I still get asked a lot why did I change my name. For those who do not know the whole story I was born as ALLA KHMELEVA and now I am NATALIYA STRUMILA.
Why? How?
Here is why....
[698x372] [527x699]
I can't tell you how many times I was referred to as Mr. Alla Khmeleva because people thought I am a man. Alla is a popular Russian name but in the USA it is associated with Allah or Muslim God and terrorists and all the crap. I got tired explaining that I am not Muslim and I do not have a male name.
Mom and dad, sorry, but you just did not know that I will end up living in the USA when you gave me a name.
So when I got married I changed both my last and my first name, it took bout 3 years, lots of stress, bribes and bullshit but now it is all said and done.

 I remember how we were explained in English classes in high school in Russia what does the word "self-made man" or "self-made woman' mean. Now I know for sure. I made my name and I made my fortune. There is such a thing as American dream. I came to this country when I was 18 with nothing but desire to learn and study the system. Now 8 years later I have more than I could ever ask and dream of.
Existential question would be though: what am I supposed to do next when I have it all already? I have plenty of time to figure out my plans for the future of cause I want to have kids and strong bonded loving family and I want to see my business grow and become even more profitable. BUT!!! For now let me take a moment to reflect on the past.
I've learnt a lot in the past couple of years about myself and my environment. I see, hear ,feel and think so many different things...... I see why so many American people deal with depression. Many have it all and they get bored out of their minds because they do not have to struggle to survive. In Russia there is no time to stop, it is survival mode: eat or be eaten, starve or figure out a way to make some money. Stress is everywhere you go and it is not safe. Russian people escape into spiritual world or become alcoholic. Life has no value, you could be killed for a dollar or die because of somebody's negligence. There is a lot of abuse anywhere you go. Political, economic, social and natural climate is very hostile and severe. "Life sucks" and you either quit and die or do your best to make it a little better. Very few exceptions exist. There is a world of super rich and super spoiled, 5% of Russian population control just about 95% of national wealth, assets and income. There is a lot of good that I miss but it is another story :-) In the USA people deal with overconsumption, excessive material presence, lack of spirit and spiritual life, pressure to succeed and compete, powerful negative marketing and media, high expectations, debt, "work slavery" and boredom. Of course these are just my negative observations and generalizations but overall this is what I've noticed. In the USA many people work too much and have no life, they are slaves of well marketed desires which are not even true needs. Isolation, materialism and competition are the three worlds that I would apply to the USA. Many people live like horses with blinds on and know to little and see to little and scary enough do not even know enough to change things around. As I have observed in the past 10 years there are very many unhappy people both in Russia and in the USA but there are just as many happy ones. It is possible to avoid the negative and concentrate on the positive. The glass can always be half full. Happiness does not depend on how rich or how poor your are, it does not depend on ones looks. It comes from within and it is always possible to find this happy place inside. I know many happy people on both sides of the world and these are the people I chose to be with and associate myself with. There is such a things as happily ever after. There is love around us! There is success! There is beauty! And I love to find it anywhere I go and in every person I meet along the way. There are many kind, generous, strong, intelligent and beautiful inside and out people. We all come from different places but sooner or later we all make a choice where to stand on a bright or dark side of life. How and why did I get so lucky to take the best of both systems and create a positive synergy of both societies? I do not know but I thank everybody!!! Do I have bad days? Yes, I suffer from a split personality syndrome in every possible way that you can imagine. I am bi.... I am Russia and I became American too. I have biological Russian and adopted American parents. I have two different families and two different homes. I speak two languages. I have two cultures inside. There are two sets of traditions, appropriate behavior patterns, cultural norms, dress attires, expectations, two sets of different priorities. My husband is Lithuanian, so here is a third culture :-) And to top the list I am bi sexual. I have two homes and I can not be in both places at the same time. I always miss somebody or something and long to be somewhere else. My life is very complex and complicated and my head spins a lot.  I see more, I feel more, I hear more, I understand more but I also miss more... I am very happy and very sad. I have good and bad but I love it all. I have finally accepted it all just the way it is. It's not always easy but I love it all.
Thanks again to everybody who is part of me and my life. I love you all!!! My happy stories and pictures are spread everywhere on the 18 pages of this diary and in thousands of pictures. Feel free to browse and witness :-)