I actually like to scroll down and look at my wall on one of my social media accounts. Remembering, looking at the photos. I was doing that recently and was amazed how much I managed to travel last year, and mostly to the cities and countries I haven't been to before - like Amsterdam, Dublin, Stockholm and Copenhagen, and I traveled there just by myself.
How I pulled off flying to Paris for one day just to see Hozier live, and spend 5 hours of the next day in Amsterdam transfer and had a crush on a freetour guide.
How I went to Rome and then Amsterdam once again in March for holidays.
How I got it into my head that I want to see Ireland, and got a visa and booked a lot of one-day tours, including Moher Cliffs.
How I thought that I'd actully like to combine in one-week trip Stockholm and Copenhagen in November, and fell in love with the latter city, even a bit more than with Amsterdam earlier in the year.
Oh and aside from Hozier last year I've been to Garbage and Placebo concerts and seen Jose Gonzalez live. But Hozier concert will remain most memorable, probably because I have a huge crush on him, or maybe because it was at Follies Bergere so it held a certain atmosphere.
I'm really anticipating Rock Werchter festival this year with its incredible line-up.

It's all this good stuff that I get to remember when I scroll down my wall, or my instagram.
But the fact remains that despite all these wonderful events the 2016 will remain the year my dad died.

I have no idea yet what the 2017 will bring aside from the upcoming trip to Saint-Petersburg in February or trip to Belgium for the festival in the summer and hopefully trip to Italy in September. I guess I'm okay as long as I have some travelling to anticipate.
But as I see it, the 2017 better bring something amazing into my life to compensate for what 2016 took from it. There's gotta be balance, I hope.

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Give me more than one caress, satisfy this hungriness
Let the wind blow through your heart
For wild is the wind, wild is the wind

I just want it to be over already.

It's a trip down a memory lane. So I remembered about this thing and decided to read some posts here. And just couldn't help myself and not write some updates. 2 years have passed and I'm still in hr at the same company that turned out to be not so temporary. Arts sphere? Pfff, don't think that's in the future. I guess from one point of view not much has changed, well I changed a bit, but just as clueless as to where I'm headed. I still feel sometimes that I'm standing still, that maybe I need some kick, some drastic change of scene, like leaving the job, the country, but that's just foolish thoughts. I don't have any money for relocation anywhere especially with the currency rate these days, and leaving the job also won't help, cause - money.
Meeting someone and falling in love would certainly help, but who knows when that's gonna happen. Russian guys are pretty immature, and I don't see any smart and funny foriegn men walking around. Bummer I know.
So escapism still comes in forms of books, music, films and tv-shows (american, english and korean)

Ok, sooo, this year turned out pretty good I think, there was some bad stuff, but I won't focus on that obviously. I worked aaand spent all my money on traveling, which I personally think is the best way to spend them)) I went to Rome, to visit my amazing Marina Bogachyova, and to Paris for the first and second time in my life and turned 23 there in the lovely company of Anna Kuzmina)) Corfu was pretty awesome too, I mean, when going to the sea is not great? And finally Prague and Vienna, where after almost 3 years I got to see Katarina Kolarikova again!)) After all it's all about the company you keep, and this year...wow. The people I've met. For example, Guli Sharipova, can you believe we've met only in January? And I feel like I've known you way longer! All my wonderful colleagues at work. And of course the KOOZA people!!! I mean...my mind was blown how many extraordinary people I've gotten to know and love just in the short 2 months! So that's what I wish for everyone - go places, meet new people, cherish old friends and of course your family, know yourself better through them, make plans and go for them, or don't make any plans and see where life will take you)) I already have something to look forward to in 2014, like my upcoming trips for one, but I won't mind some happy surprises along the way and you of course))

Well...some internet-shopping and new music are doing wonders for my mood. Thank you Asos and Sharon Van Etten! Can't wait for my new colourful skirt to arrive
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I'm back from Rome and Paris...I wish I could just stay in Paris, it's so sad and dull here...I need to set some goal and make some plans but I'm just baffled and confused about what I can do or how can I get where I wanna go... I have an offer to stay where I'm now, in hr, and be a recruiter and than a consultant and blah blah. I don't think I wanna be a recruiter or even grow in the hr sphere, I always looked at this job as a temporary position. But I can't really tell my employers that, after all my fucked up interviews I've learned to keep my mouth shut about my secret hope to find a job in the arts sphere, you know, something that was actually connected to my education.

I'm seriously considering again to go to the graduate school...it would be easier to get into some internships that way..aw hell, I have no idea about what to do...

You woke up late to find it was your fault
That he ran away
Your shoes are tied,
Your hair is up,
You start running
And you never stop.
You can try
You can try to rely upon
your past desires to keep you
Running on.

There's people on the bridge,
Fishing for a life that makes more sense.
As the tide begins to turn,
The hooks sink on the line,
Shows us what we've earned.
And it's caught beneath the reeds
Their lovers as in someone else's dreams.
As the water rises up,
It's the only thing we reach..
We cannot breathe,
And speak our love.

Don't lose your will to stand
When you look upon your empty hands
All you see is deep spill inside your heart
It's a brand new life with a brand new start
So i tell you
Don't lose your will to stand,
When you look upon your empty hands
All you see is deep spill
Inside your soul
It's a brand new life
Try to take control

I just wanna travel, you know? See thing, meet people...

It does not in any way manifest some kind of situation I could be in, and I don't have any context in my life to put it into right now. I just like the lyrics and the song itself is so strong it blew my mind when I heard it in the live version and I like to sing along to it. You should check it out, it'll give you chills.

Don't hold yourself like that
You'll hurt your knees
I kissed your mouth and back
But that's all I need
Don't build your world around volcanoes melt you down

What I am to you is not real
What I am to you you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea

Don't throw yourself like that
In front of me
I kissed your mouth your back
Is that all you need?
Don't drag my love around volcanoes melt me down

What I am to you is not real
What I am to you you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for what I give to you
Is just what i'm going through
This is nothing new
No no just another phase of finding what I really need
Is what makes me bleed
And like a new disease she's still too young to treat
Volcanoes melt me down
She's still too young
I kissed your mouth
You do not need me

I'm sad... again. I've drunk almost half-bottle of limoncello. I love limoncello... One of my dogs, the small one is asleep on my lap, it's so sweet) But I'm still sad, cause my future seems kinda bleak, I'm not doing the job connected to my speciality, I'm alone... hence bleak future...I really wanna move somewhere... right now I'm thinking usa or australia but i don't have the money and i'm not sure on what terms...scholarship? internship? how? so i'm sad(

I know I haven't written here in a while, basically I was working. So... 2012, all in all was a pretty good year:
- I went to Italy...twice
- I graduated university
- We've got ourselves a second dog)))
- I've done some reevalutaion process
- Marina and Leo got married))
- I've found a job, it's not ideal, but not so bad
- I've met some great people
- I've tried some new things
- Discovered some great bands to listen to and authors to read

I'm looking forward to 2013, I hope it'll turn out great, I already know I'm gonna travel)) And it feels good, I love this feeling of anticipation)) I hope you all will have a great New Year and your midnight wishes will come true)) Happy New Year!!!
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When they talked her eyes were wide
As a wildcat's in the night
She seemed hard-pressed for air
So he calmed her and smoothed her hair
They sat under the carport light
Then they kissed and held each other tight

Their hearts held a thousand stars
Trembling in her small town yard
He had a plan to slip away
She said no, tonight it's okay.
Things inside will run their course.
If i'm not there it would get much worse
It could all come down on my sister
He'll worry and miss her
But he knows when cornered
A wildcat will fight

Those born foreign to flight, they say
Teenage kids can't get it right
They don't know some older sisters
He'll worry and miss her
But he knows when cornered a wildcat
He'll worry and miss her
But he knows when cornered
A wildcat will fight

"For me hotness was a complicated matter, involving brains, humor, and some other things..."(IA)

Unknown, talk to unknown
Ever, lasts forever
Well, it's a shock, shock to your soft side
Summer moon, can't you shut eye
In your room, in my room
In your room, in my room

Louder, lips speak louder
Better, back together
Still it's a shock, shock to your soft side
Summer moon, can't you shut eye
In my room, in your room
In my room, in your room

Hey, it's the time, it's the day, don't leave me
It's the time, it's the place, don't leave me
It's the time, it's the day, don't leave me
It's the time, it's the place, don't leave me out
Leave me out, leave me out, leave me out

Do you know how sometimes you feel superior to other people? Well, I feel superior and smarter than my parents, which is true only in some cases, but basically totally absurd... Oh, and I have this urge to answer "I don't give a fuck" to whatever they ask.
I'm annoyed all the time, I can't find a job, and I take it out on them, cause lately I don't go anywhere and just stay at home. I know that they're not the reason for my mood, I am annoyed with myself...which sounds really stupid and makes me feel like I'm not 22, but a whiny 16, and that annoys me even more... I wanna do smth, but as always I'm being lazy, insecure and sad...
Ok, that's about it.
Stupid, isn't it?

В воскресенье взяли щенка)) Тоже корги-кардигана, Плюшкина сестра родила 8, и мы взяли девочку, ее племяшку. Назвали Фрося, чудеснейшее создание, когда не писает на ковер, очень уверенная, первым делом как ее привезли, взяла Плюшину кость, потащила ко мне в комнату (которую сразу пометила, кхм) и легла грызть, ошарашенная Плюша подошла ее понюхать и она ее обгавкала)) Плюша все еще немного ревнует, когда ее кто-то гладит и Фроська подходит понюхать, то она сразу скалится на нее, но в целом вторая собака в доме ей только на пользу. Плюшка стала более активной, сейчас уже часто заигрывает с Фроськой, хотя та все еще больше интересуется костями и покусыванием рук, моих волос и облизыванием лиц, к тому же Фроська не из трусливых, в отличие от Плюшки, и если наша взрослая собака прячется, услышав любой громкий звук, то мелкая наоборот сразу идет на проверку))) Не могу дождаться, когда у нее встанут оба уха и она наконец сможет сама запрыгивать и спрыгивать с дивана, ну и конечно перестанет прописывать все ковры в доме.
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Devoured Kalayna Price's Alex Craft novels in 3 days. Now that I have free time on my hands I've been reading all the books I downloaded during my thesis-rage, some were quite good, like Firelight by Kristen Callihan and First Bitten by Samantha Towle, now I'm onto Jess Haines series that I discovered along with Alex Crft novels when the most recent books in both series came out, I think I'll add them both to my looooong list of series to keep up with...I really wish most of the writers did trilogies...
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I've been feeling inexplicably sad lately, my moments of joy are brief and superficial, the sadness goes deeper, I don't know why. I feel lost, alone, without purpose. I love my friends, but I can't help but shut them out. Have you ever talked over a conversation in your head, but when you met the person you wanted to have it with, you didn't wanna say anything anymore? I've been doing that so often lately, wanted to open up, but when the time came I lost my resolve. And I've never felt so vulnerable, I used to be so thick-skinned and now when something negative happens I just crumble. Or maybe I was just lying to myself and actually always been that way.
My birthday is in 2 days, I'm gathering my friends but I don't feel as excited as I should be, my mother bought me tickets to Rome for september, and why am I not as ahppy as I thought I would be?
Well, one thing I can say honestly and with great certainty - music makes everything better.

I got 5 for my thesis, and we finally met, and I got totally drunk, and surprise! no...shit I posred it....welll now I really wanna sleep(and u don't wanna know how mush it took to write this right)

There's an article about fairytales on Deviant Art it's good, but I coulnd't help but comment, since I love fairytales, that was my comment, I just want to preserve it here:

"Wow, seeing that Top Bedtime Stories list just made me realise how unique all the storytelling is in every country and it's culture, because I didn't read nor was read to any of this books except Wind in the Willows when I was little.

But I've always loved fairytales. And let me tell you, Russian fairytales are rather different from others, like ones written by Charles Perrault, Hans Christian Andersen and Brothers Grimm. I still have a book "Magic Ring" written by Andrey Platonov, and there was some gruesome stories about how the brother chopped his sister's arms off (i don't recall why) but they appeared when she needed to protect her son in the war that she went to, dressed as a man. So there you go. My parents didn't hide that book from me, and I didn't grow up violently chopping people's arms off.

And also, you have to differentiate the fayritales written by someone, from folklore tales, that aren't even mentioned above, and those were way more scary, I have a few fairytales anthologies one of them is the anthology of Karelian fairytales and also most of them were scary as *hit I couldn't stop until I read them all, there were storylines there similar to Cinderella and other tales that have their own interpretations in different folkores.

About Disney, I loved it too, but when I watched The Little Mermaid, it was after I've seen the russian cartoon that had the real ending with the mermaid basically killing herself and becoming sea foam, so I always knew that Disney fairytales were the sweetened versions, but at least I had something to compare to, because at that time in Russia the art of animated film was on its prime and they made lots and lots of beautiful cartoons based on fairytales. I don't know if there was such diversity in US for example, so I grew up not only on Disney and Ninja Turtles.

Nevertheless it was because of Disney's "Beauty and the Beast", that this fairytale became my favourite and because it's one of the traditional fairytales, there are many many different versions of it. The russian version is called "Crimson Flower" (or Vermillion if you like) and there too was a beautiful cartoon based on it. When I grew up and learned english I've read as many Beauty and the Beast retellings I could find and the best yet is "Beauty" by Robin McKinley and "Heart's Blood" by Julliet Marilliet.

There was another two I really loved because of the russian movie and cartoon based on it. It's "Donkeyskin" written by Perrault, and "King Thrushbeard" by Grimm, if you haven't read it, do. There is an unimaginable amount of fairytales, and it pains me sometimes that most of the people know only those, Disney or Pixar cartoons were based on, or the ones adapted in the movies (although I can't wait to see "Snow White and the Huntsman"), and most of their authors are being forgotten along with fables and folklore stories that each country has."