Нумбер ван.

Жалоба итальянского туриста директору отеля:

Dear Signore Direttore,

Noew I am tella you story wot I was a-treated at your hotella. I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a-younga Christian man at your hotella. When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed - how can I sleep with no shit in my bed? So I calla down to receptione and tella: I wanta shit. They tella me: Go to toilet. I say: No, no I wanta shit in mу bed. They say: You'd better not shit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch. What is sonna-wa-bitch? I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and egga and two pissis оf toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress, and point at toast: I wanta piss. She tella me: Go to toilet. I say: No, no I wanta piss оn my plate. She then say to me: You'd bloody wella not piss on the plate, you sonna-wa-bitch. That is the second person who do not even know me calla me sonna-wa-bitch, and why is your staff replying: Go to toilet, is that a modern tella? I do no understand, please tella me! Later I go for dinner in your estorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress: I wanta fock. And she tella me: Sure, everyone wanta fock. I tella her: No, no you don't understand me, I wanta fock on the table. She tella me: So you sonna-wa-bitch wanta fock on the table? Get your ass out of here! How canna this Christian hotell tella the guest in such bed manner? So I go to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this hotel no more. When I have paid the a-billa the portier say to me: Thank you, and piss on you. I say: Piss on you too, you sonna-wa-bitch. I now go back to Italy. Direttore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you sonna-wa-bitch.

Sincerely
Dicci Elgre