*Read to the end . . . a new twist to an oldie*
Can you read these right the first time?

1) The bandage was* wound *around the* wound.**
2) The farm was used to* produce produce*.
3) The dump was so full that it had to* refuse* more* refuse*.
4) We must* polish* the* Polish * furniture.
5) He could* lead* if he would get the *lead* out.
6) The soldier decided to *desert* his dessert in the* desert.**
7) Since there is no time like the *present*, he thought it was time
to*present* the* present .* *
8) A* bass* was painted on the head of the* bass* drum.
9) When shot at, the* dove dove* into the bushes.
10) I did not* object* to the* object.**
11) The insurance was* invalid* for the* invalid.**
12) There was a* row* among the oarsmen about how to *row* ..
13) They were too *close* to the door to* close* it.
14) The buck* does *funny things when the* does* are present.
15) A seamstress and a* sewer* fell down into a* sewer* line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his* sow* to* sow.**
17) The* wind* was too strong to* wind* the sail.
18) Upon seeing the* tear* in the painting I shed a* tear.**
19) I had to* subject* the* subject* to a series of tests.
20) How can I* intimate* this to my most* intimate* friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither fromGuinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"

*There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other
two-letter word, and that is **"UP."**
*
*It's easy to understand** UP*, meaning toward the sky or at the top of
the
list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake* UP*?  At a
meeting, why does a topic come* UP*?  Why do we speak *UP* and why are the
officers*UP* for election and why is it* UP* to the secretary to write* UP* a report?

We call* UP* our friends.  And we use it to brighten* UP* a room, polish*
UP* the silver, we warm *UP* the leftovers and clean* UP* the kitchen.  We
lock* UP* the house and some guys fix* UP* the old car .   At other times
the little word has real special meaning.  People stir* UP *trouble,
line*UP* for tickets, work* UP* an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed
isone thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this* UP* is confusing:  A drain must be opened* UP* because it is
stopped UP . We open* UP* a store in the morning but we close it* UP* at night.

*We seem to be pretty mixed** UP* about *UP* ! To be knowledgeable about the
proper uses of* UP*, look the word* UP* in the dictionary.  In a desk-sized
dictionary, it takes *UP* almost 1/4th of the page and can add* UP* to about
thirty definitions. I f you are* UP* to it, you might try building* UP* a list of the many ways *UP* is used.  It will take* UP* a lot of your time, but if you don't give* UP*, you may wind* UP* with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding* UP*.  When the sun comes out
we say it is clearing* UP* ..

*When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things **UP* .
*When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry* *UP* .
*One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it* *UP* , for now my time is *
UP*, so............ it is time to shut *UP* .....!

*Oh . . . one more thing:* *
*
*What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?   ** U-P*