our life is so short. we are so insignificant. so i dont care about anything in this life, even about myself. i just wanted to be with somebody, who will be with me always. i know its a never never land to live happy all your life with a man and know no sorrow. people used to get tired of each other. and anyway i wanted to be with you all my life. to become a part of you. i think its beautiful. i dont want to be useful for the society, i dont want to make good to mankind or whatever. i thought it was so beautiful to be together. in spite of all. i didnt think the distance was too hard to overcome. im not stupid, you arent either. i didnt think we wouldnt be able to make money to live on, especially together. now you think im weird? well, i also think it looks so. you called me perfect. i never liked it actually. im not perfect. to be perfect is awful, i dont want it. you said i deserve the best, but i dont deserve you. theres something wrong, dont you think so?

you know, i hate loneliness. you are so happy that you have your friends. and a boyfriend now. i dont have anybody. im perfect, aint i? oh why should you care about me. about what i say now. im really too weird. i have never had sex. isnt it too weird? i have never kissed. fuck, you see, all people like me at first, but then see that im way too weird, nobody actually likes me. fuck, really why should you care now. you can go on without me. no. please.

do you want to know what plans i had on you? i wanted to meet and see how we liked each other and then i was ready to stay in poland even that year. or i was ready to wait till we finish studying and if we wanted to live in russia, i wanted to move to saint-petersburg. or any other country, if you knew where we could live. i was ready to marry you.
i think its so scary what ive just written. but yeah, i really thought so.

you know these stupid letters make me feel better. i just dont need to put dots in the end of each phrase. my heart feels better.

and you know i still dont think that falling in love through internet is bad. i think it has many adventures before meeting in live. the only merit of it its that it can end like it did in my case.

dont lie to me. if you have ever loved me, respect me. you may dont care about me, but i care about you. i want the truth.

i feel so easy now.

im loyal, and im ready to be forever if im loved. will you ever find a sucker like that in poland? that will love you the same?

Ive heard a story recently. its about a boy. he studied in our university, on my faculty. In the first year he met a girl from another town, not far from Orel, about 3 or 4 hour trip. they fell in love with each other and he went to her every week. but then they realised that they coulndt continue it that way. so he moved to her town, after half a year. they got married.

im such a sucker. actually its girls who dream about love and marriage, so funny. *smile* i must have scared you already. im scared too.

You see, this world has lots to offer but in time it will go dark

its vital for me to know whether you dont love me or you do, but think that we must part, cause its impossible for you and for us. love me is you want me to be your first, to spend days with only me, to marry me and sometimes have a feeling like you want to have a baby from me. fuck. what am i hoping for? too late.

i dont want your apologies. i just want to know what you feel. only the truth. and what had happened during that two weeks, from our last talk in April. and everything about your boyfriend.

i knew that maybe we were making a mistake, and that it might turn out very dangerous, loving each other so hard. but you convinced me in your love and that you wouldnt leave me. so i loved you. im not like others, i just cant be like others, i made myself in this way and i cant change it now. or maybe can, but i dont want, if im with you. i knew i can hurt you so many times and i didnt do some things that i could do, like fuck other girls and have fun with them. are you afraid of being not like others? of being alone, when everybody around fucks each other, getting drunk? you want to be the same? do you get fun of it? you will change love for this? change happiness of being with one man through your life? but you arent alone, you found me. tell me what can be better than love?

do you think that anybody wouldnt like to be with one man through all his life? maybe only stupid people wouldnt.

why i say that you change love? how can you change it if you dont love.

fuck.

the worst thing is that i cant fuck anybody, but you.
the worst thing is that when i see a girl i think of you.
the worst thing is that even if he is your first, i wont be able to reject you.

stop kissing you boyfrriend im here dying.... write me fucking message...even with the driest words that will hurt me even more... useless shit i am... just trash in a trash bin... yes i was stupid but dont leave me... please...
im not your only one?...anymore...
i really wish some accident happend to me... a car... a brick over my head... whatever... i have been wishing for that for a long time, but never as strong as i wish it now...

why am i not like others?... why do i need to go to extremes?... why did i gave you my heart?.... everyone said that you shouldnt trust anyone... and i thought that i was lucky... special... that i found a special girl... that we were special... you were special... only one... fate?... it was fate?... i thought it was fate that we met... special... speacial girl... for me... only one... in this world... that i dont want to live in...

you go to cinema with him... kiss him during the movie and then fuck in the park after it... he will be your first... and i will die here alone...alone...
how could you say such things?... how could you do it?... how can you fuck him now?... you said you were only mine forever...love has gone?... love... write me fucking message... say you want me back... ohh fuck... why do i say me?... say that you love me still... that you want to fuck wiht me... for the rest of your life... nights long

you need such time in your life?... your life?... i fucking dont care about my life... i wanted to be with you only... only this... i dont care if i dont fuck any girl in my life... i wanted you to be my first and only... fuck it sounds soo stupid... is there a girl that will ever say so? first and only?... that will think the same?... everybody needs such time in his fucking life... i thought i found a special girl... my love from above... angel... you were my angel... too late.. lost

i wish you could watch it
i wish you felt the same what i feel about it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXN0BuCnErc

you were the best what had ever happened to me...

i only can ask you to give me and us one more chance...this summer... and then... then... you will know for sure...

we were two hearts that felt the same... love...

its me... your lover... its me... your sweetheart... only one... that will never leave you... never let go... that will always be with you... help you... only one...

never let go...
never let go....
i will never let you go...
i will stand up with you forever...
if you only care about me...

my angel...
my angel...
my sweetie...
tigress...
my girl...
my little girl...
i will never let you go...

you are my heroin... heroine...

you are the one i want for the rest of my days...

you know i often want to be by myself, most of the time actually... but never without you... cause you are a part of me...
i would be afraid of nothing if i was with you... i would worry about nothing if i was with you... only not to be parted with you... not to lose you... never lose...

all my pain would mean nothing if i got you... all days and nights left behind wouldnt mean a thing... all the tears would be sweet... because i would finally be with you... i would be careless... free... finally only with you...

you deserve someone closer and better... to take care of you... be happy...

do you remember what i cant forget??

i feel like all the bad things of this world would disappear if i were in your arms...


i would love if i could hold you even if we argued...


if you were angry i would kiss you everytime...
she: i love you...


i dont know why, but sometimes i feel the same without a reason... maybe it happens when you feel it too the same moment..
she: it's so sweet that you say so...maybe yes..
i felt it when you werent here..
she: and now..?
maybe yes..
she: i belong to you...
this made my heart warm...and soft... i love you too...


she: i want you to carry me to bed...
ok..
she: won't you feel sad..? i'm just so tired...
i feel sad cause you are so far away...
she: but i'm yours...


i dont know... i cant sleep if i listened to it, only cry (
she: my sweetheart...( don't listen...and when i'll be there i'll kiss your tears off...
im yours... my everything...
you look so beautiful on those photos... i cant stand looking at them...
she: so don't...but remember i am for you...
im looking anyway...
she: you are sweet...
you are so fragile i want to hold you...
she: am i...?
and so sweet... and sexy.. everything i could dream about...


i will stroke your hair and your cheek and kiss you sweet...
she: my boy...you always know what i want...
maybe cause i love you... i love you
she: cause you are my only one... i love you too..


im scared...
she: of what..?
that you will leave me ;(
she: you are what i always dreamt of...i love everything about you...i could never..( don't cry...i need only you...nobody else...
i depend on whether you will want me or not... and if not...
she: i want you...
i swear...you are the best for me...
she: i don't trust anyone as much as i trust you...


arent you tired of me?...
she: what..?((
i dont know if you like all the onnly stupid things i say...
she: you don't say stupid things...i love what you say...it makes me smile... you are so romantic...it makes me feel special...


goodnight sweetheart...=* remember that i love you..;(


she: are there many girls in your group now..?
7.. from 11..
she: many... they're nice..?
just ok... i want you...
she: i know you would never...
she: but i'll always be jealous...


she: if you think so...so can i tell you such things..?
tell me all things...
she: you are the sweetest...i feel so warm with you... what are you thinking about now...?
i think that you are my sweetest girl... i feel so easy with you...
she: you make me smile...
i love it.. =*


she: i feel so much when i think about you...
so much what, girl?...
she: so much all...love..happiness..desire..safety..warm..still a bit of fear and sadness...but you fill my heart...


she: would you whisper to me..?
yes...
she: what..?
that you are sweet... and that i want to kiss you everywhere...
she: my boy...=*
and then i would kiss your lips with passion... =*
she: you know exactly what i want...=*
you are my sweet girl =*
she: wow..i didn't even realise the time passing... i want to be with you always...


i would help you... what have you cleaned?...
she: apartment in general...you know dusting and so on...you really would...?
yes...
she: i could do it for you...
i prefer doing together...
she: so i could wear something nice for you to look at...
you always try to seduce me...my ыучнююю sexy...
she: do you like it...?
it makes me feel so sweet... i would embrace and kiss you everytime...
she: i want to feel you always... you are an angel...mine...
my girl... =* you are my only one...
she: tell me what you are thinking about...
im thinking about you again.. and always... i need you..
she: do you think you could be..happy beside me...?
only with you... i always think about us together...
she: my boy...i feel the same...=*


what do you want us to do together?...
she: i want to do everything with you...if there's nothing to do i would be happy just to lay beside you and look into your eyes...


she: sweetheart...it will be all ok...you'll have me...
i dont know (
she: i want you...i'm yours if you want me...


yes... and what would we do during the day?...
she: we can walk around the city...if the weather's fine we can go on a beach too...you could swim...) or to cinema..or some shops...or just stay in bed whole day and enjoy each other...
thats dream...


what do you want me to do?...
she: everything you want...i want to feel your desire...and that i'm completely yours...


she: no...tell me that you want me as i am...not perfect...
i want you...i want that girl on those photos... you are perfect girl for me...
she: and you will take care of me...?
yes, anytime...if you need
she: i need you...
i would kiss every place that hurts...
she: my sweet...and if i wanted a kiss when it wouldn't hurt..?
i would kiss you...


im sorry;((( i have only you;(((
she: stop crying...i am for you... i would hold you so Читать далее...

remember how you said you would never let me go... remember how you said you would never leave me... you have said that so many times...you said you would never give up on me...never... i trusted you...fully...blindly...

you know what status do you have in your previous account?... used17... it says 'always in my heart'...every time entering icq i look at it... i dont know what for... i loved to know that i was in your heart... it meant the world to me... meaning of life?...

remember how i said i would never leave you... remember how strong i wanted to take care of you... how i felt that you are having your days... i think i felt when you cried at nights... how we felt each other... i still feel how much pain you feel now... remember how jealous we got... so easily... though we were so far away from each other... you called me kitty... i loved it so much... i called you tigress...

remember the latest new year night... do you remember?... what were we doing... and what you said after it...

yes it was hard... it had always been hard... and i told you that i have experienced the same as you have... when everybody is partying and im alone... that im bound to you... im so old... nevertheless i thought it was happiness... i was sure it was... and i was happy... i knew my heart wasnt alone...

im terribly sorry for my mistakes... i was so selfish... i know i treated you not good... you wasnt deserving how i treated you... but i loved you, i hope you dont doubt it... i loved you more than life...i wasnt enslaved... i loved you, but not because you loved me... i wasnt living for you, i was living because i had you... and i knew that i was treating you awful... i knew, but was too selfish to change it... i just couldnt...wasnt able to...physically... i wasnt realising how much you meant to me... you think im perfect... but im not at all...nither physically nor mentally...far from...
now i think im changing... i know how it sounds... but i think i am... i have started to talk to my parents, though they are gone now... and im all alone in my flat... im thinking more about other people than i used to think... its something to begin with... im trying...

i think i understood you... i have told you that i felt the same this autumn... that the depression was awful... maybe you was just stronger than me to say what i have already known... remember when once i was crying that we would never be together, i cried if we were going to wait 5 years or maybe more and you said that we would overcome it, you said we would visit each other often... i believed... i was so afraid to lose you...

i was so stupid not to share all the small things with you, though i wanted to share every time... i was stubborn... i would never repeat my mistakes if i had a chance to... remember how you said that love is not only possessing, its friendship... i loved you as you were... slim and tall, blonde, sexy, sweet and very smart, pretty girl... i was really content with you... you were my image of a perfect girl... i was just selfish... demanding... and i knew that it was wrong to demand... it was selfishness... too late... how stupid... i think its how i was raised...

in autumn i realised that thing about love... that its something from above... its a gift... i remembered how it was that first night... we werent talking about anything special... we werent seeing each other or whatever...so it couldnt be even so called 'love at first sight'... at the beginning we even didnt know that we were a boy and a girl... but i felt something that very night... i have thought about it so many times... i have heard about cases when people met through dating sites or something like that and fell in love... but when two met in some 'soulseek' by such an impossible luck, and even not seeing each other and not knowing how each other looks, spend so much time together... more than half a year had passed before they saw each other... soulseek...you sought my soul... it couldnt be for nothing... im still sure it couldnt be... too much for this... true love... stupid i am?...

and though i was weak to say what i felt that autumn... recollections of that night gave me strength... i remembered how many times you said 'never'... i decided that i needed to go on... to keep it up... that even if it was that hard...it was love and it was beautiful in spite of everything... maybe more beautiful and romantic than anybody had ever had...

i decided that even if i wouldnt be able to bear it any longer, at last we had to meet and see... and then maybe decide something...

fuck...i have never even heard the voice of yours...that one talk was so horribly long time ago...its terrible...i miss it...i have been missing your voice all the time since that talk... shame i havent told you this before... its been so many years... its been so many feelings.. strong and mad...

i have read all our conversations last night... they are everything we had... Читать далее...

and now not so coolminded...

you said it wasnt a game for you... but now it has automatically turned to be a game...and im your toy... now im miserable and i was just sad, but happy... i thought we are Romeo and Juliette... stupid... i thought my life was happy and i had been born happy and lucky... really i thought so... that latest photos... i was smiling... i was happy...

you think i havent thought about the same as you?... i have...i think that even too much...and i have had come to what you said to me, just the same... it was this autumn... that two months... your love made me believe... it did...
those thoughts... they didnt manage to stop me... and every day i realised and i still do realise things that you said to me... that even if we like each other, its hard to be together... and im still lost cause of them...
but when i thought about you, about your kisses, about your love to me and that you needed me... i felt that i should go on...that finally we would make it out... and be happy... read my letter, that i sent to you not long time ago.. 'Hi my girl I was thinking much about what I can write to you'... the last paragraph... 'you love me, I don’t have words….'
read our conversation on 14/04/2009, please...
now tell me...what has changed?...


ohh im empty...i think i m gonna faint
i have been off for so long... for more than two hours...

i tried to be coolminded...there is...

you said you want to make mistakes... they say its a dull life if you dont make mistakes... i agree with it... love is a gift.. i think its not the thing to make mistakes about... time shows that everyone wished he didnt make mistakes about love in his life... anything but love... they say betrayal...the most awful what can be... i have known about betrayal for a long time, thats why i didnt hesitate that i should be strong and wait for you...

i know, i have said it many times, but... the most essential thing is to be together...i think its a gift...lovers... like a life...

our sms messages after i was absent. this autumn.

I miss you.. every day, you are only one in my heart.. I need you, but Im afraid Ive spoiled everything too bad.. ;( Im sorry about everything bad I did to you, I want to hope you are ok I just want you to know that I love you.

Say at least if you are ok.. only two words, please. Im dying without you ;(

please ;( Im so sorry...

I miss you bad... Im sorry I was so stupid ;( I hope you havent forgot about me completely.

Dont leave me, you gave me everything to breathe about ;((


I wont ever leave you... Im so sorry for all... I just needed to think... My heart is dying without you..;( I will always love you..dont you forget that =*


I am always with you...you can always count on my helping hand...you are always in my heart and mind =*


I need you so much..only you... Your words are so full of love...=* You make me life worth living...thank you..=* Im here for you too...please tell me how are you.. Its been so long


I only want to be with you and worry all the time if you are ok... I miss you so =* to tears.. How are you?


My sweethart..=* Dont you cry because of me... Im ok..just need you so..Im so happy that you talk to me again...=* I miss you too...what are you doing..?


Im so happy that you didnt leave me... I want to be with you everyday =* I love your kisses so much, I would never change them for anything =* Im doing my latin homework, and you, my sweet?


So you should get more of them.. =* =* =** I woulddnt ever leave the one I love...=* Im doing my homework too, maths and biology..but Im falling asleep on it..


=* Then you should go to bed now, sleep tight =* my only one


If you say so...=* Dont stay up for long too... Goodnight my dear...=* Sweetest dreams to you..=*


____
Good morning my boy..=* How was your night..?


Im so sorrry, I didnt notice the phone earlier.. I was thinking about you =* I need you so much... my girl.. My sleep was ok.. but without you.. How are you? Do you feel alright?


Yeah..just so exhausted...and the weather here is just terrible...Imissed you in bed too...I keep dreaming of you.. You make me feel so warm in heart..=* me dear..=*

Настроение сейчас - Too Late, No Friends

What does it mean for you to be unique?

The word 'unique' comes from latin 'unicum', which means 'the only one of its kind'. So uniqueness is an extreme degree of extraordinarity, but for me it's not so black and white.
To tell the truth, I don't like the word 'unique' very much, I take it as too pathetic one. Nevertheless, speaking in a general way we certainly can call every single person unique, since everybody is special in a natural meaning. I mean, even twins are different. But here is where uniqueness of a great majority of people ends for me, because I can't call a person unique only for his genotype. I suppose a unique person is the one who posseses some features that have meaning for society. That's why statement like 'all people are unique' are silly for me. Though everyone thinks he is unique for sure, maybe somebody else is not, but he is. So for me to be unique means to have something... unique. It's really hard to define.
Personality is given to us be society, it's like clothes. Personality is not individual, for me it's social, because society hides our individualities and gives us personality. So speaking about uniqueness in this clue is not right at all.
We can devide people into many groups according to anatomic, political, ethnic and other attributes, but everyone has his own motivation when doing something. Here we can talk about uniqueness in some meaning, but about a very approximate uniqueness. We can also speak about uniqueness saying that there is no and never will be the second person who feels the same as somebody else or who makes the same move the same second or whatever.
In conclusion, as I can't sum it up, I will сompare people with snowflakes and lifetime with time of falling from the sky. Every snowflake is different from others and each of them has its own trajectory of falling, but does it make them unique?? Yes, if you wish. I wouldn't call it so anyway.

this is what i've spent several hours of my saturday on..yeah.. just accidently needed to type it, so it's posted here

все просто
либо ты делаешь либо нет
ведь life is about doing the progress not the result
кто если не ты? когда если не сейчас??

.

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я пессимист бля
дада
сколько себя помню, всегда так было. готовлюсь всегда к худшему. хотя в душе знаю, что все зависит от меня, и в конце все будет лучше чем я ожидал, потому что ожидаю я действительно провала)) дело в том, что когда ждешь много, а получаешь меньше или совсем ничего - это самое неприятное что может быть, ну для меня по-крайней мере.. иногда так досадно, что хочеться сломать что-нибудь, разбить обстену, порвать и выбросить.

умная, непосредственная, добрая, веселая, артистичная, соблазнительная, сексуальная, немного инфантильная, случайная, тонкая, мудрая, любопытная, сильная, удивляющая, непредсказуемая, независимая, романтичная, творческая, сладкая, самая лучшая, моя

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В колонках играет - This Is The Hospital

Настроение сейчас - что то случилось?

бля.. голова болит, давно не писал.. новости не хочу рассказывать.. пока,поэтому не писал. зацените парнягу, опасныйкадр)

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меня воротит от общения с людьми(((что за херня еще такая(((чувствую себя одиноко((( да все нормально ...
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что это за парни такие? а я сам не в курсе ..