life has its unexpected twists of fate.. 3 months ago i was worrying about meeting Tim's parents, i had no idea what would they think of me.. what we would talk about.. i played that scene in my mind thousand times...
but then Tim fell.. and i didn't care about my perfect scene of first impression anymore..
it's unbelievably difficult to meet your boyfriend's father in a hospital, inside the intensive care department where the man you both love is dying.. i will never forget that lifeless, gray room... all the tubes filled with blood sticking out of Tim's helpless body.. his face was still, eyes never moved.. he didn't breathe..
doctors were sure that Tim would die.. i could see it.. the "im so sorry" sign was written all over their foreheads.. i hated them all.. but i never believed or even thought about Tim dying.. i was so sure he'd survive.. don't know what i would've done if he wouldn't come back..

i don't feel good.. can't get over the whole thing.. he was so close to death, i almost let him go.. my world collapsed.. this huge loss, fear, grief is still in me.. i can repress it, but i can't get it out of my system.. i hope, with time, it will just disappear..

В колонках играет - Pixies - Where is my mind

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