A famous sexologist was giving a lecture in front of a big crowd.
"There are 4 kinds of men when it comes to sex. The first kind does it every day. You can usually recognize him by his masculine body and the constant smile on his face. Do we have anyone like this in the audience?"
A man got up from the audience and he fitted the description: Big firm body with a smile on his face.
"Then there is the second kind. They have sex once a week. They also have a generally happy mood, and look pretty good, but of course not as good as the first kind. Is there any one of them here tonight?".
A second man got up, and he too fitted the description.
"The third kind do it once a month. They are chubby and usually grumpy. Anyone of them here?".
The man that raised from his chair looked exactly like the expert claimed.
"And then there is the 4th kind. They do it once a year. They usually have a big belly, but the thing that is most tipical is that they are in a constant state of depression. I know it would be hard for him to admit, but if there is one of those in the audience, please rise".
A fat and short man stood up, but in contrary to the experts prediction, he looked very cheerful.
"You do it only once a year?", the expert asked.
"Yes, only once a year".
"So why are you so happy?", demanded the expert.
"Well", said the man, cheeringly, "Tonight is the night!"...
Girls' Night Out
Girls' Night Out
Two women where at a pub, having a fun night out, away from their husbands. When they got out and started walking back home, they suddenly had a strong urge to pee. They decided to do it in the cemetery, where they figured no one will notice them. Once they were done, they remembered they didn't bring toilet papers. The first one took her panties off, used it like paper and threw it away. The second used some flowers from one of the tombs.
The day after, one of the husbands called the other and said, angrily:
"Looks like our wifes had quite a good time yesterday. Mine came home without her panties!".
The other one answered, even more angry: "That's nothing. Mine came back with a small note sticked to here ass, saying 'we will never forget you. love, from all the guys"...
Tarazan Having Sex
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree. "Horrified, she said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground, and spread her legs. "Here," she said, pointing, "You must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer, and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane screamed and rolled around in agony for several minutes. Eventually, she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?" "Tarzan always check for bees."
Stupid Wives
Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were.
The first says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge big enough to keep it in!"
The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"
The third, a blond male, nods sagely and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "I have to laugh when I think about it," he chuckles. "Last week my wife left on a vacation to Greece. I watched her packing her bags and she must have taken at least five boxes of condoms with her. She doesn't even have a penis!"
Bad Weather
Bad Weather
A guy goes fishing every Saturday morning. He gets up early and eager, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes, all day long.
Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck and down the driveway he goes.
As he is coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph. Minutes later, he returns to the garage.
He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.
There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers,"The weather out there is terrible."
To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit?"
Not Hungry
A woman asks her husband, "Would you
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