i thought about our relationship today... read all your writing again.. dark and depressed.. you were never happy.. i couldn't make you happy and now i think i made it even worse for you.. maybe you should've left me.. you wanted to, many, many times.. im losing it, tim... im really going down.. i wish we could talk.. miss you so much.. your voice, your eyes, your everything.. and you're just lying there, hooked up to those machines with tubes sticking out of your helpless body.. and that noise, beep-beep-beep.. it drives me crazy.. i wanna set you free and run away.. away from the hospital, away from the past.. where no one can find us.. where there are no questions, no guilt, no pain.. im so sorry i wasn't there.. i could've stopped you.. it wouldn't've happened if i was there.. you would be ok.. healthy.. not in a fucking coma. i am so sorry.. i should've stayed. it's my fault.