James looked into boy's eyes.
- Why don't you fear those monsters? Aren't you afraid of pain?
The answer followed:
- I've got things much more terrible to be afraid of.
- And what's that?
- Hatred in my loved one's eyes and words "I lied you. I don't love you." from her lips.

@music: Jane Siberry - It Can't Rain All The Time
[700x525]

Otacon stood there on the snow drenched in Wolf's blood. He was staring at her gentle body and crying...
- Snake! - He shouted. - What was she fighting for? What am I fighting for? What are you fighting for?
Snake stopped, turned around and looked and him.
- If we make it through this I'll tell you.
As the last tear fell off Otacon's face he promised:
- Okay. I'll be searching too.

@music: Godsmack - Make Me Believe
[700x525]

- Do you have a dream, James?
- Yeah. I have.
But I guess it's a dead dream after all...

@music: Saeko Chiba - Sayonara Solitia
[700x525]

Happiness is one of the most valuable things of this world.
Love is the most.

In order to gain power, one must endure the times of loss. In order to understand the meaning of the power. In order to be able to control it. What is given easy, will be lost soon.
In order to be happy, you must go through the agony and pain of loneliness and despair. To cry in silence, missing a loved one over and over... Unless it is over. Unless you are ready.

Some people suffer through their whole life just to receive a chance to be tested. Even an opportunity to fall in love is not given so easily. But once you're in the game, you can't quit. There's no way back.
You were chosen. That means you are worthy to face these trials.

We were taken out of the cruelty of the world in the age of 18, at the dawn of our life.
It is hard. Painful.
But that means the one thing. We are on our way for a true and eternal love. If Heavens have given this chance to us... Then we are strong, no matter what others say. I wonder if this ability to see the signs can help us to stay up till the end.
Well, nothing is worthless in this world. So, everything has sense.

In this crucial world we have a piece of light.

My Angel... Be my lover.
I will be with you. I will protect you.
Until the end.

@music: Scorpions - Send Me an Angel
[700x525]

illusions.. and dreams... they keep following...
incredible... in the past I see things that happened not so long ago..
am i afraid of'em..?
am I dead?

I'm writing these lines to remember. The pain.
I am not afraid of it. I was born in this Hell.
And already got used to it.
Just remembered how I lived long ago.
Before they broke my soul.
May be somebody will understand it all.. Understand why? Angel..?

But truly saying I doubt it. It's nonsense for the people of the real world..
Good thing weather has changed. I saw lightnings in the air... Felt the magic. Felt the power.
And it was beautiful...
But now.. don't care.



I'm just half way done. Page 507. Time 18:31.
There was not the only kiss. They spent together a week or so..
And they WERE kissing.
This was another hidden truth. By her lips.
It blinds me. But I still can hear. And thus, can fight.
The game.. The spectral realm.. The game of cards...
This is also a trace of the past. Getting paranoid.. Or.. Was I always like that..?

It was hard only in the beginning. But now I got used.. and I like it all.. This is my home.
They say, once you've seen Hell, you can't come back. But they are wrong.
I just don't want to...






Page 514. Time 18:46. Voice is becoming lower...

"I don't trust his words"... is what I was thinking up to this moment.
But what if I was wrong? What if his friends were saying the truth? What if their love was the best of

all...?
And I. Ruined it.

His words are so brilliant. He's trying to be so kind.
And she's accepting it so easily.. She is shy!

How long is gonna last?

Oh damn...! Can't laugh any more, demons are stronger..






Page 528. Time 19:00.

Missing events. Have to ask later...






Page 532. Time 19:04.

I can't believe it! He's tricking words!!!))))))
He's mistificating playing the role of his mother...)))))))
Dirty trick! Bastard...!
How can a shit like that write such beautiful words...?!

And mistakes are the same. He was trying to put points at first, but then the style came back to senile one.
Angel... you're so naive...
Oh god... This world... or that one... so cruel.
He's using the same trick.. Creating illusioned links... She is making her to be with him through the

others...

Like he was trying to expell me from her life..

P.S. His life story is also a lie, deshou?






Page 545. Time 19:20.

Missing events again...
But at least, that's true. She broke up with him. She.

Now I see. She's really strong.
After all those illusions which she believed, she said him goodbye.
Happiness is what she values the most...
I was so wrong about you, angel... So wrong. I'm so sorry...

P.S. The book about Klaud...







Page 564. Time 19:37.

He was using tears. Damn...







Just thoughts...
You are sincere... You are strong... You are divine...
You are the angel of Sunshine...



Page 578. Time 19:58.

She's sent me a message. She didn't forget about me... Even in this Hell...
I love her. No matter what. She's my Goddess...
But a message back is lacking by time... Anyway, I thank you, dear..





Page 580. Time 20:17.

Time to change myself. I don't wanna be like Will or Asmadeus or whoever else you've got there in the

past...
I wanna be Raziel, Night Raven. I wanna be myself. Like it always has been before.
Want to love you, do love you, hold you, kiss you... Forever....
I promise...

But the Hell is still here. I've to walk this up to the end.
Soon...

I understood the right side of the Scales.
The riddle is solved. Time to get out of here.




Page 591. Time 20:37.

She was kissing them, because of a true soul, because of pitiness...
But those kisses were not sincere. Not passionate.
She was sad... Because the heart always longed for another one...
It's cruel. You went all through this Hell, alone...
For me... I lack words...

I'm so sorry.........



Page 607. Time 20:55.

"Возможно, в этом мире ты всего лишь человек, но для кого-то ты - весь мир."
"Не плачь. Потому что это закончилось. Улыбнись, потому что это было."
"Не прилагай столько усилий, всё самое лучшее случается неожиданно."

These are not rules. Just quotations...
Nevertheless, sometimes they are true.





Page 614. Time 21:00

This is getting fun)))
After all this he's just a slave of the instinct))

Wishing us to brake up... Grrrrrrrr.... The beast is changing forms.
Tiger or Wolf?
Ah, yes.. The Raven.








Page 622. Time 21:14.

This Hell.. He's torturing you!!!
My God... I want to destroy him...

My angel... What have they done to us... Why...





Page 623. Time 21:16.

This all reminds me a tale about the bored shepherd and the wolves...






Page 670. Time 21:49.

You are always seeking the best of the people...
Even when they hurt you, you want to Читать далее...

Time to remember something good...

1) Raven

[700x525]

2) Naruto

[650x488]

3) Fable

[700x525]

[700x525]

@music: Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend

Strange.. Why do I feel so lonely.. What do I await from her..?
It is her life, there is a no place for me in it..
Ah, well, I've said already.
Got used to this...

[Almost giving up on trying,
Almost heading for a fall,
And now I'm screaming..
I've gotta keep on fighting.
But then again,
It doesn't end.]

Mom's crying again...
Oh, so what, nobody cares.

@music: The Veronicas - Heavily Broken
[700x525]

This world is broken too. Death has lost again.
Love is stronger.
Angel... You are the one...

^_^_^

@music: The Veronicas - 4ever
[700x525]

Senseless. It's coming back again. No way...
Recreatting those thoughts again and again, desiring to protect our feelings. But it all ends up with taking the blame for the sadness. No useful lessons are taken out, we just stop for a while to repeat those mistakes once more later.

So, I am totally wrong. It's all the other way round. Guess, I went too crazy about ideal love. As time passes by, less people share these visions of happiness. Nobody's changing. We are just trying to hide from our own reality, creating those illusions of hope, that someday it's gonna be alright. That we can move on... But the time passed. And we are still here, dying.
It seems that you're right, angel. Have to rely only on yourself. There's no reason to trust or to express feelings...

Crap... Please, let me fall asleep... I can't stand this anymore..

It seems, I've started realizing... Realizing about this light and peaceful Silent Hill music. This is how a human feels when being not afraid of death. This is what happens, when you know, that you're going to die. Maybe now, maybe later... But it doesn't matter. Because you're ready. Living close to death, speaking to it, trusting...
Deep in the Dark Forest...

[Forest of Death]

You don't need to hide from anything. Don't have to waste energy on blocking sad thoughts... Your mind is FREE!

And that is when you are fully alive. For a single last moment.

Funny. Love is stronger than death..? Mistake.
[Love and death are the same thing ever...]

@music: Akira Yamaoka [SH2 OST] - Forest
[700x525]

Were we afraid to find ourselves in this silly tale..? Memories over and over flash out... Even further to the past, closer to beginning. Have red old notes of mine. And now I'm wondering.. Is that game I've started still on? Was it running along by side all this time? And that means this world is not real. Stuck in my own delusions. Where is reality?

Andy, do you know the way? How many doors do you see? How many have you marked already...

None a single image has lost. They are still in the memory. And by the help of these notes, it's easy to refresh the feelings. What is that thing I can't let go?

I don't understand the difference... Why do we hide our story of love and happiness? Why don't we share the piece.. Not even a word since yesterday. But, Hell, it's OK with me. I can hide this disappointment...

Nevermind, Angel...

Death is close. Once again.
LAUGH!!! IT IS BEAUTIFUL!!!

@music: The Veronicas - Nobody Wins
[700x525]

Ahh, it's not enough..! I need you more and more. You are my light, you are my dream, you are my eternity... I love you, I want you, my angel!
Need to kiss you over and over again, need to say tender words to you, need to hear you loving me... Everywhere. Every minute, every moment of this short painful life..!

Every second together, whatever... I won't leave you, I want to make you feel happy, fulfilled, exhausted! My kitty, my darling, my elven goddess..!
I don't care what others say. Unless you are mine. And we are as one. And that is forever.

@music: Avril Lavigne - Hot
[700x525]

The gentle feeling of distortion and lost reality. Just at the moment when you are going to die, somebody close of you looks up at you and says that your death will be just a relief. And then you don't want to die anymore... You don't want anything at all... And you stop posing and come back to suffer more.

All the past, all the words of the worst days come back. Just another rain, another time, but feelings are the same... Yeah, it's cool. Having no tears is fun. It's wonderful, when the demons fighting inside you can barely leave a shadow on your peaceful face. People stare at you, laughing and shouting at you, your weakness, just because you hide your emotions. Just because of the lost faith long ago...
And they wonder why you don't love your relatives. They are ready to ask it everyday and feel a relief over and over again... Because there is someone who is worse than them. They can cover there own sins under the shadow of bigger ones, like yours...

And you are to seek for the only answer...
Why is a broken heart considered to be cold?

@music: Tiziano Ferro - Sere Nere
[700x525]

Y'know, it's fun sometimes, when you remember the past in some different light. When you understand the circumstances in some other way... Like you went through a different world, maybe not real though..

What means the path of dignity? What means the path of God? Who said that we are to suffer in this life, so we could be happy afterwise? Well, nobody said the opposite way...
We are not given a mission before the birth. We are not told that this life is the test of the soul. Behaving in your own way is neither good, nor bad. Our thinking made it so...
We are only to guess what is set to our dreams. Thus, through our instincts, which tell us what to do. We are not animals, we consider ourselves higher... But in the end, are we happier than them, when behaving against our will?

The only thing we are granted is the right of choice. And there is nothing else to make a difference between humans and animals...
We can decide what to believe in, which path to choose. But be careful. Don't overvalue yourself. You are not a God. The desire to create music and the wish to be a famous composer are not the same. The first is given by the world. The last one is what some call destiny...
We are not granted with what we want, but with what we deserve. And the right to judge these is far beyond our reach.

So be it. Be yourself. Take a choice and live beautifully. Like a cat, or a wolf, or a raven, or a cheetah...

Mind does not exist after the choice is made.

@music: {no music this time... must have an honor}
[700x525]

I want to scream... I want to cry! I want to tear this goddamn world into pieces!!!
Emptiness.. Feeling of desertion......... There's something stuck... in my heart and.... disintegrating me.........
Have to tear it out!Throw it awuiy...!!!!! shshshHJSDHSh
What happende to my feelings... What is going on..........

I'mscared...............................

[I will be waiting right here only to roam...
When the bells chime like there is no tomorrow...
I'm never gonna ever gonna belong to another no...]

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAmn!!!!!!!!!
damnamdamdamadnmdmadndamndmndamnadmndmnadjkfnipjher0km 49n je98-9 utb n9ui4hn6u94 n59uhn 56h 4iu689uy90jb hr509hj09h j 0945jh056 h05690h0-y3o g dlfshk3w4'yk3p]5ai -i

[My candle shines at nighttime
Through the dawn,
But my darling you have fallen
And don't belong...]

WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!&&&&&&&&&&??????? ()((((((((((((((((((
Ehy are u tearing us apaert ?!!?!?! HAve we deserved xctyhis n????????????
Crucify me.l But why HER?"?!
} WHat's so pure avbouut all this?!?!? Are you thiunking you can controkl???!
Do you think you hknow everythuing&*!&!?!?!?
HUHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!&&&&&&???????

Smoke... It comes from nearby... Fire...
[NOT AN ANGEL YET....!!!!]




....................................................scream...........
@music: Mess.....
[700x566]

Still remember, how we used to play innocently back there... I still remember, how we used to dream, to laugh, to cry. Has it all been lost among these promblems around us..?

[We picked a helluv'of a night,
From the shore I see the skyline..
In a couple of hours from now, Rick,
We're gonna get out of this life...]

Yeah.. I liked that song. I liked John's voice. It seemed so soft. I wish I had a voice like his...
I tried to sing his songs like him. I even acted a singer once. Well.. I bet, no one got it.

[And just like Butch and Sundance
We'll ride until the dawn,
Sipping whiskey, singing cowboy songs,
On the Right Side of Wrong...]

It seems so far away now. But still, so kin. It's like something sweet and beautiful that has been lost long ago, now comes back. I wonder if you feel it, angel... What is gonna be for us? What is it gonna be for you?
What do you dream about? What do you regret about?

A person cannot erase a feeling by saying to everybody that it doesn't exist. You'll be just calling it another name. If not hatred, then hipocrisy or lust or fear or whatever... But in the end we'll just finish realizing, that we have been lying...
Remember Interstate 60? You can't talk about something you've never felt. Yeah, maybe living without black feelings seems beautiful... But you can't hide.

[We'll make the grade,
They'll know our names,
I need a friend to drive here.
Wear my necklace
Of St. Christopher
And talk to him while I go inside.
I'll take that suitcase,
Get the cash
And we'll be gone before you know..
Wait until we tell the girls we're moving down
To the Gulf of Mexico...]

@music: Bon Jovi - Right Side of Wrong
[700x525]

Yeah, yeah, I know why you showed me that ugly dream. I didn't have talk to him at all, so he would understand everything by himself. Good thing, haven't gone too far. They have their own path. Don't interfere. Don't play the role of a World...
I'm really sorry, Rain. But the will for life is the most valuable thing in the end. When it will be really perfect. Just hope that you feel a friend, when she needs you.

@music: James Blunt - Cry
[700x525]

Sometimes it's very hard to stand up back on your feet. Learn how to walk once again. Learn how to fight with a smile...
But this is the only way. Pieces of broken souls ain't fitting each other by themselves. Bad use. You dremt about the separation. And that's why you've got it. Everything is explained.
Well, it passed. Just don't forget it again...

@music: Blackmore's Night - Scarbourgh Fair
[700x525]

Damn it! It's painful again. How many times do we have to fall and crash our bones to pieces just to get up after that, collect them and walk on once more..? Beasts of hatred and evil surround your body, tear your flesh... But don't kill.
They don't touch your rotting heart, they just eat you slowly, watching you suffer after the fall, so you could feel it... And the longer you stay on the ground, hoping to die, the more pain is running through you. And so finally you understand, it's just a matter of time, when you start moving, trying to heal the wounds and live on.
They can't kill you, cause of the shining love inside you...
And that's why death is easier. Death is not painful. That is why death is nothing but merely a delusion after all this.

Strange. It was so peaceful there, on the top... That I've almost forgot how to.. exist.

Get up... Get up! They are waiting for you. And not only them. Your angel still needs you....
[[[GET UP!!!]]]

P.S. Damn... I'm starting to feel ashamed that you read all this, angel... Something I really wanted to hide deep inside...

@music: City Sleeps - Another Day
[700x525]

Lonely again... Naked chest, long hair waving, wounded hands in the pockets, standing on top of the rock - show the wind how to fly.
Spirits of despair of emptiness nest in the bottom, like predators of rotting flesh. Reckless thoughts fall off the mount, being devoured by those ghosts. Slowly, painfully, agonizing...
The air is frosty. Snow strikes from every directions altogether. It's getting harder and harder to stay here, on the edge. Soon, will be blown off this stage and lost forever. No need to climb back again.
There has been enough of these sceneries. Endless valley landscapes, torturing grey sky. Look up and smile! Somebody might notice you.. before your final fall.
Is it day or night? It has no sense any more. And no difference. Time has disappeared.
Only love and despair left...

@music: Akira Yamaoka [SH2 OST] - Promise
[700x525]

Screaming out always makes some sense... If not for you, then for the others.
Such a deep feeling of loss, like we become something unreal after being striken by a lightning.
Seems like a human body is too week to enhold light and fire without pain. And so, times are changing. Being lost and found again, rising up and falling down, the eternal cycle of life and love. The fire of the human soul.
The visions and sounds knock into this sanctuary. Some tell about bad times in their lives, some feel happy, some are just seeking... But what about the world? Is it happy... Or should we say.. Is He happy?

Just received a call from my mom. She's crying... Has death already come..?
Darkness.. No wish to laugh. But I make myself to. Why? What for..?
It seems like bad things happening just because we forget the price we paid to gain what is precious to us... How to make ourselves to remember?

Maybe you were right, angel? Maybe we just have to live on..?
But in the end, we can't hide from pain.

Well, if souls are together, bodies can't separate them. Love is the strongest, the most wonderful thing we could ever imagine. It just can't be another way.

[Keep the life burning
To shine the love always!
Always...]

The future is worth the fight. We'll be together. No matter what. No matter how... We'll find our path.

@music: Brainstorm - Colder
[700x525]