Сначала это
Stin

[показать]

[показать] [показать]

Voice from the off: And now Comedy Master Class presents "The Four Yorkshire Men".

 Eddie Izzard: Ahh. Very passable, that, very passable, indeed.

 Alan Rickman: Aye. You can't beat a good glass of Chateau de Chassilier, yeah.

Vic Reeves: Aye. Who'd a thought forty years ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking Chateau de Chassilier?

 Harry Enfield: Aye.

 Eddie: In them days, we'd a' been glad to have the price of a cup o' tea.

 Alan: A COLD cup o' tea.

 Vic: Without milk or sugar.

 Harry: OR tea!

 Eddie: Or Hermes Sweeteners

 Vic: Or Canesten. You know, we were so poor we couldn't afford a cup. We used to drink our tea out of a buzzing Turk slipper.

 Alan: The best thing that we could do was to suck on a damp rat.

 Harry: Aye. But you knoooow, we were happy in them days, weren't we? Even though we'd been poor.

 Eddie: BECAUSE we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, "Money cannot buy you a nuclear radar system."

 Vic: You know. We used to live in a tiiiny little tumbled down old house, with holes in th' roof.

 Alan: A House? You were lucky to have a HOUSE! We used to live in one room, twenty-six of us, no furniture and half the floor was missing.

 Harry: You were lucky to have a ROOM! We used to live in th' corridor!

 Eddie: Ohhhh we used to DREAM of livin' in a corridor! Would've been a palace to us. We lived in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got wok' up every morning by having a load of Turk slippers dumped all over us!

 Vic: Well when I say "house" it was only a hole in the ground with a dirty rotten old tea towel with a picture of a Yorkshire Terrier eating a Macadamia nut dropped by a passing Heinkel.

 Alan: We were evicted from our Heinkel; we had to go and live in the lake!

 Harry: You were lucky to live in th' LAKE! There were a hundred and fifty of us living in Happy Meal box in th' middle of th' motorway.

 Eddie: Is that a cardboard Happy Meal box?

 Harry: Aye. They were all made of cardboard.

 All: Aye.

 Vic: You were lucky.

 Eddie: We lived for three months in a rolled up corpse in a septic tank. We used to have to wake at six o'clock in the morning, get up unravel the corpse, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down mill - fourteen hours a day week in-week out for sixpence a month. And when we got home, our Dad would thrash us to sleep with his willy!

 Alan: Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at three a.m., eat a handful of hot gravel, and then work twenty hours a day at the mill for tuppence a month, and then Dad would beat us about the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were LUCKY!

 Harry: Aye. Well, of course we had it tough. We used to have to get up out in th' middle of the night, LICK the motorway clean with tongues. From junction one to nineteen including slipways. Then, after a meal of our own shit, we'd go down the mine. I mean, not the mine, ( I am pissed out!) We'd go down th' mill, aye, worked twenty-four hours a day, seven days th' week, for four pence every six years, and when we come home, our Dad would slice us in two with bread knife.

 Vic: RIGHT. I used to get up at half past ten at night in the morning, half an hour before I went to sleep, eat a pile of hot steaming poisonous magma, go to work at mill for twenty-eight hours a day and pay mill owner for privilege of lettin' us work there, and when we got home at night, our father would murder us in cold blood mind. Ah, but then he murders us in cold blood, buries us and dances on our graves singing "Yes, Sir. I can Boogie".

 Eddie: And you try telling the young people of today that and they'll be highly sceptical, ya'.

 ALL: Indeed. Cheers!