last two weeks Sahamies had been on extended downswing that even he had admitted was one of the worst in his career.  This week Sahamies quickly jumped out to a $137k profit and looked like he might go on a serious run on the U.S. player-less Full Tilt Poker. That all changed last night. Sahamies played 878 hands of Pot-Limit Omaha ranging from $50/$100 all the way up to $300/$600. It didn’t matter what stakes Sahamies played as he lost on almost every table that he opened. He was hit hardest in the 6-Max $300/$600 games, however, as noted pros like Rui Cao, Patrik Antonius, Gus Hansen, Esvedra and ronnyr37617 traded huge pots back and forth. French pro Rui Cao walked away... rake in holdem online

A man sits down at a poker game and consistently calls another man's bluff. The other man asks "how could you tell I was lying?" and the man replies "because your chips were moving." The €3,500 Paddy Power Poker Irish Open 2011 drew 615 players to the Burlington Hotel in Dublin, Ireland this weekend, creating a total prizepool of €1,968,000. Smyth, who bubbled the final table two years ago finishing 11th, rolled into Monday's final table with the chip lead and eventually beat WPT title holder and televised British poker legend Surinder Sunar to earn the title in Europe's longest running No-Limit Hold 'em tournament. Smyth grabbed €550,000 for the win and since he was the last Paddy Power Poker qualifier standing, he earned another €100,000 through the site's Sole Survivor promotion. Aparently, he parlayed a €200 win on a horse race into a seat in the tournament... holdem poker online

How can you get a "professional" poker player to get off your front doorstep? Pay him for the pizza. The inaugural event drew 221 players to the Salle des Palmiers in Monaco, creating a €1,071,850 prizepool. Kabitzke beat fellow German Alexander Debus heads-up to collect the €300,000 first-place prize, leaving his countryman with €170,000 for second. "Everest Poker organized a very nice tournament," Kabitzke said. "It was comfortable to play; high quality dealers and obviously the good 'card run' helped a lot. "I really enjoyed it. Thank you Everest Poker and Expekt Poker!" Everest Poker online qualifiers Julien Pouchain from France and Joel Dodds from Australia made the final table. The tournament drew a host of International poker superstars, including Kevin MacPhee, Isabelle Mercier,... Freeroll poker online

A woman walks into living room and sees her brother playing poker with their dog. "Wow!" she exclaimed, "You must have the smartest dog in the world!" and her brother replies "He's not all that smart. I've beaten him 3 out of 5 games so far." Antonius only played 388 hands this weekend but he still managed to tear up Gus Hansen in heads-up $300/$600 PLO and destroy another 6-Max $300/$600 PLO session that included NoPasaran, skjervoy, LokoIsBack and FinnishNightmre. Since Full Tilt officially left the U.S. market, Antonius has undoubtedly been the best player on the site and is up nearly $1.5 million in that time span. Perhaps a bigger surprise this weekend was the return of XWINK. The unidentified online player, who is rumored to be from Canada, played over 6,000 hands of high stakes PLO this weekend and won $263k. XWINK is renowned for spinning his bankroll up from a few thousand to over a million and then crashing back... rake in holdem online

A man joins gambler's anonymous. He's given three-to-one odds he won't make it. The Paddy Power Poker Irish Open 2011 drew 615 players to the Burlington Hotel in Dublin, Ireland this weekend, creating a total prizepool of €1,968,000. By Sunday, the longest running No-Limit Hold 'em tournament in Europe was down to just 55 players. But as former champs Noel Furlong (32nd) and Marty Smyth (19th) fell, Dublin's Black, who finished fifth in the 2005 WSOP Main Event, sat tenth of the ten players remaining. Eventually he got it in against chipleader Niall Smyth with a dominating ace, but it failed to hold. Smyth, who bubbled the final table two years ago finishing 11th, retains the lead heading into the nine-player final. However, as a WPT title holder and a legend in... Freeroll poker online

A weekly Friday night poker game was going strong well into the midnight hour when one of the players from the game returned from a bathroom break with a shocked look to him. "David!" he said with urgency, "Come quick! Your wife is in the bathroom making love to your brother!". "Ok guys" David replied, "this is absolutely the last hand!" Full Tilt Poker continued on with the 20th edition of FTOPS. Event #22, a $120+$9 No-Limit Hold'em Knockout Multi-Entry tournament, drew 10,650 entries, helping create a $1,065,000 prizepool that barely pushed past a reduced $1 million guarantee. After a chop at the top, obvisobv collected $146,900 and the title beating 1millionbankrol ($130,000) heads-up. 2011 EPT Berlin winner Ben "NeverScaredB" Wilinofsky made the final table, but could do no better than eighth. In the meantime, Event #24, a $300+$22 No-Limit Hold'em Multi-Entry tournament was forced to use entry fee money to cover its $1,250,000 guarantee after seeing just 3,942 entries. Canadian Full Tilt Pro and EPT Dortmund champ... holdem poker online

How is a women like a casino? Liquor in the front, poker in the back! Add in the continued action in the high-stakes arena even without U.S. players and there wasn't room for much else. Fortunately, those stories that slipped through the cracks as a result were collected and put together below in our regular Poker News in Brief feature. This week, the WTP gets postponed, PKR moves into The Cosmopolitan, a local wins at Betfair Live Tallinn and more. WTP Postpones Event World Team Poker has potponed its Championship Event scheduled for May 24-26 at the South Point Hotel Casino and Spa. “The recent developments in online poker has had a rippling effect throughout the poker industry,” said WTP CEO Michael A. Christian. “World Team Poker has decided that it is... holdem poker online

A man joins gambler's anonymous. He's given three-to-one odds he won't make it. This week you can look forward to the Cake Poker $500 freeroll on Saturday but if you’re gone for the weekend then 888poker has got its weekly $500 freeroll scheduled for Tuesday. 888poker recently doubled all the guarantees for its tournaments so there’s never been a better time to sign up for the site. Betfair is also running its new $304 freeroll for PokerListings players next Friday so make sure you earned at least 10 player points in the previous week. Meanwhile May will usher in several new freerolls including a William Hill Poker $2,500 freeroll on May 7. If you’re a PokerListings player it takes just 10 William Hill points to buy in. If you're not a PL.com registered player on any... Freeroll poker online

How can you get a "professional" poker player to get off your front doorstep? Pay him for the pizza. The famous Finnish poker pro recorded 1,134 hands of $300/$600 PLO 6-Max and absolutely stomped his opponents to the tune of $861,000.  Gus Hansen, Patrik Antonius, ronnyr37617, DrugsOrMe and Esvedra all played but Kyllonen took the biggest chunk out of Andreas “skjervoy” Torbergsen, who lost a staggering $957k. Prior to last night Kyllonen was holding steady with a relatively minor $25k in profit this year. Suddenly he’s up nearly $1 million and one of the biggest winners in 2011. Outside of online poker Kyllonen is perhaps most well known for winning PokerStars EPT Copenhagen for $1.1 million in 2009. As good as last night was for Kyllonen it was bad for Torbergsen. The Norwegian has... Freeroll poker online

A man joins gambler's anonymous. He's given three-to-one odds he won't make it. The Manhattan U.S. Attorney charged the principals of three of online poker's biggest sites with bank fraud, illegal gambling and laundering billions of dollars. In all, 11 defendants were charged, including PokerStars' Isai Scheinberg, Fill Tilt Poker's Ray Bitar and Absolute Poker's Scott Tom. The Internet domain names used by PokerStars, Full Tilt, Absolute Poker and Ultimate Bet were seized and began redirecting to a message from the U.S. Department of Justice and the FBI. Wednesday, the U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York announced the office had entered into an agreement with PokerStars and Full Tilt Poker to release the domain names and allow U.S. players to... holdem poker online

How can you get a sweet and gentle old lady to say the word "fu@k"? Get another sweet and gentle old lady to yell BINGO! The Harrah’s Cherokee Casino in North Carolina will host a $1,075 buy-in tournament May 13-15 with a $10,000 WSOP main event seat up for grabs as a part of a week of poker action. The event marks not only the WSOP's first trip to North Carolina, but the first World Series of Poker tournament held entirely on PokerPro automated poker tables. “This will be the first WSOP event in North Carolina, and it will be a premier poker event," said Ron Hager, Table Games director at Harrah’s Cherokee. "It is very exciting to bring the World Series of Poker to North Carolina for the first time. We are delivering to our poker players exactly what they have been asking for, big tournaments and the... Freeroll poker online

A brain surgeon receives a phone call from a colleague on a Saturday night. "We need another poker player for tonight" the friend says. "I'll be there right away!" the doctor replies with a sense of urgency. As he puts on his coat and makes his way out the door his wife asks him "Is it serious?" and the doctor replies "Oh, very! There are 3 other doctors already there!" For a change the 6-Max $300/$600 PLO games were running with Antonius, Gus Hansen, FinnishNightmre, skjervoy, NoPasaran and Esvedra trading huge pots back and forth. Antonius has been the man to beat since Full Tilt closed its doors to U.S. players last weekend and that certainly didn’t change last night. The Finnish poker pro played 422 hands and raked a $191k monster pot when he flopped a straight against NoPasaran and FinnishNightmre who both had over-pairs. Despite losing one bad session to Gus Hansen, Antonius has been on a tear over the last few days and accumulated nearly $500k in profit. Thanks to his recent strong play, Antonius is nearly even in 2011 after playing himself into a... Freeroll poker online

How is a women like a casino? Liquor in the front, poker in the back! Friday, the Manhattan U.S. Attorney charged the principals of three of online poker's biggest sites with bank fraud, illegal gambling and laundering billions of dollars. In all, 11 defendants were charged, including PokerStars' Isai Scheinberg, Fill Tilt Poker's Ray Bitar and Absolute Poker's Scott Tom. The Internet domain names used by PokerStars, Full Tilt, Absolute Poker and Ultimate Bet were seized and began redirecting to a message from the U.S. Department of Justice and the FBI. Wednesday, the U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York announced the office had entered into an agreement with PokerStars and Full Tilt Poker to release the domain names and allow U.S. players to... holdem poker online

A brain surgeon receives a phone call from a colleague on a Saturday night. "We need another poker player for tonight" the friend says. "I'll be there right away!" the doctor replies with a sense of urgency. As he puts on his coat and makes his way out the door his wife asks him "Is it serious?" and the doctor replies "Oh, very! There are 3 other doctors already there!" Friday, the Manhattan U.S. Attorney charged the principals of three of online poker's biggest sites with bank fraud, illegal gambling and laundering billions of dollars. In all, 11 defendants were charged, including PokerStars' Isai Scheinberg, Fill Tilt Poker's Ray Bitar and Absolute Poker's Scott Tom. The Internet domain names used by PokerStars, Full Tilt, Absolute Poker and Ultimate Bet were seized and began redirecting to a message from the U.S. Department of Justice and the FBI. Wednesday, the U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York announced the office had entered into an agreement with PokerStars and Full Tilt Poker to release the domain names and allow U.S. players to... holdem poker online

A man joins gambler's anonymous. He's given three-to-one odds he won't make it. Friday, the Manhattan U.S. Attorney charged the principals of three of online poker's biggest sites with bank fraud, illegal gambling and laundering billions of dollars. In all, 11 defendants were charged, including PokerStars' Isai Scheinberg, Fill Tilt Poker's Ray Bitar and Absolute Poker's Scott Tom. The Internet domain names used by PokerStars, Full Tilt, Absolute Poker and Ultimate Bet were seized and began redirecting to a message from the U.S. Department of Justice and the FBI. Wednesday, the U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York announced the office has entered into an agreement with PokerStars and Full Tilt Poker to allow players to register for refund requests... rake in holdem online

A man joins gambler's anonymous. He's given three-to-one odds he won't make it. Friday, the Manhattan U.S. Attorney charged the principals of three of online poker's biggest sites with bank fraud, illegal gambling and laundering billions of dollars. In all, 11 defendants were charged, including PokerStars' Isai Scheinberg, Fill Tilt Poker's Ray Bitar and and Absolute Poker's Scott Tom. The Internet domain names used by PokerStars, Full Tilt, Absolute Poker and Ultimate Bet were seized and now redirect to a message from the U.S. Department of Justice and the FBI. Tuesday, The Kahnawake Gaming Commission, which oversees the jurisdiction where Absolute Poker and Ultimate Bet hold licenses, issued a statement saying it is reviewing the indictments. "The KGC's principal... rake in holdem online

A man joins gambler's anonymous. He's given three-to-one odds he won't make it. Last night Antonius got some measure of revenge against his Danish friend who took several hundred thousand from him over the weekend. Antonious logged 126 hands last night including 66 of $300/$600 PLO and 60 of $3,000/$6,000 PLO Hi-Lo. All of Antonious’ hands were against his Hansen and in the end the Finn raked in a total of $137k. Hansen tried to right the ship by logging another 173 hands of $300/$600 against anyone he could find but he still lost a total of $168k on the night.  The Great Dane is likely not worried as he’s still up over $4 million on Full Tilt this year. Whether he’ll be able to withdraw that money any time soon is definitely up for debate.  Meanwhile Antonius, who... Freeroll poker online