Why is it always like this when I am waiting for him he never comes. I am so tired of such relationship.
Yesterday he wrote me that he was sad. What did he mean? He was sad without me or he was simply sad?
And if he is sad without me why doesn't he come out? Why is he trying my patience? And if he is sad so what- he knows perfectly that I am here and waiting for him.
It just seems to me that I am nothing but a pleasant and interesting pastime for him.
"My girl it is always so interesting for me to be with you" He always says so. "You are very intelligent and beautiful"
So many words. Why all these words? Why won't he say that he loves me. Simply loves. Interesting what does this word mean for me here. What does "love" mean here.
My feelings are the same. I miss him a lot when he is not here. I am so happy when he appears.
I don't need anyone here when he is not here. Actually, I come here only because of him. I spend a whole night in front of the screen waiting for him. To say hi. And at the same time when he appears and I say hi to him I feel good right away.
And not just good I feel happy. Why? These are only letters!!!! Letters on the white background.
May be because I charge every letter with my love. I share my love with him.
May be I transfer my love to him through these letters. And I like to give him love. I wonder if he feels that it is not a simple "hi". That this "hi" means "love ".
And may be these are nothing but words for him? Just like all the other "hi" he receives every day.
May be he has someone to whom he writes "hi" and puts something more into this word.
However when he writes "hi" to me I feel that he loves me and I am in the seventh heaven!
May be I just invented it all . So complicated
He appeared. He is somewhat cold today. May be he is simply busy. May be he is at work.
Then why did he write "hi" to me. If he can't talk why does he talk. I am waiting to talk to him.
I've been waiting here for 3 hours already. And he says only yes, no. Won't even smile.
Oh, and what if it is not him. He behaves strangely.
I can't even think about it what if he has someone. There are only two of us in our world.
It sometimes seems to me that he has hundreds of girls like me.
He told me about someone several times. I always pretended that I was interested but I wanted to crush our world. Why does he make me suffer. Why all this.
I have already forgotten the smell of spring. The most important thing for me is this life. The life where he exists. The second life.
LJ