"Hey, seriously, honestly, this is just between you and me guys, but Tom's dad really did have butt sex with his sister."
"Tom's little sister was a virgin until her dad came back home and fucked her in the ass."
"Hey Tom look... this dude is calling us sellouts. HELLO. You just paid 20 bucks to see us!"
"I suffer from immature ejaculation." -mark "So... you have orgasms on underage kids?! That's so sick. Mark is so fucking sick." -tom "Hey, I'm a master." -mark
"A lot of guys like to fantasize about having sex with 2 girls at the same time... I like to fantasize about having sex with the same girl twice, thank you."
"I finally found true love... I bought a hamster, and I've never felt emotions this deep before."
"Dude, you ever try to buy $500 of heroin with a third-party out-of-state check?"
"You know what's really embarassing? When you go to the emergency room and you have to convince the doctor that you slipped and fell on the G.I. Joe - and explain why it was lubricated"
"I wish they had weiner farms, cause then maybe I could get a bigger one"
"Fuck, I hope I get laid this year! Please God Please!" UC2: Harder, Faster, Faster, Harder
"I think this record's gonna sell probably five or six records..." UC2: Harder, Faster, Faster, Harder"
"Instead of fighting with our fists or guns or knifes or anything, we fight using dance" Making of All The Small Things Video
"What a crappy deal I've got"
Making of All The Small Things video, when he saw Travis making out with a gorgeous woman, Mark got a dog...
"I didn't get the wrong side of the deal, at least I get to stay dry"
Making of All The Small Things video when Travis and the woman rolls out in the water, obviously they get wet, Mark is dry...
"Have you seen my pants anywhere?"
Mark is running around on the All The Small Things set and, for once, want to get dressed...
"No, I had to do this thing when I had to put a cucumber in my pants"
Mark was upset when filming All The Small Things and called his mom...
"Let's hear it for blow jobs, people."
"We are not a stars. We are all just dorks in a band"
"I do not have a girlfriend, I have a dog."
"We play poopy poppy punk like stuff"
"I think age is just a stupid number."
"We want people to take care of there butts, because we have to make sure they're clean."
"Look at me... look at me... I need the attention, oooh I'm punk rock I got some tattoos, I got some piercings. If I'm gonna get some piercings then I want everyone to see it...I don't need to advertise my punkness. A real punk doesn't need to show off...Its like a Karate man... the Karate man bleed on the inside. A real punk is punk on the inside."
"Our favorite things in the world are pee-pee and doo-doo."
"They always want to see how big our penises are."
"Tom works out everyday on tour, dude."
"Disney movies are fuckin' bitching."
"Hard work, studying and perseverance will get you no where in life......it's all about kissing ass"
"Nothing's uglier or stupider looking than a naked guy, and making a video out of that was a little uncomfortable and fun at the same time."
"Alright if I had to sleep with a man it would be Harrison Ford, alright?" The Urethra Chronicles
"My lady did my nails.....they even have sparkles, see?"
Mark - "How do you do these?" (Girls overalls)
Tom - "Like you don't know!" Making Man Overboard
"I'm the sexiest person here.....I am very masculine" - Mark with the girls overalls on.
"Okay, someone didn't wear deodorant today!"
Some guy - "Mark, any last words before your show?"
Mark - "The last thing I wanna do tonight is a show. I just wanna go home."
Some guy - "Dude, that's what you said last night!"
Mark - "That's what I say every night."
"Tom likes to stick small pieces of furniture up his ass"
"Tom is making love with men.....right now."
"However... the prognosis of Tom's canker sore is pretty much the same as the prognosis about his penis. It's not the biggest one Dr. Bruce has seen but it's the placement of it that bothers him." The Urethra Chronicles
"We've done the same things that we were doing in the beginning, and we never wanted our band to stay small. I mean, we want our band to be as big as it can, and I'm not going to die wondering about some kid that calls us a sell-out at a show. I don't have a problem being on MTV, and I don't have a problem being on the radio. I actually like it. So there. And anyone that calls me a sellout is just jealous."
"Take it from me because I learned the hard way: circumcisions are best left to professionals." Rolling Stone interview
"See, my mom sings about transvestites! I'm not the crazy one!"
Mark when his mom sings Transvestite on MTV's Road Home - Blink 182
"Make yourself do something stupid so when you really do something stupid you won't feel so bad" Making All The Small Things
"I think that the whole Y2K thing will be
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