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i am sad. i am disappointed. very disappointed. could that be the reason of my sadness? hmm...
i always thought that when people love each other, they make compromises, even sacrifices... provide some proof of their love once in a while.. but i guess i was wrong.
bastian insulted tim. tim hates bastian. bastian is my friend. he understood me and never judged my irrational mood swings and the aftermaths of those mood swings... but i was willing to give up this friendship, i was willing to stop every possible connections to bastian because of tim... because he was offended.. because he was hurt... because i love him and would do anything to make him feel better.
but would he do the same thing for me??? today he made it quiet clear that NO, he wouldn't.
sarah insulted me. i hate sarah. sarah is jeff's girlfriend and jeff is tim's best friend, so tim is sarah's friend. no matter how she insulted me, and hurt me, and basically told me that im a piece of shit who should kill herself immediately. but is that a good enough reason to perhaps ask tim to stop going out and have fun with sarah??? apperantly not. because, come on, what was i thinking? if bastian (my friend) insults my boyfriend once and probably unintentionally then that's the world's biggest tragedy, but if sarah (tim's friend) insults me (tim's girlfriend) for at least a year, constantly trying to ruin our relationship and my nervous system - that's perfectly fine becuase she's jeff's girlfriend? i guess so. how could i even think otherwise??? stupid, naive, little girl... why do u think that you are an important person in tim's heart? open your eyes my child... there are at least ten people before you, and sarah is one of them.

some people would call this betrayel.. others exaggeration..

should i deal with it, ignore it, or... hmmm.. but i love him, and at this moment it hurts like hell.. how could he do this to me? he promised we'll deal with sarah's passive aggressive hatred toward me... he fucking promised.
but the moment we could have started showing sarah that we are happily in love and she can't do shit about it, he runs off to drink with her, demonstrating her exactly the opposite of being happily in love. im not sure this is the right way to "deal" with it..

of course if i tell him this whole thing, he'll say it's bullshit, im paranoid and it's all the creation of my fucked up mind.
-*amen*-