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Today is my host dad's 50 birthday.
We went out to eat to a very nice restaurant "The Logs Cabin". They have really good seafood there. Yummi!!!!
Than at home we all gave him presents and had cake and ice-cream.
I wonder what my life will be like when I'm 50? What about you?

Today I sayed home sick.
Tomorrow I'm going to New York for a day! I'm been waiting for it forever.
Hope I'll feel better or at least not worse.
Talked to my mommy and my best-in-the-whole-world friends. They are amazing.
The weather is really nice, too much thoughts and drama with M, he started to think about me leaving coz he tryed to avoid it for a long time, doesn't work anymore.... Sadly, I wanna be optimistic.
Talking about future, I know my love is forever.
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calling again and again.
finally decide to live a message.
Hey babe! What’s going on? Where Are you so late? We gotta talk, coz I feel kinda sorry I left like that. We’re fine, right? I’ll talk to you tomorrow I guess. Love you. Bye.
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I'm going to NewYork this Saturday!!!!
I've been waiting for it since Christmas.
But now I'm sick, so it's not that exciting, hopefully I'll get better.
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today I had a tennis match so (there is a rule) I had to dress up - wearing pretty, official clothes.
so tomorrow I'm gonna make a Comfy Day for myself.
I'll wear jeans and a t-shirt. And mu convers.
YEAY!!!!!!

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It was a good day today. Definetely! Though I still feel very sick...
I had a tennis match today and I won! I'm so happy! We played Masoponix High School, and I remember last time we played them - I lost.
So I was very happy to win, it feels great!!!! I won 10:8. The girl I played was really good, she played well and had a lot of powerful shots.
I was very nervous though. Because my friends came.
M came and I was just glowing with happiness. My friend Jasmin came, M's sister came for a little while, coz she is a cheerleader and had to go to practice or a game - something like that. Also my friend Jassica came and the other girl who has a crash on M. Yeap! She is deffinetely in love with my boyfriend. She follows him everywhere and stuff like that. It's ok. She is not the only one like that actually. Oh, come on! M is in track, he does a lot of sports and he looks good, he's a great friend and everyone knows him. yeah... It's alright with me. I'm kind of this way too, so we match...))))))
So it felt reaaaaly good to win in front of the people who came to see my game.
Everything's good, but I'm tired and feel like crap but now I'm just gonna take a shower and go to bed.
Tomorrow is another day...

I realized I had a friend I haven't thought for months. Rachel.
She came to my game tonight. I was glad. She is one of those people I can talk to.
She said - if something happens call me and I come and take you out, call me even if it's late and I'm probably sleeping...
Sweet!

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I cleaned and washed and vacumed.
Finally done.
Fortunately, there is no homework this time.
No breakfast today. I don't feel like eating.
Feel sick.
My theory - you get sick when you feel horrible inside. Or you have personal reasons.
I think I do.
I remember my mom used to say that little kids get sick sometimes because they need attention.
I feel like a little kid right now. I need attention. I do!
I'm slowly falling apart for a few days now. Hopefully it won't get worse.

I just wanna lie on the bed and somebody to care about me. Bring me a blanket, some tea maybe and give me a hug. I don't wish for more then that.

PS I just dream too much I guess.......

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Woke up in the dark room. I can see clouds through the tiny window.
Yesterday before going to sleep till 2 in the morning I was making plans and knew what I was gonna do tomorrow. And here is tomorow. I'm not sure my plans were right, but I'm gonna do it anyways...
Gotta do my chores - cleaning and vacuming.
Tryin to think about something positive, happy and nice. Yesterday sucked. OK well, only the evening did.
Wannna recover from all these feelings I felt yesterday.
That what happens when you spend he evening with people you don'y like.


PS sometimes I feel like my life is a corridor and I have to go straight, I'm not able to turn and go where I want.

Sitting here.
Uploading new pictures from the baseball game to my photoalbum.
They are so "full of sunshine".
If you could only new how much I hate my life right now.
I can't even cry. Just can't.
I'm suffocating.

You take my breath away
You lift me up to the skies
Smile at me in a special way
And make the sun each morning rise

I see someone different now
At the mirror looking back at me
Make me feel so beautiful I wonder how
The whole world in the other light I see

I know you always believe in me
And I’m sure you know who I am
It seems you see right through me
Baby, this time I ain’t gonna pretend

I remember everything you have said
You know, I once fell asleep in your sweater
If I’ve ever ever been mad
Now I think it really doesn’t matter

There is something I want to give you
Please take care of him, ok?
He will be with you when I leave you
I have nothing else to say

it's Saturday!
Feels like Sunday though.
Feel happy thinking about yesterday. Just lie still in bed and recalling all the memories. All the words he said.

by the way
a lot of american girls are mean.
just so you know

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Today was a cool day! Feel so tired right now.
I had M over my house and then we went to get ice-cream. I had a large ice-cream. It was the biggest ice-cream I've ever seen! Seriously!!!!!! It was huge... As long as my hand almost I think. I was eating it thought it was melting it was so much fun and by the end I got so into it. OMG!
Then we went to his house and I wasn't supposed to be there. Because it was just me and him there. And you know what happens when parents are not home.
So we were.. say.. busy and I looked at the clock it was 7:20! And we were gonna go to the party at 7. so I called some people and figured out where was the party.
There were a lot of people. I finally got to talk to my friend Rachel there. She's such a nice girl. I like her.
She was saying that I have so many friends and everyone loves me and that I have Marcel and tennnis going... She doesn't have that many friends. I feel a little bad for her. She has a beautiful old house and a barn with 2 horses. She loves horses and reading.
I invited her over sometime.
Oh, wow! She was the one who told me that I should try out for tennis team.
Sometimes it doen't seem like I have a lot of friends but I don't think like this often. Espessially recently. I have too much going on right now to sit down and be upset about what I don't think I have.

Last weekend was great!
After practice I went over M's house and we were hanging out there.
We don't need anything when we're together, even TV. It's always fun, anyway. We were just laing on his bed, talking about recent events and pointless arguing.
Then my friend Jasmin called me and asked me if I wanna go to the movies with her. M was doing Everything so I'll pay attention to him, so distructing! Then we decided to go .. just us 4: M, me, Jasmin and M's friend who Jasmin really likes.
The movie was great, very funny.
After we were hanging out in the movie theatre till 12,30 at night! I would never be allowed to stay out so late but I went to Jasmin's house after. It was 1 in the morning and we went outside to the pool, it was so much fun! We went to bed around 4....)))listening to music
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Today I don't have school. It feels great to sleep in till 11..
These days are full of different stuff, busy... The 18 i'm going to New York. I think I should be excited, but for some reason I'm not, not really. As well, prom is coming. Right now I'm not really excited about it eather. It's the 26. This month!
Yesterday was M and mine half year anniversary. We didn't do anything because I had to go to the tennis match to Norht Stafford High School. We won! again. We would be undefeated but we only lost once. =)
I fell yesterday. Hurt my leg and almost broke my wrist. Now I can't even lift a glass of water. It hurts to type now too =(
I tripped on the tennis ball before the match during practice.
We have tennis games about 3 times a week, come home late...
Last time M cace to my game. He was there the whole time. He's so amazing! He was there for all 4 hours.

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Это цитата сообщения _graffiti_heart_ Оригинальное сообщение

(:

I love these days coz of him by my side.
I love these days coz of someone who understands and appreciates me.
I'm in love.
Sometimes I just want to stand next to him and not move. At all. I think I could stay like this forever.
I wish I could.
I don't use the word FOREVER.
There is no thing like FOREVER.
Everything has an end - love, life, pain, happiness. Everything has an end.
The only thing that I think is forever is the friendship. Friendship with 2 my very best friends.
But they are less friends now. They are more like family.
It's hard to live without a family, it's hard to live without friends.
But it's not permanent!
It's not forever.

Это цитата сообщения confession_of_a_life Оригинальное сообщение

уууу....здорово каааааак))