This day started with the washing of the windows... that was so wonderful...
ha, at college we had speech practise where we were discussing the typical families of today's world, discussing the causes of family conflicts and so on. my desk neighbour and i were to make the dialog between a wife and a husband. so we take the conflict of different views on bringing up children. i acted a strict wife, dashs acted a freevolous husband. i liked our dialog, 'cause we trained it for 2 times and when we went to act it out before the audience, we made totally another one))) as usual)))
then we had a terrble pair of a discipline(i dont even know how it sounds in English - something like "the basis if the protection of work(working people)) it was boring, we were not ready for it...
then i asked the teacher of the history of the English language (red. The HOTEL))))) not to sign me as absent.
inspite of sitting at college we went to a cafe, ate some ice-cream, talked... to cut along story short? we spent time in a very pleasant way))
my friend sveta and i decided not to go to college tomorrow, as we ere tired of it, and i thought that we will stay at my flat, make some food and watch Avatar. but.. when i came home i knew that my mum is going to atey at home tomorrow and all our wonderful plans have crashed in a second. What's a pity!!!!!
now i'm thinking of the way to make myself go to college tomorrow. that'll be fantastically hard, i think.

ok, let's finish here. i want to watch something, so i need to go.
i hate when my plans are crushed to the ground. that's disgusting.

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Настроение сейчас - i'm crazy

I'm so tired. It's awful. college, cources, now - a lot of English grammar. I'm going crazy of such ammonts of the language, i'm tired of studying even the semester started 2 weeks ago. i hate sleeples nights, early rising in the mornings. no time for life, for something instead of an everyday routine.
i want the holidays to come. want some rest. i want more sun during the day, i want the weather to get warmer. i don't want to learn foolish lectures on stylistics of the English language.
oh, my dad is coming to sit at the computer. that means.. "Hello, grammar!!"

by the way, a sentence from Stylistics lecture: Expressionless pumpkins waiting for face lifts. - the example of personalisation in English.
good bye my brain, good bye my mind..
that's no use thinking now.
ok, i'm going to sleep.

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Настроение сейчас - quite happy

Hey, it was a tiring day.. I woke up in the morning, went with my dad to the market, read my philiosophy report, went to college.. then i had an extremely boring lecture on phonetics, passed the exam on philisophy, went to the cources of the Russian language, went home... Now it's 1.10 a.m., i have a lot of tasks to do and don't know where i finds the time for it.
Thanks God, my mind was blured during the whole day by my studies, and i had no time to think of any fool staff. Ugh, may be i'm a little crazy?
Now i really fine, instead of the situation a week ago.
Spring... Snow and ise are melting, the Sun is shining, it's getting warmer. my life is aliving with the nature. i like spring most of the 4 seasons, that's the most wonderful period of the year.
i'm happy. everything is ok, isn't it?))

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Настроение сейчас - a bit tired

Sometimes i understand that eveything is going as it needs. Hour after an hour, word after a word, action after an action... How dare we try to stop all that? That's not our duty or something like that.
so, day pasts after day, nothing extraordinary is happening, nothing is changing.. No, i think that my attitude to some things is changing. i'm trying to throw my foolish feelings awy, i can't stand such a foolish state of body, mind and life. Now, i think, is a great kind of tides - my strenghes are getting better. the slogan is "Stop thinking!")) That's cool.
I like spring. it brings a widh to keep on living, on believing... spring is the time when everyone wants to love and to be loved.
love is good. that's my own personal opinion. when you're in love with someone, you feel better, you love your life, you think the whole world is yours. and that's one of the greatest feelings in the wold.
but you're to love and to be loved. Unshared love is a grief for a person's soul.

i wanna sllep. Best wishes to the whole world.

Настроение сейчас - indescribable

Two days ago i was totally confused of my feelings. It seemed i'm in love with Bill again. Again in my life. My heart was beating faster when i saw his photos, my mind was blurred by the force of his eyes and smile. And at the same moment i was afraid off that talking to myself to stop doing it. I decided to go to sleep to give up bad thoughts, but when i closed my eyes, his face was waving behind my eyes. I fell asleep thinking of him again. Again. What's going on? i can't understand. My thoughts are slipping away from my mind.
That event had made me think over creating my own diary, cause i don't want my friends to know about it. But at the same time i need to have a little rest of my thoughts.
The Stream Of My Thoughts

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Настроение сейчас - totally upset

When i was 15 i entered college and start learning English. In 4 years i was to get the qualification of a teacher of English. As i live in Minsk, Belarus, that's not rare thing that people learn this language. We need it for our future. But, i'm not talking about it.
Having passed my last entry exam i was walking with my classmate, Dasha, listening to her. She was talking about our exams, about our future life. But then she asked me to take her new BRAVO magazine for a moment. That moment turned my life upside down. I fell in love with the guy from the title page.
Since then my love to him was growing and becoming stronger and stronger. That's easy to say that i was so young, i wanted to love and to be loved. And it's true, because every young girl wants it. That's our nature, we have no possibility to correct it.
After falling in love with him i couldn't stand but buying all the magazines where his face was printed; i listened to his music only; i started writing poems to him, because my soul was aching and i was trying to find a way out of my constant nightmare; i dreamed of him every moment and couldn't concentrate on important things. Even when i was at college i thought of him, every word remembered me of his existence in this huge world. The only thought of that he was far away from me made me feel dead. That was awful time for me, for people around me, and for my family. Now i understood, that my mum was shocked a little of my 'disease' 'cause she is mother and is worrying of her children. And i often want to tell her 'thanks' - for understanding, for a an invisible support..But i can't. and i don't now why. May be one day i'll do it.
Now i see i was a little foolish, i loved the picture and the person whom i created. what's funny - i understood that in those days i couldn't help but continue loving him.
I have a lot of photos, a lot of videos, the songs.... i have a lot af posters, even his autograph. After that period of my life my head was damaged. I couldn't find a real guy to fall in love with, because i compared every guy with him and everyone was loser in comparison with my idol.
My computer was a mute witness of my tears, of my pain, of my dreams... There are a lot of poems and notices are still in it and when i read them all that sorrow takes me and that is awful.
One day i had fallen ill and spent 1,5 month at hospital trying to recover. The cause of my illness was a nervous character and it that was the first time i've thought over my life, over my actions and behavior. I thought over my health and start trying to give up loving him. While the time was pasting i noticed that i was becoming better and better.
That summer, 2008, i was working in a summer camp and fell in love with the guy in it. That was an undivided love but it helped me to understand the problem of the picture-idol. Since that i was free of an undivided picture love, i am free at all.
But sometimes i couldn't understand myself : What do i want? What do i need? What am i to do? What is going on with me?
To cut a long story short, i catch myself on the idea of my still loving him. That's unbelievable for me, but it's too bad to be a mistake.
That's the guy whom i loved so much. My picture-idol 2 years ago.

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Настроение сейчас - confused

One boring evening i was sitting at my computer and searching for new info of my favoirite band. That's the habitual action of mine, especially when i was isolated from any possibility to get some new info about the guys. I was fully in it, and one moment i saw a few photoes of him and was shocked. I don't know what is going on. I'm totally surprised of my own strange feelings. What's it?

Просто иногда нужно выговориться...